Are we being mean ?

Pollycat

jaylee3 wrote: »

Really? Seriously? You don't know who your own cousins are? I mean like your first cousins? That strikes me as very odd. :huh:
I don't think think I know one single person who doesn't know their cousins. I have got 8 first cousins, and know the names of all of them, and their partners/husbands/wives, and the names of all their children (7 so far.)

I think that is very strange to not know your first cousins.

I agree with you on this though (below.)

I know my 5 first cousins. That is, I know their names. I could probably remember the names of their children if I tried really hard.

I have no idea where they live, have never met who they are married to, I wouldn't know any of them if I passed them in the street.

I didn't go to any of their weddings. I believe I was invited to one but we declined as we were on holiday.

So - not so odd really.

It just depends on the dynamics of your family.
I seem to be more like missbiggles1 than like you.

Jagraf

duchy wrote: »

We lost half the wedding party between the registry office and the reception (10 mins walk away) when they popped into the bookies to put a bet on the National.

I'm really quite shocked at the venom expressed by some - I'm starting to understand why overseas weddings are so popular. Who wants to invite relatives you never see, pay for their meal just for them to slag off all your choices on such a special day.

I don't think it's just weddings that have gotten out of hand as far as guest expense is concerned. things like 'baby showers' (that's a new one on me!) and over the top teen parties are also getting expensive. Its s shame - I agree people do start to become bitter - or maybe resentful - because it doesn't make sense to invite someone to a celebration at such an expense that many cannot afford. Sometimes there is no choice - if a close relative is getting married it's almost impossible to say no.

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

I don't think it's just weddings that have gotten out of hand as far as guest expense is concerned. things like 'baby showers' (that's a new one on me!) and over the top teen parties are also getting expensive. Its s shame - I agree people do start to become bitter - or maybe resentful - because it doesn't make sense to invite someone to a celebration at such an expense that many cannot afford. Sometimes there is no choice - if a close relative is getting married it's almost impossible to say no.

Baby showers, proms - all American imports designed to part fools from their money!

Goldiegirl

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It has always been the norm in the weddings I've been to as well as my own to have both a sit-down reception followed by the evening celebration with guests less close such as work colleagues just invited to the evening.

That's what I think of as 'normal'

I live in the south east of England, and all the weddings I've ever been to, except one, have been like this.

So I don't think this is a Scottish thing.

The other wedding, which was the exception, was the most recent.

This was in a hotel - but there was none of all this aggro that seems to plague weddings these days.

We turned up at the hotel at about noon,,to have coffee, the wedding was at about 2.30, we stayed for the afternoon reception, but left just as the evening reception was starting, as this isn't really our scene anymore.

It was a lovely day, the bride and groom had the wedding they wanted, and nobody was made to feel bad if they didn't stay at the hotel for days before, or not stay overnight afterwards.

It's quite an eye opener reading these threads - I had no idea getting married causes so must angst these days

Pollycat

coolcait wrote: »

As for weddings and other occasions, I've never encountered any of the problems which come up time and time again on these boards.


If I want to attend one of these events, I accept the invitation, buy (or find at the back of the wardrobe!) an outfit I like, sort out a present, and rock up on the day.


If I don't want to attend/can't manage it financially or logistically, I send regrets, with thanks for the invitation and best wishes for the day and the future. No further comment or explanation needed or given.

And how easy is that!
:T :T :T

heartbreak_star

I wasn't invited to any of my cousins' weddings and have very little other family - guess you could say we're not very close

Been to a few friends' weddings in the past few years and they've all been reasonably small affairs with a big knees-up in the evening. Good times had by all.

HBS x

fierystormcloud

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It has always been the norm in the weddings I've been to as well as my own to have both a sit-down reception followed by the evening celebration with guests less close such as work colleagues just invited to the evening.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

That's what I think of as 'normal'

I live in the south east of England, and all the weddings I've ever been to, except one, have been like this. So I don't think this is a Scottish thing.

Same, And it's nothing to do with 'age' or 'where you live.' Everyone I know, without exception, has a meal for close family (the wedding reception or wedding breakfast,) and then a 'night do' several hours after the reception, with a buffet and a disco/party for colleagues, neighbours, friends, acquaintances etc.

Jagraf wrote: »

I don't think it's just weddings that have gotten out of hand as far as guest expense is concerned. things like 'baby showers' (that's a new one on me!) and over the top teen parties are also getting expensive. Its s shame - I agree people do start to become bitter - or maybe resentful - because it doesn't make sense to invite someone to a celebration at such an expense that many cannot afford. Sometimes there is no choice - if a close relative is getting married it's almost impossible to say no.

Yes it is; despite a few people saying on here that it's oh so simple to just say no. No it isn't. If it's an acquaintance or a work colleague yes, it is easy to say no, but if it's FAMILY; it isn't, no matter how much people try to insist it is. All I can think of is these people are being economical with the truth, or they don't have a particularly close family, if any at all. Because no way will close family members be happy with you just saying 'I am not coming to my niece's/sister's/brother's wedding because I can't be bothered!'

Moreover, why would not WANT to go to a close family member's wedding? Like your sister or brother or niece or nephew? Even a first cousin? I have even been to my cousin's son's wedding recently.

Some very odd attitudes on this thread. As I said, all I can think of is that these families are not close. At all... I find it most bizarre that people don't even know their cousins names! :huh:

missbiggles1

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Same, And it's nothing to do with 'age' or 'where you live.' Everyone I know, without exception, has a meal for close family (the wedding reception or wedding breakfast,) and then a 'night do' several hours after the reception, with a buffet and a disco/party for colleagues, neighbours, friends, acquaintances etc.



Yes it is; despite a few people saying on here that it's oh so simple to just say no. No it isn't. If it's an acquaintance or a work colleague yes, it is easy to say no, but if it's FAMILY; it isn't, no matter how much people try to insist it is. All I can think of is these people are being economical with the truth, or they don't have a particularly close family, if any at all. Because no way will close family members be happy with you just saying 'I am not coming to my niece's/sister's/brother's wedding because I can't be bothered!'

Moreover, why would not WANT to go to a close family member's wedding? Like your sister or brother or niece or nephew? Even a first cousin? I have even been to my cousin's son's wedding recently.

Some very odd attitudes on this thread. As I said, all I can think of is that these families are not close. At all... I find it most bizarre that people don't even know their cousins names! :huh:

As the person who brought up the issue of "two receptions", could I just clarify that I know that this is what happens now - what I said was it used not to.

My ex BIL didn't come to our wedding because Manchester City were playing at home - he told my ex that we should have got married in the off season. Nobody was bothered, if he didn't want to be there he didn't - his choice.

Mojisola

missbiggles1 wrote: »

As the person who brought up the issue of "two receptions", could I just clarify that I know that this is what happens now - what I said was it used not to.

We had a smallish wedding but everyone who was invited was invited for the day - the ceremony, a sit-down meal and then an afternoon buffet.

Other weddings around the same time were afternoon ceremonies, meal and evening do but, again, the guests were there for the whole event.

Having a second-class "only for the evening" guest list strikes me as being made up of people who don't really need to be invited.

Do these evening guests come to the ceremony and then go away for hours until they're accepted back into the fold? Or don't they attend the ceremony - so they celebrate in the evening something that they haven't been part of?

rachy182

If its a close relative eg a sibling then you cant say no, unless you have a good reason such as literally you cant afford it, its abroad or you've already already made a commitment. If you don't go your basically saying you dont care enough you prioritize your money and time on something else instead of them. I have some family such as cousins that i haven't seen in years where i may get an invite but wouldnt be offended if i declined.

I havent been to many weddings but most have been ceremony then evening reception with buffet and disco. I have heard of some with sit down meals but i think this becomes the most expensive part of the day and most struggle with paying for just the evening bit so this is the first thing that gets cut. Dont understand how people get so upset at others having big weddings when most costs for guests are the same no matter where its held unless its abroad.

Its nice to see a thread where the op actually seems as though they want to go to the wedding but realizes that staying overnight is an unnecessary expense. However i think there is some scorn over how expensive the wedding is. Besides from wanting the op to stay in the hotel (they were asked it wasn't demanded) he doesn't seem to be that bad. I think people forget that when they got married or had celebrations others gave up their time and money to be with them but i imagine even if they didnt spend a penny some would still have something to complain about.