Are we being mean ?

Mrs_Optimist

There is no chance of it being a quiet wedding - he has hired a castle & grounds, fireworks, the lot ! No expense has been spared and that is his perogative - it's not our scene but we are happy to help celebrate, just not foot the bill to fulfil his expectation that his whole family are there for the entire weekend.

Buzzybee90

I had this, I let someone else pay in the end.

Mrs_Optimist

Mmm lots to think about - I appreciate all posts - thank you.

Jagraf

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

There is no chance of it being a quiet wedding - he has hired a castle & grounds, fireworks, the lot ! No expense has been spared and that is his perogative - it's not our scene but we are happy to help celebrate, just not foot the bill to fulfil his expectation that his whole family are there for the entire weekend.

There are three issues here.

One is your BIL wedding and IMO no why should you fork out?

The other is your FIL being poorly and the guilt trip

The third is you actually not wanting to stay for two nights anyway.


If it were me, no I wouldn't stay. There is no reason why you can't just come and go and be there for the whole of the event, except the sleeping bit.

Your freedom of choice has been taken away from you and substituted with emotional blackmail. No one is bothered about your feelings, especially BIL.

It really is just a wedding. BIL can't possibly think the wedding is that important otherwise he wouldn't be doing all these silly things to make it look like something else.

missbiggles1

happyandcontented wrote: »

It is a trend for close families to do this to sort of lengthen the family time if you like. I agree it is expensive but we have done it for our nieces wedding which was 5 minutes up the road. We had a lovely close family meal prior to the wedding day and a family breakfast the day afterwards, it was very special.

That said, we could all afford to do it. In your place if it is a struggle I would take up the offer from FIL and not feel guilty about it. If they badly want you there and really you feel you should go, then that is the solution.

We had a lovely family meal before our wedding and then went back to our respective homes or local b&bs; it was no less enjoyable for spending the night in separate locations after the meal finished.

NB
Really close families know that closeness is about feelings, not proximity.

happyandcontented

Jagraf wrote: »

There are three issues here.

One is your BIL wedding and IMO no why should you fork out?

The other is your FIL being poorly and the guilt trip

The third is you actually not wanting to stay for two nights anyway.


If it were me, no I wouldn't stay. There is no reason why you can't just come and go and be there for the whole of the event, except the sleeping bit.

Your freedom of choice has been taken away from you and substituted with emotional blackmail. No one is bothered about your feelings, especially BIL.

It really is just a wedding. BIL can't possibly think the wedding is that important otherwise he wouldn't be doing all these silly things to make it look like something else.

I am not sure that is fair. I think it is nice to want family memebers there, makes a refreshing change to like your family if stories on here are to be taken as gospel. Just a wedding? Making it look like something else? A wedding is a family occasion, he wants to make more of that by extending it. I would suppose that his dad's terminal illness is a big part of that, last memories, that sort of thing.

I think the OP can stay or not as she decides, but I am not sure why the groom is getting so much knocking about wanting his family around him under the circumstances.

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

We had a lovely family meal before our wedding and then went back to our respective homes or local b&bs; it was no less enjoyable for spending the night in separate locations after the meal finished.

I love my family to bits but when I got married I couldn't wait to get away from everyone :rotfl:

Loz01

If you go for the wedding and stay for the party what difference will it make to them if you go home to sleep in your own bed? They wont see you overnight!

calleyw

Pollycat wrote: »

No. They didn't HAVE to go
Nobody HAS to attend a wedding

You are right.

And I would have personally told them where to go. But there was pressure from all sides of the family.

So they went.

Yours

Calley

Jagraf

happyandcontented wrote: »

I am not sure that is fair. I think it is nice to want family memebers there, makes a refreshing change to like your family if stories on here are to be taken as gospel. Just a wedding? Making it look like something else? A wedding is a family occasion, he wants to make more of that by extending it. I would suppose that his dad's terminal illness is a big part of that, last memories, that sort of thing.

I think the OP can stay or not as she decides, but I am not sure why the groom is getting so much knocking about wanting his family around him under the circumstances.

He can't want them there as much as he wants fireworks as he as paid for those himself. Maybe substitute the cost of the fireworks by offering to pay for the guests he so wants there - they will be much better value for money than gunpowder.