Did you live with your husband/wife before marriage?

Torry_Quine

BarryBlue wrote: »

I still don't see why other people's private business would make you mad. Unless, of course, you are among those who would like to tell other people how they should live their lives. You do like to suggest that somehow being married is "superior" to living together. This is nonsense. As I have said, you can be committed or uncommitted in either situation.


I repeat, engagement is not an official status and we never considered the idea. It means nothing. Again, it smacks of telling other people what they should do. Even when we had been to the register office and booked the date, we did not consider our status to be engaged. You are not in a position to tell us otherwise.

No my anger or annoyance is not about private business. It's because when I've said that marriage and living together aren't necessarily equivalent I am told that of course they are. You and others here have agreed with me so why do people say that they are.

You may not have considered yourselves engaged ( that's your choice) but you were as you had agree to marry.

itsanne

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If this is the case and obviously it is then how does the outsider know the difference and when does the casual arrangement become more?

Why does the outsider have to know? It's not of relevance to anyone other than the couple concerned.

This has shown that when living together is said to not be equivalent to marriage that can indeed be the case.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You are all making my point though. It is constantly said on MSE and other places that living together is the same as being married but as shown here it isn't in all cases. Why then are people castigated for expressing what is patently true?

It isn't in all cases but it is in others. It's for the couple concerned to decide how committed they are, not you or me or Joe Bloggs.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

No my anger or annoyance is not about private business. It's because when I've said that marriage and living together aren't necessarily equivalent I am told that of course they are. You and others here have agreed with me so why do people say that they are.

They aren't necessarily equivalent, but for many couples they are. Making the assumption that a couple who live together is less committed simply because they have not married is patronising and judgemental. People will react to that.

Torry_Quine

itsanne wrote: »

It isn't in all cases but it is in others. It's for the couple concerned to decide how committed they are, not you or me or Joe Bloggs.



They aren't necessarily equivalent, but for many couples they are. Making the assumption that a couple who live together is less committed simply because they have not married is patronising and judgemental. People will react to that.

However making the assumption that living together is as committed is just as wrong and diminishes more committed relationships and marriages.

itsanne

Torry_Quine wrote: »

However making the assumption that living together is as committed is just as wrong and diminishes more committed relationships and marriages.

Why do you need to make any assumptions?


Using myself for simplicity, but the principle is the same for everyone else:

I don't see what difference anyone else's relationship, married or living together, makes to mine. I love my husband. That won't change whether someone else is married or living with their partner or for any other reason. Without wanting to be rude, what you think of our relationship does not matter in the slightest. It wouldn't diminish it if we'd decided to live together and it doesn't enhance it because we got married. It's simply irrelevant. I don't see why it matters to you.

Buzzybee90

Torry_Quine wrote: »

However making the assumption that living together is as committed is just as wrong and diminishes more committed relationships and marriages.

Oh get over yourself, please.

Every single time there's a thread like this you're on here telling people married is better, and that everyone is engaged!

Torry_Quine

itsanne wrote: »

Why do you need to make any assumptions?


Using myself for simplicity, but the principle is the same for everyone else:

I don't see what difference anyone else's relationship, married or living together, makes to mine. I love my husband. That won't change whether someone else is married or living with their partner or for any other reason. Without wanting to be rude, what you think of our relationship does not matter in the slightest. It wouldn't diminish it if we'd decided to live together and it doesn't enhance it because we got married. It's simply irrelevant. I don't see why it matters to you.

Obviously I don't know you so have no thoughts about your relationship. It's naive though to think that people aren't interested in other people's lives and as such do make assumptions depending on our own experiences.

For instance we may be surprised how quickly a couple move in together or that a couple who seem right are getting divorced.

Torry_Quine

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Oh get over yourself, please.

Every single time there's a thread like this you're on here telling people married is better, and that everyone is engaged!

Why on earth would I tell everyone that they are engaged? Yes I personally believe marriage is better but accept that others may not agree.

Buzzybee90

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Why on earth would I tell everyone that they are engaged? Yes I personally believe marriage is better but accept that others may not agree.

I strongly believe in marriage for me. You have no right to decide what's best for others.

You do, every time someone says they are considering marriage you pop up telling them they're already engaged. For some odd reason.

Torry_Quine

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I strongly believe in marriage for me. You have no right to decide what's best for others.

You do, every time someone says they are considering marriage you pop up telling them they're already engaged. For some odd reason.

If you have decided that you are getting married then it is the norm to think that you are engaged, very few individuals would think otherwise!

Buzzybee90

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If you have decided that you are getting married then it is the norm to think that you are engaged, very few individuals would think otherwise!

What world do you live in.

So many couples know they will get married but aren't engaged yet, in the most commonly understood definition of the term.