Are we being mean ?

fierystormcloud

Homeownertobe wrote: »

What do you mean by this?

I mean people need to stop trying to be something they're not.

It's not that hard to work out.

fierystormcloud

Mojisola wrote: »

And your day won't be made or spoiled if some of the guests go home and sleep in their own beds instead of staying in the hotel!

Well exactly!

The BIL sounds like a ruddy nightmare!

Homeownertobe

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I mean people need to stop trying to be something they're not.

It's not that hard to work out.

In what way is having a nice wedding 'trying to be something they're not'?

Please explain.

Homeownertobe

I've just realised where I remember the OP from and I have to say I am shocked that she would not stay, even when it's clear her father in law wants them all there.

The man has terminal cancer, for crying out loud. If he wants all his family there for what may be his last family event, then just go and stop being so selfish OP.

Mojisola

Homeownertobe wrote: »

I've just realised where I remember the OP from and I have to say I am shocked that she would not stay, even when it's clear her father in law wants them all there.

The man has terminal cancer, for crying out loud. If he wants all his family there for what may be his last family event, then just go and stop being so selfish OP.

They are going to be at the wedding!

Unless there are plans for a midnight feast or some other event during the night, why would them sleeping at home make any difference to the event?

Homeownertobe

Mojisola wrote: »

They are going to be at the wedding!

Unless there are plans for a midnight feast or some other event during the night, why would them sleeping at home make any difference to the event?

Why not ask the father in law? If it won't make any difference, then why not stay in the hotel at no cost to themselves to make a man with terminal cancer happy?

Or is the OP more important?

missbiggles1

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Just to throw a spanner in the works!

I think a lot of this depends on how you well get on with the immediate family. Do you have a good time with them?

If you all get on well and this will be a weekend to remember then, IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT, you could treat it as a mini holiday.

The only thing that makes me say this is your FIL's offer to pay for you. That seems to suggest that they want you there as part of the family.

Problem is these things have a habit of coming back to bite you.

If you think your family (not just your BIL) will be OK with your not staying over - take offence, make unkind remarks about - e.g. 'they can afford so and so but couldn't join us at the wedding' then stick to your guns and taxi there and back. (apologies for the clumsy sentence!)

It's a once in a life time experience (hopefully) and, maybe, not worth the hassle.

Just so you don't think I am being totally argumentative - I loathe these
expensive hen does/stag does/weddings abroad - not MSE at all! But then we're all different!

How many people want to have a mini holiday that's just down the road from where they live?

Jagraf

After having gone on a family holiday years ago which my brother organised which cost me over £7000 on a credit card, I now refuse to pay for someone else's whim. Xx I love my brother dearly, but I don't let him decide wht I do with my money.

missbiggles1

Homeownertobe wrote: »

In what way is having a nice wedding 'trying to be something they're not'?

Please explain.

Spending a fortune on a "nice wedding" which is way beyond your normal spending range is definitely trying to be something you're not.

Homeownertobe

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Spending a fortune on a "nice wedding" which is way beyond your normal spending range is definitely trying to be something you're not.

Who's the say what's beyond your normal spending range? Who has a normal spending range when it comes to weddings?