Are we being mean ?

Pollycat

JIL wrote: »

Your children are teenagers, if you can't have a family room and you change your mind and do stay, you should really make a point of asking if they can have their own room. Its really not fair that your share of the cost does not get them a bed.

Although the OP has made the (imho right) decision not to stay in the hotel, I think the above would be something I would insist on if staying overnight.

I would not - under any circumstances - pay £40 for each of my teenagers to sleep on the floor.
The way the b-i-l has split the cost lacks common sense and is blatantly unfair.

peachyprice

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

The cost was worked out by dividing it by number of rooms and then number of guests so per person, per night. Whether venue is aware of this I don't know. We are aware that family rooms were limited because they were larger and bridal party needed to extra space so we may have to cram into a double room.

If there are no family rooms available (why would you even want to share a family room with teenagers??) your children should get their own room, or stay for free in your room on the floor. He can't expect to charge you the 'divided by' room rate for them and not give them a room.

I have to agree with the poster above, it sounds like he's agreed to pay the the cost of hiring the whole venue and it now panicking in case he doesn't fill it.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

What happened to the whole tradition of not seeing each other the day before the wedding?

Don't you realise that getting married is absolutely nothing to do with getting married ? :rotfl:

duchy

onlyroz wrote: »

What happened to the whole tradition of not seeing each other the day before the wedding?

What tradition ?
The only tradition I can think of is spending the night before the wedding apart and not seeing each other until the ceremony on the day.
That said there's also a tradition of brides been virgins until their wedding night- are you wondering what happened to that too ?

Times change and so do traditions.
The close family dinner on the eve of the wedding has migrated to over here- and many people find it appealing especially if it's a big wedding with lots of guests on the day itself.

Thankfully we are far more flexible about weddings now and people aren't hidebound by tradition but can choose the type of wedding they want.

Frankly though- even when there was less choice most brides had someone in the family who would find something to moan about though !

DKLS

At under 50 miles away I would have gone with a taxi, but agree some weddings are getting out of hand.

In the past two years: I have had numerous invites to weeks in Ibiza for a stag do, and invited to weddings in Sorrento and Maui.

I didn't attend the Ibiza stag do's or Maui wedding, I did go to Sorrento, which I think it would have been more satisfying to set fire to £800 worth of £20 notes, expensive filthy hole with very poor food and leering Camorra bods.

Last wedding I attended, I decided not to drink and drove the 200 miles home, good wedding but had to put up with my wife singing all the way home.

Lunar_Eclipse

14 miles? No, I wouldn't even consider staying in the hotel. Personally I'd probably also drive myself, but a taxi is the obvious solution if you would rather drink.

duchy

Seems to me though the OP simply doesn't "approve" (for want of a better word) of this style of wedding and is trying to make a point to the rest of the family (who all appear to be not reacting and are determined to not react or get involved).

Ultimately it's an invitation - to be accepted or declined - if you don't like the terms decline gracefully.

I don't think the OP is mean as in tight with money- but I do think she may be a bit economical with generosity of spirit about this wedding.

nightsky224

Just to add my 2p's worth
Our wedding was quite far away for alot of people so we found a nice hotel for people to stay in.

However for my OH's close family it was about 6 miles away. There was no expectation for them to stay in the hotel but everyone did apart from gandparents who are in their 90's. They made it a mini holiday, used all the facilities and spent time with the other guests, they stayed 2 nights.

There are a couple of things to note.
MIL paid for SIL's room as it was not something she could afford esp as they only live down the road. MIL really wanted her & kids etc to be there, something to remember.
The hotel rooms were a bargain at £50pn (inc breakfast with up to 4 in the room)
It wasn't required in any way shape or form.

Sometimes when organising you get carried away and swept up in things and forget that it might not work with others. Get your OH to chat with him. Say that maybe its best letting someone else have the room who lives further away and needs bothnights. your more than happy to get a cab and that it seems silly to pay for the kids to sleep on the floor.
Maybe you could drive there the night before just to catch up with people, see if there is anything you could do to help and have family time.

missbiggles1

duchy wrote: »

What tradition ?
The only tradition I can think of is spending the night before the wedding apart and not seeing each other until the ceremony on the day.
That said there's also a tradition of brides been virgins until their wedding night- are you wondering what happened to that too ?

Times change and so do traditions.
The close family dinner on the eve of the wedding has migrated to over here- and many people find it appealing especially if it's a big wedding with lots of guests on the day itself.

Thankfully we are far more flexible about weddings now and people aren't hidebound by tradition but can choose the type of wedding they want.

Frankly though- even when there was less choice most brides had someone in the family who would find something to moan about though !

Do you think so?

I think that there have always been a number of people who flew against the general trend of the time (as I did and I think you plan to) but my occasional wanderings round the Marriage Board give me the impression that they're far more of a muchness than they ever used to be, right down to the style of wedding dress.

In addition, quite genuine traditions seem to have been replaced by customs that have crept in from the States over the last 30 years which are now honoured with the name of tradition. Unfortunately, many of these (as you might expect from US customs) are heavily commercialised and simply result in even more expense.

It's a shame if anybody who questions this level of conspicuous consumption should be accused of being jealous or mean spirited as has happened on this thread.

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

Thankfully we are far more flexible about weddings now and people aren't hidebound by tradition but can choose the type of wedding they want.

I faced enormous pressure from my mum to have the sort of wedding that she thought I should have. She seemed to think that I should have absorbed knowledge of wedding traditions via some sort of osmosis in the womb. For example, it was news to me that the bride was expected to marry from her home town, and to invite whoever her mother said she must invite. In the end I did things my way and she spent the whole day looking like she was sucking on a lemon.