I don't want children - Am I selfish?

WorkFromHome

I'm 30 nearly 31 and I've never wanted kids, I have no feelings towards babies, I don't coo over them. I don't want to be a mother. I think that women who adore children are the ones who should be having them. So why don't women respect my choice when I say I don't want children? I've discussed it with my OH and although he initially wanted kids he has said he would rather be with me and childless than with another woman which I appreciate. If he had desperatly wanted kids I would have asked him to move on without me as it wouldn't have been fair on him. We both love animals and hope to have a dog one day when we have the time and can afford to care for one.

Am I alone here?

thorsoak

As the mother of 4, grandmother of , I applaud your honesty! Far, far better that you and your partner are honest with each other and don't go in "for a family" than have children that might make you feel inadequate or trapped "just because you should"!

Good luck to you! Far more selfish to have children and then arrange 24/7 child care.

j.e.j.

WorkFromHome wrote: »

Am I alone here?

What, in preferring dogs to children? Hardly :rotfl:

I think that counts for about 90% of people in England

VfM4meplse

Are you selfish? No.


Might you change your mind in the future? Quite possibly.

johannalf88

Nope!

Some women go ahh over babies, I go ahhh over puppies! Can't wait until we can get our dog!

Never wanted kids, don't know if it is going to change, but can't forsee it happening.

seven-day-weekend

Are you selfish? No more than those who have them, who want them.

Honest, not selfish.

meritaten

well done for being honest! I am a mum of three and grandmother of seven - and I had kids because I love them! you are right not to become a mother 'just because that's what people do' or because people put pressure on you. I wish more women who weren't really cut out for motherhood were as honest and sensible as you - there would be less miserable/abused/neglected kids in the world!
However - do be careful! my sisters friend always claimed to dislike kids and never wanted one - until she accidently got pregnant the week her mother died (she is sure about that - its the only time she ever forgot contraception). she went ahead with the pregnancy and becamed besotted with this cute little girl baby she named for her mother. 16 years later she is still besotted - so is her husband who was a bit ambilavent at the time. and the baby? She is an absolutely delightful teen, with a wonderful singing voice and is highly intelligent too.

springiness

The truth is we are all selfish and it's completely normal. Everything we do in life is about what we want.


Some people want to be childless.


Some people want to have children.


I don't think that my mother really wanted children and it showed in her parenting.

LilElvis

If it's how you both feel then that's all that matters. I would certainly never dream of questioning someone as to why they don't have children as it is both rude and intrusive.

I certainly wouldn't call choosing to remain childless "selfish", it is simply a choice you have made about how you want to live your life. Some would say that choosing to have children is the more selfish choice.

WorkFromHome

johannalf88 wrote: »

Nope!

Some women go ahh over babies, I go ahhh over puppies! Can't wait until we can get our dog!

Never wanted kids, don't know if it is going to change, but can't forsee it happening.

This is how I feel. I've always known I didn't want children. My mum had 4 just because her husband wanted a big family and only now in her 60s does she take an interest in our lives. I love her but feel sorry that she wasn't strong enough to tell our biological father no.

I have othe reasons for not wanting kids but they are too pesonal for this board. I just feel like it's ok if a man says he doesn't want kids, it's treated as normal, but if a woman says it then she's told she'll change her mind.

moneyistooshorttomention

I never wanted them and never had them. Never did change my mind.

If you are wondering whether that's selfish to feel that way - then just try watching other people (whether ones with or without children) and see just how many examples of selfishness you can easily spot in just one day.

Start by walking along a few streets and seeing how many cars are parked on pavements/cyclists are riding along pedestrian-only pavements/people are walking along absorbed in their mobile phones and not watching out for other pavement users.

Then walk into a supermarket and go to queue up with just one item to pay for behind someone with a huge trolley load of goods and start laying odds in your mind as to whether they will carefully pretend they haven't spotted you (so that they don't feel guilty about not offering you to jump ahead of them with your solo item).

Then walk along the street and see how many people have more than two children (and I'd be willing to bet you don't know any parents who don't claim child benefit - no matter how well-paid they are).

Then see how many perfectly fit people are leaping into their car to drive a very short distance to somewhere - though they are perfectly fit.

That's just the first few examples of selfishness that came to mind - but I bet you couldn't spend as long as a week without notching up quite a list of selfish things you have noticed other people doing.

My whole point being that these people are busily doing all these selfish little things and probably don't have the slightest thought about wondering whether they are being selfish or no
- so I really don't think its appropriate for you to regard yourself as selfish, when you aren't in the slightest.