Are we being mean ?

belfastgirl23

The downside of not staying in the hotel is the negotiation over if/when you leave, especially if there are four of you. I speak with feeling as the driver at a wedding a few years ago who ended up hanging around for HOURS because DH's friend thought he might get off with a bridesmaid - unluckily for me, I was sober enough to know he had zero chance. A good job I stayed sober too because initially we had planned to get a taxi but it turned out they stopped operating around 1am. What if your kids are really enjoying themselves and want to stay on if you want to leave? Or they're bored senseless and you're having a good time? For me it would be well worth the money to be able to pop upstairs for half an hour if I wanted a freshen up or to change shoes or whatever. It also gives you a lot more flexibility.

I do think it's also worth really asking yourself why you don't want to stay. I think your main reason is probably to make a point to your BIL about the extravagance of his wedding. Every time someone close to me marries I relearn the futility of doing anything that inadvertently comments on their taste. And that doing so has consequences, some of which don't come out for years. Honestly my advice would be to stay - especially late at night a taxi is likely to cost more than you would think. And the cost to relationships isn't so easily calculated. Hopefully your BIL will only do this once. Treat it as a very special occasion and stay.

burnoutbabe

so in fact your BIL has already paid for the entire thing and is offsetting the cost by wanting you to stay?

In which case I'd be definately saying no - cheeky sod. and charging for kids and then not providing them with an actual bed is beyond the pale!

let him try and get shot of the rooms to someone else.

Andypandyboy

That is not how it works usually. The venue is hired to the wedding party and then each person books a room and is charged accordingly.

missbiggles1

burnoutbabe wrote: »

so in fact your BIL has already paid for the entire thing and is offsetting the cost by wanting you to stay?

In which case I'd be definately saying no - cheeky sod. and charging for kids and then not providing them with an actual bed is beyond the pale!

let him try and get shot of the rooms to someone else.

He's probably getting a reduction for a block booking and needs to keep the numbers up by making people feel guilty if they don't stay.

missbiggles1

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

I can only relay what bil said - he has hired the whole venue for the weekend as he wanted everyone to stay. If you stayed fri night you would get priority for sat night. The cost was worked out by dividing it by number of rooms and then number of guests so per person, per night. Whether venue is aware of this I don't know. We are aware that family rooms were limited because they were larger and bridal party needed to extra space so we may have to cram into a double room.

It is impossible to add every bit of detail to an op as it's impossible to know what some people deem to be relevant or not - so the conspiracy theorists are way off the mark and are adding nothing of interest to the discussion and are simply trying to sidetrack my thread.


My bil is not a bad person, neither are we - I am happy after posting my initial op that dh & I are not being unreasonable - we will be there to celebrate all day, do not plan to leave until the end and our presence will only be absent once people are in bed !

That's an unusual way of doing things and not really very fair.

Jagraf

I'm not sure why people are saying its better to stay at a wedding, surely that's personal preference lol?

In my experience of copious amounts of weddings, I enjoy myself just as much if I do stay or if I don't. Who wants to sleep with teens all night?

fairy_lights

happyandcontented wrote: »

I was thinking about the night of the wedding, going off early has gone now, the bride and groom stay for the party and often long after the guests who are going home have left. Residents can sit and chat and chill much later. It is all about choice isn't it? We love it, you don't.

But even if they were staying in the hotel they might not want to stay around until the last guest leaves or the happy couple go to bed, if they've already spent the whole day doing wedding activities they might be knackered by 10pm and want to go to bed anyway - so they might as well go home. I'd also imagine that spending 2 whole nights and several days in the company of family, with no means of escape might be pretty unbearable for the teenage children.

melanzana

My view is this.

Go to dinner the night before, then head home.

Go to the Wedding and have a ball with everyone. Then head home.

The truth is, I doubt anyone will miss you going home the night of the wedding. Honestly, people only think about themselves. The trick is to just go....no big long goodbyes and hanging around. Just say a quick cheerio to those who matter, and off with you!

The party will go on without you, make no mistake. And you will be forgotten in a minute or two.

Get back next day for a meet up with all of them. Join in, no one will care whether you stayed over or not really as you will have been there for all of the important bits.

AND THERE WILL BE HANGOVERS GALORE NEXT DAY! Paracetemol will be more on their minds than whether you stayed or not I'd say, LOL.

I hope you have a lovely time, whatever you decide to do.

But I would do the above. Personally.

And then I would fall into my own bed with much relief!

gettingtheresometime

When we had to travel north for the wedding of OH's cousin we stayed in a cheaper hotel the night before and then checked into the hotel where the ceremony was on the day.

Nobody minded or said anything.

btw is having a family meal beforehand the next bloody americanism that people are going to insist upon?

j.e.j.

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

btw is having a family meal beforehand the next bloody americanism that people are going to insist upon?

Never heard of this myself. Sounds like The Last Supper :rotfl: