Lose Weight 14

victory

Thank you very much for all your support, it is heart felt appreciated, thank you:o , bb I am cancelling my mother, thank you, thought about it and I cannot handle the stress, everything that I hold dear (house, H ,kids, the way I live, how I cook, what I eat, what I say, how I said it) will be critisised, more so if she gets bored and being here for a week will make her bored and picky so I am going to re-arrange it where we all meet up for the day and she will not be with me on her own when her best comes to the fore, she goes on and then when questioned she utters 'what me? I never said that':eek:

You are absolutely right it has got a lot worse with the impending mother visit she can and does reduce me to a useless 5 year old that is easily manipulated, yes it is verbal which is just crippling...

suggs Thank you, I know it was wrong of me to not go out with H especially seen as he returned early from work and I also know I have become somewhat of a food bore, there is no question he is supportive, all the way but now he considers it to be finished (I consider it to be the beginning of a hard road) he wants no more to do with it....

victory

katiepoppycat wrote: »

victory, I am so so sorry that you aren't happy - therehave been hints of it, you've mentioned a few times that it's been remarked that you look gaunt. How do you think you look? Honestly? . You can do this Victory, we are all here to support you however we can.xxx

Thank you very much, I see myself as a slim person with a desperate need to keep it that way but finding it impossible to believe that this is me now and can continue to be if I go about the right way of things....
4 people said to me today that I must not loose anymore weight that I have passed the slim stage, 3 people said to me to eat more...
I see this as a part time stage,I have a secret stash of milk choc biscuits, yes silly me for buying them but I have become resentful I should not have them so bought them...
The other night I wanted a proper bacon sandwich, H said go for it, no big issue, so I had it but came into the living room for H to see two slices of white bread and a few bits of bacon...while in the kitchen I HAD eaten 4 other bits of bread and more bacon but did not want him to see it...
Crumbs lots of confessions there...turns out I don't like me, food wise I have become a liar, sneaky and secretive, I enjoyed the sandwich but not the deceit....
I guess I know where that started from, the other day I had just sat down with a slice of toast and H comes back early from work, straight away he asks me what am I doing? Why am I eating that? It is not like you? What made you decide to eat white bread, you only eat brown? The questions went on and I felt as if I had done something really terrible and pulled back on the food intake for a few days to make up for the one piece of toast I had....
I see me as dysfunctional:rolleyes: everyone else seems to be happy with the younger slimmer version of their daughter/sister in law/mum whatever but not me...

serendisglair

Hullo Vic,

Please take the forum advice to heart it is all good quality stuff.

Hard to actually put what I want to say in writing as I just feel like giving you a hug!

The only way you can make yourself confident is to believe in yourself. It doesn't matter what size you are you have to be happy with yourself. A lot of people think that when they are think they will automatically be happy. You have achieved a fantastic amount and have been a real inspiration on this thread.

Tell your OH you've reached your goal weight but you're struggling as you're scared about letting it slip away again, also tell him that your confidence has been knocked and needs rebuilding...the reason you get questioned is because it is out of character for the dieting you but not the maintaining you.

As to letting it all get out of hand again don't worry...
Set yourself a red flag weight say two pound down from the highest weight you ever want to be. Then forget about diting...let yourself have fun with food again whilst maintaining a healthier approach than you would have done before you started your fantastic journey. Keep to the weekly weighins. If the weight creeps down then you know you can have an extra slice of bread..if it creeps up to the red flag weight then uh-oh...put on a pair of trainers and add a bit of exercise in or do a few SW days to bring it back in line. Keep to this and you will never be fat again you'll be in control.

You have lots of nice clothes sat there in your wardrobe...go through them and pick out 5 outfits...they don't have to be outrageous outfits but they will be new slim outfits...then wear them with confidence...if you believe you look ace you will be noticed and admired even by your boss :-p

Only you can fix that one though vic and all it will take is practise! start off with a new top...take care over your hair and concentrate on feeling fab...set another date with your OH and arrange to meet him there so you don't cancel. Little things like this will add up until one day you will feel far more confident....trust me I've been the wallflower then I learnt to live with myself and people see me as far more confident than I really am which means I get a lot more out of things than i used to.

As for the mum ...deaf ears....they start criticising you either call them on it or just go...thats nice and change the topic like you haven't really listened...

My gran sounds a bit like your mum and we normally grit our teeth...until one day she started to whinge about my brothers girlfriend and he turned round and said 'shut the trap old woman' she was so shocked and he hasn't had any grief from her since!

other than that keep the distance and remember they won't change you have t change how you deal with it...stay away and don't take to heart anything they say (I do know this is easier said than done)

Theres not a great deal to be done about boss relationships just keep it civil and don't give her cause to fault your work...she might respond more if you don't try so hard and if you're nothing more than professional then she won't have anything to complain about either....

not sure if any of this rambing helps...I think other people have said it better...

BUT D TALK TO YOUR OH. at least if he can understand your confidence problem he'll be there to help you through it...and for goodness sake...go to a posh italian or summat and have some ice cream without thinking about the point calories...I promise you won't turn into a whale overnight (unless you eat an entire truckful!)
hugs
seren

Brighton_belle

victory wrote: »

Thank you very much for all your support, it is heart felt appreciated, thank you:o , bb I am cancelling my mother, thank you, ....

Well done Victory: it takes tremendous emotional effort and courage to stand up to a bully, and more so when it's your mother. Be proud of yourself: I'm so impressed by you having the courage and self knowledge that you need to do this. Don't forget too that you have broken the pattern by not passing on this form of mothering to your own children.
She isn't going to change now, as you know, all you can do is damage limitation to yourself by limited contact in the company of others.


WI time
Put me down for a 2lb loss please Lois . Now where's those caramel slices. ..
NO no no no. I only need to lose 1 more lb to reach my 1.5 stone and there's the threat of ructions to consider.

bb

vixtress

i am going to bite the bullet and ask if i can join you :hello:
i have been thinking for a few days that i need to stop waking up in the middle of the night thinking about how miserable i have become about my weight and actually get off my butt and do somthing about it!!

i was intending of writing myself a list of reasons why i should lose weight and i thought that having this (for my eyes only) might help. i now think that if i write that list here for the world to see then there is no denying it and no going back, i dont know why i cant get my act together, i know how much happier i am when i am slimmer, or even when i am doing ok and feeling less bloated. i am sorry this is such a ramble and to be honest it is just as much for myself as for the thread.

my reasons for wanting to lose weight....here goes........

i actually like myself a lot more, i think this is more about me being in control, i feel much better about myself from day one of 'dieting' (dont like to use that word)
i feel much more confident to go out, especially with any slim, glam friends, this is pathetic, i know as my friends like me for me not for how i look!!
i would be happier in my clothes, i would love to get back into pre babies clothes.
i would be happier seeing all the people who knew me when i was slim... silly i know but i have let myself go since having the kids.
i want to feel atractive again,
i want to be one of the trendy mums at school, god i sound superficial but this is bare your soul time so no skirting ver the truth.
i am less sh**ty with OH when i am in control of my eating, even he notices how much happier with myself i am.

all in all i am just much happier, so why arent i doing somthing about it, i need to change my attitude, its only food for god sake, i am in control!!!

this is probably the most honest post i have ever written, hope i am ok to join you and any tips would be very gratefully received, thanks

ps, i am about 14st 2lbs, i am 5' 10 and want to get back to 10st 10lbs (will get weighed tomorrow as i dont have any cales)
vix

victory

Thanks seren fabulous post and I truly appreciate it, thank you very much and to you bb I emailed my mother (you are so right about the bully bit) as she lives in Spain and it will cost me to call her and to my brother who is trying to arrange all the drop offs and meet ups that we will just see each other for the day and a day only...feel better for that, weight lifted, putting myself under too much strain, having her here for a week would have been too much, now we can all see each other and smile:D

I will talk to OH he is not back from work until 11.30pm so will def talk to him about the confidence bit and he is going to be surprised how I have cancelled my mother!!

Welcome vixtress

victory

vixtress wrote: »

i am going to bite the bullet and ask if i can join you :hello:
i have been thinking for a few days that i need to stop waking up in the middle of the night thinking about how miserable i have become about my weight and actually get off my butt and do somthing about it!!

i was intending of writing myself a list of reasons why i should lose weight and i thought that having this (for my eyes only) might help. i now think that if i write that list here for the world to see then there is no denying it and no going back, i dont know why i cant get my act together, i know how much happier i am when i am slimmer, or even when i am doing ok and feeling less bloated. i am sorry this is such a ramble and to be honest it is just as much for myself as for the thread.

my reasons for wanting to lose weight....here goes........

i actually like myself a lot more, i think this is more about me being in control, i feel much better about myself from day one of 'dieting' (dont like to use that word)
i feel much more confident to go out, especially with any slim, glam friends, this is pathetic, i know as my friends like me for me not for how i look!!
i would be happier in my clothes, i would love to get back into pre babies clothes.
i would be happier seeing all the people who knew me when i was slim... silly i know but i have let myself go since having the kids.
i want to feel atractive again,
i want to be one of the trendy mums at school, god i sound superficial but this is bare your soul time so no skirting ver the truth.
i am less sh**ty with OH when i am in control of my eating, even he notices how much happier with myself i am.

all in all i am just much happier, so why arent i doing somthing about it, i need to change my attitude, its only food for god sake, i am in control!!!

this is probably the most honest post i have ever written, hope i am ok to join you and any tips would be very gratefully received, thanks

ps, i am about 14st 2lbs, i am 5' 10 and want to get back to 10st 10lbs (will get weighed tomorrow as i dont have any cales)
vix

It is good to be honest and you are more than welcome to join:D get weighed at boots where the scales show your weight, height, BMI, if you are going to do it weekly get a smart card from the chemist side of boots and it saves you money off each weigh in...
Throw temptation out....drink loads of water with lemon, hot, cold, just drink loads, up the exercise anything you enjoy will make it seem less of a hardship, dancing, cycling,swimming anything, join WW if you can or SW a group makes it easier, set yourself small goals, 2lb a week is fine, try not to look at the big picture otherwise it may floor you before you start, buy loads of herbs, beans-lentils, salads, sugar free jelly, buy everything that is low fat, low sugar, low calories, buy or go to the library for some recipe books for low fat cooking, time to eat by WW is highly recommended, there are loads of 0 points salads,soups etc that you can eat all day long if you want to.....buy fresh fruit, cook fresh, throw out the processed rubbish, all the biscuits,crisps all gone, start off healthy, don't starve....

vixtress

thank you for the welcomeand well done on youre amazing weight loss!!!
i did post yesterday about weight watchers online, i was thinking about joining as there is no way i can get to a meeting. from the replies i am not sure it is really worth the money though, still not sure what to do about it!
i have a good store cupboard and love to cook, i can usually be found on the old style board! i am on a budget (not as tight as many though) and cook for myself, OH and 2 little ones. i think a lot of my problem is portion control if i am honest. i eat as much as v big OH :eek:
any pulse recipes would be good, OH takes a bit of convincing with beans/lentils etc but he also knows he can either eat what i cook or make his own so he rarely complains
i feel much better just having made this first step, thanks

Suggs

victory wrote: »

suggs Thank you, I know it was wrong of me to not go out with H especially seen as he returned early from work and I also know I have become somewhat of a food bore, there is no question he is supportive, all the way but now he considers it to be finished (I consider it to be the beginning of a hard road) he wants no more to do with it....

Couple of more things Victory, firstly your OH is dead right, it is finished, Congratulations you have hit and surpassed your target. But as serendisglair has said talk to the old man and explain this is the new part of your journey, the next step. the challagne is now to maintian, which means you can eat a little more and yes the Bacon Sandwich is allowed

Red flagging the weight is a good idea, from my discussions with the dietictian, I am allowed 7lb before any problems, but as Im a little bigger than you, shall we say 4lb?

grannynise

Victory I can't say anything better than has already been said. You've been so successful at losing I'm absolutely sure that you just need to establish your own way of maintaining.

It's early days yet for the 'being slim Victory' so of course it's going to be difficult, with all sorts of new challenges to deal with. But you had challenges on the path as you lost your weight and you overcame them just as you will with these new challenges.

The fact that you've dealt so well with your mother just shows that you are a strong person ... believe in yourself. You are great!

Maybe you could share some of these posts with your OH? If he is a naturally thin person with no more than a passing interest in food he really won't have any idea of what a battle it can be for us. Maybe that would give him an insight into how you're feeling?

Hugs hugs and more hugs