Are we being mean ?

Kynthia

I think it's lovely that your FIL offered to pay when he thought that you wanted to stay but really couldn't afford it. Also it's nice that he wasn't offended when you didn't take him up on his offer and he understood your reasons for not staying. It sounds like you have a good relationship with him. It sounds like you do like your BIL but you just have different attitudes to money. So hopefully there's no drama and you'll show him you care by attending the stag/hen nights and the wedding day.

j.e.j.

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

There is no chance of it being a quiet wedding - he has hired a castle & grounds, fireworks, the lot ! No expense has been spared and that is his perogative - it's not our scene but we are happy to help celebrate, just not foot the bill to fulfil his expectation that his whole family are there for the entire weekend.

Oh my.. I get the picture :rotfl: Is he rich or is he slapping it all on the credit card, I wonder..


I guess the groom and bride want the family there so they can all have breakfast together the next morning. £40 per person per night is not that expensive compared to some of the B&Bs round here, which charge upwards of £60, and as much as £100 if it's a posh place :eek:


What would I do in OP's situation.. depends. If it's really going to cause bad-feeling then go. It's a one-off event (hopefully!!). Maybe make up for it financially by spending less at the stag/hen nights?


Fwiw I LOATHE the current trend for pricey and rowdy hen/stag nights (I would never go to one of these, myself, I find them so tacky) and pricey weddings. I think the poster who implied that these people are trying to be something they're not is correct in a lot of cases. Many of these marriages where there's been a big ostentatious wedding don't last long, especially once the bill for said wedding has to be paid and normality sets in.

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

I love my family to bits but when I got married I couldn't wait to get away from everyone :rotfl:

And the idea of a "lovely" family breakfast on my wedding day would have me eloping!

missbiggles1

j.e.j. wrote: »

Oh my.. I get the picture :rotfl: Is he rich or is he slapping it all on the credit card, I wonder..


I guess the groom and bride want the family there so they can have breakfast together the next morning. £40 per person per night is not that expensive compared to some of the B&Bs round here, which charge upwards of £60, and as much as £100 if it's a posh place :eek:


What would I do in OP's situation.. depends. If it's really going to cause bad-feeling then go. It's a one-off event (hopefully!!). Maybe make up for it financially by spending less at the stag/hen nights?


Fwiw I LOATHE the current trend for pricey and rowdy hen/stag nights (I would never go to one of these, myself, I find them so tacky) and pricey weddings. I think the poster who implied that these people are trying to be something they're not is correct in a lot of cases. Many of these marriages where there's been a big ostentatious wedding don't last long, especially once the bill for said wedding has to be paid and normality sets in.

If people put as much time and effort into their marriages as they do to their weddings, the divorce rate would plummet .

onlyroz

I don't see how it would diminish anybody's enjoyment if you got a taxi to and from the venue(s). How much is a 14 mile taxi journey these days? Maybe £20? Unless your BIL is offering to cover all your costs I'd tell him to do one.

happyandcontented

Jagraf wrote: »

He can't want them there as much as he wants fireworks as he as paid for those himself. Maybe substitute the cost of the fireworks by offering to pay for the guests he so wants there - they will be much better value for money than gunpowder.

I don't see it like this at all. Everyone is entitled to have the wedding they want, we all have different priorities. Maybe he did offer to pay, and FIL said he would pay. I wouldn't pay for fireworks either, but many people do.

I think that when these threads come up jealousy seems to raise its head. If they want a big wedding and they are paying for it, I can't see a problem. I had a huge wedding and we are still happy decades later and our extended family often mention what a great day it was even now.

missbiggles1

happyandcontented wrote: »

I don't see it like this at all. Everyone is entitled to have the wedding they want, we all have different priorities. Maybe he did offer to pay, and FIL said he would pay. I wouldn't pay for fireworks either, but many people do.

I think that when these threads come up jealousy seems to raise its head. If they want a big wedding and they are paying for it, I can't see a problem. I had a huge wedding and we are still happy decades later and our extended family often mention what a great day it was even now.

But this part of it they're expecting their guests(or his father) to pay for.

I doubt that many people here are jealous of such an ostentatious wedding with so little thought for the others who are invoved.

Also, people's families tend to remember what a great day a wedding was, even if it was self catered in the village hall.

Jagraf

happyandcontented wrote: »

I don't see it like this at all. Everyone is entitled to have the wedding they want, we all have different priorities. Maybe he did offer to pay, and FIL said he would pay. I wouldn't pay for fireworks either, but many people do.

I think that when these threads come up jealousy seems to raise its head. If they want a big wedding and they are paying for it, I can't see a problem. I had a huge wedding and we are still happy decades later and our extended family often mention what a great day it was even now.

I agree, everyone has the wedding they want. They should therefore allow guests to also make their own choices. Like you say everyone has priorities.

If the groom wants people to fit in with HIS priorities then he needs to ensure its a comfortable decision for the guests.

I don't think its to do with jealousy, I think it is exactly to do with priorities.

happyandcontented

Ah well, people are different aren't they? We loved staying over at our nieces wedding and a friends daughters wedding. We were part of a small close knit family/close friends group who rarely all get together at one time and so we really enjoyed it. It was no different to having a weekend away in good company, with nice food, wine and entertainment. It may not have been far from home but it was still a break.

Mojisola

happyandcontented wrote: »

Ah well, people are different aren't they? We loved staying over at our nieces wedding and a friends daughters wedding. We were part of a small close knit family/close friends group who rarely all get together at one time and so we really enjoyed it. It was no different to having a weekend away in good company, with nice food, wine and entertainment. It may not have been far from home but it was still a break.

But they are going to be there for the whole get-together stuff - they're just planning on sleeping somewhere different.