Are we being mean ?

j.e.j.

happyandcontented wrote: »

Ah well, people are different aren't they? We loved staying over at our nieces wedding and a friends daughters wedding. We were part of a small close knit family/close friends group who rarely all get together at one time and so we really enjoyed it. It was no different to having a weekend away in good company, with nice food, wine and entertainment. It may not have been far from home but it was still a break.

Yes I know what you mean, and it's nice to have breakfast cooked for you, and someone else to make the beds, etc

It's not just about the distance and the price.

If I had the money to hire a flippin' castle I think I'd be footing the bill for the hotel, too, though, if I were the B i L.

happyandcontented

Mojisola wrote: »

But they are going to be there for the whole get-together stuff - they're just planning on sleeping somewhere different.

Yes, but guests who are not staying tend to go home earlier, so are not there for the late into the night revels, and they aren't there for the breakfast the day after. That was a lovely meal, chatting about the wedding, looking at photos and then all having a family photo outside the venue. It was a country house hotel with lovely grounds too for a stroll after breakfast.

Jagraf

The best is when people marry abroad and expect you to take a week off work, pay for your flights and accommodation, and attend all the pre celebrations.

I think we go a bit mad to be honest. The generosity of guests is often pushed to the limit by the bride and groom.

I hate people being out of pocket for my benefit. People at weddings under duress and the anxiety of cost is not a good thing.

A wedding should be an occasion for family and friends to celebrate their love for each other, not to be worrying about money.

Mrs_Optimist

To be clear there is no jealousy involved - we are looking forward to celebrating the day and my future sister in law, whom is a welcome addition to the family.

I have given it some thought this afternoon - it is all about show as my bil is like that, it doesn't impress us but it floats his boat and he is paying for it so that's fine.

We see my in-laws regularly and get together every couple of months so it isn't a huge reunion ! We last got together a fortnight ago and will get together again next weekend for BBQ. Incidentally my bil is too busy to attend a birthday BBQ for his terminally Ill father next month so I really doubt he wants the whole family around his wedding weekend for any reason other than show !

Had we been able to stay the wedding night we would have sucked up the cost although it would have still been pricy (& doesn't include breakfast I have found out this afternoon - that is extra - as is dinner on the Friday evening!) but two nights is too much both financially & time wise really - although I appreciate that makes us miserable so and so's !

missbiggles1

happyandcontented wrote: »

Yes, but guests who are not staying tend to go home earlier, so are not there for the late into the night revels, and they aren't there for the breakfast the day after. That was a lovely meal, chatting about the wedding, looking at photos and then all having a family photo outside the venue. It was a country house hotel with lovely grounds too for a stroll after breakfast.

They're getting married the next day - how much revelry does one couple need?

happyandcontented

missbiggles1 wrote: »

They're getting married the next day - how much revelry does one couple need?

I was thinking about the night of the wedding, going off early has gone now, the bride and groom stay for the party and often long after the guests who are going home have left. Residents can sit and chat and chill much later. It is all about choice isn't it? We love it, you don't.


I just think that because the groom asked them to do it doesn't make him a bad person. They can say and have, said no, and no one seems to be offended or overly bothered about it. There doesn't seem to be a real problem except that the OP seems to feel guilty.

Jagraf

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

To be clear there is no jealousy involved - we are looking forward to celebrating the day and my future sister in law, whom is a welcome addition to the family.

I have given it some thought this afternoon - it is all about show as my bil is like that, it doesn't impress us but it floats his boat and he is paying for it so that's fine.

We see my in-laws regularly and get together every couple of months so it isn't a huge reunion ! We last got together a fortnight ago and will get together again next weekend for BBQ. Incidentally my bil is too busy to attend a birthday BBQ for his terminally Ill father next month so I really doubt he wants the whole family around his wedding weekend for any reason other than show !

Had we been able to stay the wedding night we would have sucked up the cost although it would have still been pricy (& doesn't include breakfast I have found out this afternoon - that is extra - as is dinner on the Friday evening!) but two nights is too much both financially & time wise really - although I appreciate that makes us miserable so and so's !

Right decision :T

Have a lovely time.

Mojisola

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

although I appreciate that makes us miserable so and so's!

Unless you like being a martyr, I'd stop thinking like this.

You've made a decision that's right for you (plural) and your family's budget.

missbiggles1

happyandcontented wrote: »

I was thinking about the night of the wedding, going off early has gone now, the bride and groom stay for the party and often long after the guests who are going home have left. Residents can sit and chat and chill much later. It is all about choice isn't it? We love it, you don't.

Sorry, I thought you meant the night before the wedding as you'd been talking about having a meal together that night.

Jagraf

happyandcontented wrote: »

I was thinking about the night of the wedding, going off early has gone now, the bride and groom stay for the party and often long after the guests who are going home have left. Residents can sit and chat and chill much later. It is all about choice isn't it? We love it, you don't.


I just think that because the groom asked them to do it doesn't make him a bad person. They can say and have, said no, and no one seems to be offended or overly bothered about it. There doesn't seem to be a real problem except that the OP seems to feel guilty.

To put another slant on it, sometimes the bride and groom just want time on their own but all those pesky rellies won't go to bed or go home such a busy day and lots just want each others company but everyone just keeps talking to them.