Did you live with your husband/wife before marriage?

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

However making the assumption that living together is as committed is just as wrong and diminishes more committed relationships and marriages.

A couple living together who have no plans to be in it for the long term, who know they don't really want to be together but are 'together for now' are not as committed as a marriage, fair enough.

However, a couple who plan to be together forever, who are in it for the long haul but are unmarried, are just as committed as those that are married.

itsanne

It was your frustration about people's responses to your views re marriage versus living together which made me respond to you.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Obviously I don't know you so have no thoughts about your relationship.

Remember I just used myself as an example. You have commented on (have thoughts about) other people's relationships without knowing them, just knowing that they are not married.


It's naive though to think that people aren't interested in other people's lives and as such do make assumptions depending on our own experiences.

For instance we may be surprised how quickly a couple move in together or that a couple who seem right are getting divorced.

You're right in saying that people can be interested in other people's lives / relationships and surprised at things that happen in them, but that's not the same as judging them or seeing one type as somehow more worthy than another, which is what antagonises those you deem less worthy. Maybe it's your own example of surprise at a couple who seem 'right' divorcing which could encourage you to look beyond what bit of paper has or has not been signed: the marriage in that situation didn't mean any extra commitment. Ultimately, marriage is important for you (and me, as it happens), but that doesn't mean that other people's relationships are less committed because they do not share that viewpoint.

Greenqueen_2

We married in the early eighties. Certainly did not live together first. Both innocent. (well that`s what our parents thought)!

I will always remember on the morning of my wedding Mum asked if we had "done the deed". when I expressed shock she said "well you should try before you buy"!!!

He turned out to be a good buy- we are still happily together.

System

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

A couple living together who have no plans to be in it for the long term, who know they don't really want to be together but are 'together for now' are not as committed as a marriage, fair enough.

However, a couple who plan to be together forever, who are in it for the long haul but are unmarried, are just as committed as those that are married.

I think that's my view too.

People can be committed to each other without marriage, not everyone wants to get married, or believes in it, and find if it ain't broke don't fix it, if that works for them fair be it and i don't think that makes them any less committed than a married couple.

Though for me i see living with someone as a test run for marraige as i would like to be married eventually. But if i didn't want to get married but still felt committed to the person i was with i'd take offence at someone telling me my relationship was less valid than theirs just cos they were married.

onlyroz

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

What world do you live in.

So many couples know they will get married but aren't engaged yet, in the most commonly understood definition of the term.

Surely if you "know" that you're getting married then you're engaged? And by "know", one partner has said "will you marry me?" (Or an equivalent) and the other has said yes.

Buzzybee90

onlyroz wrote: »

Surely if you "know" that you're getting married then you're engaged? And by "know", one partner has said "will you marry me?" (Or an equivalent) and the other has said yes.

People know without being officially asked, or asking.

System

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

People know without being officially asked, or asking.

I think there's a thin line

For example, i want to get married and bf wants to get married eventually, though we've not discussed being married to each other so in that case i don;t think you'd count is as being engaged. That said if we were to discuss a vague idea of being married to each other i wouldn't consider it an engagement until one of us asked the other. Fair enough if you say "we'll get married next year", but i don't think discussing it equals a technical engagement .

annie_d

Unusually I am with Torry on this…If you are getting married then you are engaged.

I dont agree with living with a partner before marriage……although I have done this twice. Life is like that sometimes.

onlyroz

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

People know without being officially asked, or asking.

I think you'll have to explain in more detail how that works. Are you taking about telepathy, or something?

missbiggles1

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

People know without being officially asked, or asking.

That way of thinking leads to misunderstanding and heartbreak.