Are we being mean ?

Mrs_Optimist

So Brother-in-law is getting hitched this year in a no expense spared bash. He wants all immediate family to stay overnight at the venue both the night before & the day of the wedding. Trouble is that will cost us in excess of £300 as we have to pay for our children too.

There is no option just to stay on the wedding day itself.

All other family members are staying both nights but they are only paying for 2 not 4 people (none of them have kids) so cost to them is half what we would have to pay. DH agrees that we cannot justify that sort of money before we even start on stag/hen dos, present, drinks, outfits etc. But I do feel mean.

What do you think?

The venue is 14 miles from where we live so we could taxi and still save a large amount of money but this wedding is the be all and end all for my b in l - are we being mean spirited ?

ellay864

14 miles away and he expects you to pay for 4 of you to stay 2 nights??? No way are you being mean spiritied - he has a bloody nerve to ask you. If travelling and staying was the only way you could attend would be one thing but you can easily go there and back in a day. If his wedding is spilling over into a 2 day party then tell him you will join for the wedding itself but decline the after-show party.
Remind him that it's traditional to INVITE people to weddings, not make it a compulsory order

Andypandyboy

Could you compromise by just staying one night? I would get ready at home, go by taxi and stay the night of the wedding. You could say it is easier getting kids ready at home, which it is!

Mojisola

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

So Brother-in-law is getting hitched this year in a no expense spared bash. He wants all immediate family to stay overnight at the venue both the night before & the day of the wedding.

If he isn't paying for his guests to stay, then he can 'want' all he likes!

It's a wedding invitation - not a royal summons!

duchy

"Sorry the kids don't sleep well away from home so we will go home at night"

How much will taxis cost for four journeys ?
Does the venue not do a family room rather than a room for you and a separate room for the kids ? Is any food included for the eve of the wedding or even breakfasts ?

If there is "no option to stay the night of the wedding only" is this that the venue has a 2 night minimum or just what BIL demands?
Is the reason he wants you all there because he's paying for a pre wedding dinner for close family for the night before ?
Are there other hotels nearby you could stay at for one night ?

balletshoes

Mojisola wrote: »

If he isn't paying for his guests to stay, then he can 'want' all he likes!

It's a wedding invitation - not a royal summons!

I totally agree with this - its a local wedding, not even any need for you stay any of the nights, so just go for the wedding day, enjoy it, and come home to your own beds .

rachy182

Could you look at ways of cutting down the costs eg staying one night, all four of you staying in one room or seeing if there are cheaper hotels near the venue. As a last option a taxi would be a lot cheaper and still allow you to have a drink

ineed

You're not being mean at all, your brother in law is being extremely unfair imo expecting others to pay out that amount for his wedding. Tell him the truth, you don't want to pay that amount, can't justify it.

Mrs_Optimist

Thanks for responses. Those staying the Friday have first refusal for Saturday - & Saturday is obviously going to be fully booked out ! Kind of blackmail.

Kids are teenagers so go with the flow.

We have looked at nearby hotels but still can't justify the cost - just feel mean as all other family members are staying both nights. The cost is the same per person per night, not by room so someone staying on their own in their own room would be £40 per night versus our £160 !

Father in law has offered to pay for us but we don't feel comfortable with that as we could find the money ourselves but are finding it very hard to justify that kind of expense ��

It's my dh brother so he had final say and he is of the same opinion - yet I still feel mean .

Mrs_Optimist

Meant to add we wouldn't even have a family room guaranteed and kids may have to kip on the floor as bridal party are taking the larger rooms as they need the space !

Mojisola

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

Father in law has offered to pay for us but we don't feel comfortable with that as we could find the money ourselves but are finding it very hard to justify that kind of expense ��

It's my dh brother so he had final say and he is of the same opinion - yet I still feel mean .

In these situations it's worth asking yourself - would I put one of my relatives in this awkward position? If the answer is 'no', don't worry about feeling mean.

It's the brother who is being unreasonable, not you.