Are we being mean ?

missbiggles1

Nicki wrote: »

They are a guest at the wedding ceremony and the reception afterwards. That is, I assume, being paid for by the couple. Separately from this, the groom has suggested that the family might like to have a meal together the night before as the hotel has a 2 night stay policy. He has also told OP that most of the family are staying over and suggested it might be nice if she did too. It would never occur to me that this was also to be paid for by the groom and I'm amazed that anyone thinks it should be. It is of course open to everyone not to come to the meal the evening before and not to stay overnight whether or not they attend that meal. It seems unreasonable to me to say that no one should be allowed to attend the meal though, or that the groom should not have suggested it even though the other members of the family would enjoy it, just because OP doesn't want to attend or thinks it is too much money. The key is that there is no awkwardness if OP refuses, which there wasn't here apparently

No, the OP made it very clear that the BIL wants(with a definite undercurrent of "expects") and, as 40 people agreed, unless he's paying, he can "want" all he likes!

gettingtheresometime

I also got the impression that the friday had been made compulsory in as much you could only realistically have a room on the Saturday night if you stayed the friday night.

Has the OP said there's going to be a 'rehearsal' dinner - it was me that said that that was another americanism that no doubt we'll import ....in the OP I can see no mention of there being a dinner planned

Nicki

The 2 night thing is probably the hotel and not the BIL though. I've had this more than once when trying to book one night over a weekend. A lot of hotels have a minimum 2 night stay policy right up to the weekend before at which point they will release unsold rooms for single nights.

Jagraf

The average cost per person to attend weddings in a year is £750. I can't even debate why that is a lot of money. There's something mildly nauseous about it.

PenguinOfDeath

Jagraf wrote: »

The average cost per person to attend weddings in a year is £750. I can't even debate why that is a lot of money. There's something mildly nauseous about it.

Really? I'm way below average again, then!

I have stayed over for a wedding evening do that was about 20 miles away. A £30 premier Inn vs a £40 return taxi ride was my choice, but I wasn't 'forced' into it.

Joanthebone

Gone are the days when the 'reception' was held at the brides family house, 'aunties' provided the buffet and a cake was bought from the local bakers... at least in those days the bride and groom did not start married life up to their necks in debt!!


Sorry, not read all the thread, but if it were me I would use taxis and go for the wedding day, which is the important thing!

Jagraf

Joanthebone wrote: »

Gone are the days when the 'reception' was held at the brides family house, 'aunties' provided the buffet and a cake was bought from the local bakers... at least in those days the bride and groom did not start married life up to their necks in debt!!


Sorry, not read all the thread, but if it were me I would use taxis and go for the wedding day, which is the important thing!

And wedding providers are rubbing heir hands at the stupidity of it all.

Buzzybee90

Jagraf wrote: »

And wedding providers are rubbing heir hands at the stupidity of it all.

I agree, it's bloody stupid.

I'm not yet married but fear being judged for not doing the all out, massive country hotel wedding, £200/night room shebang!

Jagraf

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I agree, it's bloody stupid.

I'm not yet married but fear being judged for not doing the all out, massive country hotel wedding, £200/night room shebang!

Please don't. Keep it real

Errata

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I agree, it's bloody stupid.

I'm not yet married but fear being judged for not doing the all out, massive country hotel wedding, £200/night room shebang!

Keep it small and very intimate and it will stand out and be remembered.