I don't want children - Am I selfish?

Diamond_Orchid

No, you aren't selfish for not wanting children. It's entirely up to you.

I have a son already and could not have imagined the amount of joy he would bring to my life before having him. I have another, my last, on the way too.

I think some people fail to see why others may not want the same enjoyment as themselves. But it is your body, your decision.

sulkisu

Yes, but there's nothing wrong with that. The decision to have children is also a selfish one - I had children because I wanted them. As long as you and your partner are happy, you should do what you want to do - and don't feel that you need to justify your choice to anyone.

tizerbelle

meritaten wrote: »

you are right not to become a mother 'just because that's what people do' or because people put pressure on you. I wish more women who weren't really cut out for motherhood were as honest and sensible as you - there would be less miserable/abused/neglected kids in the world!

Wow, there are some major assumptions there! Women who don't want children aren't cut out for motherhood and will be abusive/neglectful parents. I doubt very much that there is any correlation between not wanting kids and being an abusive parent or that the reverse is true, that kids of parents who wanted them are never abused/neglected.

I'm 46 and still don't want kids. Never have. Knew in my teens I never wanted kids of my own.

marisco_2

WorkFromHome wrote: »

So why don't women respect my choice when I say I don't want children?

Some folk just have a problem with accepting other life choices that don't match their own. You are not being selfish at all, rather very wise.

Kaye1

I adore my children- but they totally take over your life!


Some of the bad parenting I have seen is from parents not willing to take the time and effort it requires to raise a child.


I actually think you are strong enough to be honest about what you want. Good for you.

bagpussbear

You are definitely not selfish. Selfish are the parents we sometimes see that have kids and then neglect/mistreat them.

Ignore others opinions, and do what suits you.

When I got married, some people asked when I was going to have children.

When I had my son, many asked when I would have another, and some thought having one child only was a bit selfish.

When my husband left me, and I was a single parent, some people looked down on me.

When I remarried many years later, some people thought I might take the opportunity to have another child!

You get the picture, lol! Some people are always going to voice their opinion. Ignore them, it's your life!

WorkFromHome

tizerbelle wrote: »

Wow, there are some major assumptions there! Women who don't want children aren't cut out for motherhood and will be abusive/neglectful parents. I doubt very much that there is any correlation between not wanting kids and being an abusive parent or that the reverse is true, that kids of parents who wanted them are never abused/neglected.

I'm 46 and still don't want kids. Never have. Knew in my teens I never wanted kids of my own.

I agree. I know a few people who really wanted kids but treat them like ****. I don't think I'm not cut out for motherhood, I just choose not to have children. I adore my niece and nephew and spend much time with them and spoil them with hugs.

Snakey

I'm 43 and never wanted children. I have yet to change my mind.

Nor do I feel any need to "make up for it" (as if I've done something wrong!) by being super-involved with other people's children.

Selfish implies that you're putting your own interests in front of somebody else's, but I don't see who that somebody else is. The children I haven't had don't exist, and as for any supposed duty towards society as a whole, well that society is quite happy to spend the taxes that I pay and which I would not be paying half as much of (and would be taking a lot more from the State in one form or another, and using more resources, than I currently am) if I had kids. Can't have your cake and eat it, society!

amistupid

WorkFromHome wrote: »

I've discussed it with my OH and although he initially wanted kids he has said he would rather be with me and childless than with another woman which I appreciate.

I respect your honesty but do feel a bit sorry for your OH who can't have you and children.

My brother and his wife have been married for over thirty years, they are in their mid fifties and decided from the outset not to have children.

I'm a couple of years older than them and have four children, the eldest in his mid thirties and the youngest in her mid twenties. When my kids were at school, I was quite envious of my brother and his wife; because they had no children, they seemed to have a lot more freedom and much more disposable income. On top of that bringing up children, although very rewarding can be extremely hard work.

However having now retired and just become a granddad, it's at this stage of my life that I'm really feeling the benefits of having children.

I'm sure my brother and his wife are still happy with the decision they made but I can't help feeling that old age will be a little more lonely for them.

WorkFromHome wrote: »

We both love animals and hope to have a dog one day when we have the time and can afford to care for one.

I'm not saying you'll be like this but I've know several childless couples who've had dogs as 'substitute children'. They treated them like children and it looked very silly.

System

I don't think you're selfish, as others have said, you're just being honest and others should respect that.

Some people are maternal and want kids, others aren't and don't. I don't think either is any worse or better than the other. Its all personal choice. And people should accept that.