Age gaps

southoftheriver

I dated someone almost 25 years older than me. We actually had a lot in common in terms of shared interests but long term wanted different things. Interestingly when I did break things off he said he would have done the things I'd wanted (i.e. marriage, children) but that isn't a recipe for a strong relationship!

He was also bemused at how independent I was and that I didn't particularly "need" him. His previous relationships had been based around very traditional male/female roles.

maman

southoftheriver wrote: »

He was also bemused at how independent I was and that I didn't particularly "need" him. His previous relationships had been based around very traditional male/female roles.

That's interesting.


There have been times when my DH has been out with our grown up DD and people have made assumptions that they're an item. He's always said that he couldn't imagine not being 'fatherly' towards a woman young enough to be his daughter.


But then maybe that's what some look for in a relationship. I certainly know many women (no appreciable age gap) who treat their partners as if they were their sons (making packed lunch, putting out clean clothes, buying clothes, packing for holidays etc.)!:rotfl:

onlyroz

southoftheriver wrote: »

I dated someone almost 25 years older than me. We actually had a lot in common in terms of shared interests but long term wanted different things. Interestingly when I did break things off he said he would have done the things I'd wanted (i.e. marriage, children) but that isn't a recipe for a strong relationship!

He was also bemused at how independent I was and that I didn't particularly "need" him. His previous relationships had been based around very traditional male/female roles.

Something I've read about age gap relationships when the woman is younger. A young woman might be looking for security in her older man, but as she matures she becomes more independent and less needy - this shift in dynamic can be a relationship-breaker in some cases, when the man still wants a woman he can "look after" but his partner no longer needs that.

maman

onlyroz wrote: »

Something I've read about age gap relationships when the woman is younger. A young woman might be looking for security in her older man, but as she matures she becomes more independent and less needy - this shift in dynamic can be a relationship-breaker in some cases, when the man still wants a woman he can "look after" but his partner no longer needs that.

I'm sure that happens.


I had a similar experience but without the age difference. I married young and found that as my career and interests developed my ex didn't appreciate the 'grown up' me. He wanted someone who would fit in with his IMO outdated way of life i.e. that of his mother. Yes, he was offering to 'look after' me but I wanted to be independent, use my education, make new friends etc etc.


That's why I'm convinced (taking age related illness aside) it's not about age gap but about personality and interests.


On the gaming discussion. I don't have a problem with adults playing games if that's what they choose to do with their time but I just know I wouldn't be compatible with someone who did that.

j.e.j.

onlyroz wrote: »

Why is gaming any "sadder" than watching TV? At least it's an interactive form of entertainment which requires engaging your brain. I've never heard of WarCrack, and I think GTA is despicable. But each to their own.

It's sad if ANYTHING takes over your life, be it internet, tv, gaming or whatever. WarCrack is the nickname for WarCraft. People are on there all night, literally, it's so addictive. If it's done in moderation then there's no problem.

I don't know if gaming is sadder than watching tv. Some of the dross on telly is probably even worse, but a grown man playing Super Mario Carts is quite funny

FredG

I've been in relationships with a ten year gap and never had an issue. A person's maturity generally isn't defined by their age, nor is their zest for life.

On the gaming topic, I think people who find this a sad hobby for an adult don't really have any exposure to modern day videogames. As an activity it is far less passive than television and keeps me far more engaged than the serialised dross most channels broadcast. My girlfriend's mother is 64 and recently bought a PS4 and a copy of Destiny....you're never too old to adapt and learn to appreciate something new.

Gavin83

I'm nearly 30 and still a massive kid. I still play computer games and even buy lego sets, I find the building therapeutic. I am a bit of a geek but proud of it!

As for age gaps I don't think it really becomes a problem until your older. A 50 year old with a 25 year old is perfectly achievable. However when the 25 year old is 50 and their partner is 75 theres a good chance they'll be a carer before the age they should be. I've seen this recently in my own family.

Jagraf

j.e.j. wrote: »

It's sad if ANYTHING takes over your life, be it internet, tv, gaming or whatever. WarCrack is the nickname for WarCraft. People are on there all night, literally, it's so addictive. If it's done in moderation then there's no problem.

I don't know if gaming is sadder than watching tv. Some of the dross on telly is probably even worse, but a grown man playing Super Mario Carts is quite funny

I agree if it becomes addictive its different.

Although physical exercise is obviously great for stress, anything where you can take the pressure of work away is also good. So I watch corrie and my OH fiddles on his phone or laptop, usually playing some kind of football based game.

I don't think any of it is 'sad' its how it fits into your life.

Let's face it, we're all on here a lot.

20aday

I've dated someone who was 20 years older than me. We're still good friends (I rent a room off him and he's since gone on to marry.) At the time we had a lot of interests and things in common but ultimately ended up wanting different things. That's not to say I didn't put my foot in it one or two times!

catkins

I don't think age gaps necessarily matter but usually as the couple age if the gap is large it begins to show more and can make a difference.


A couple of friends I know who married men quite a lot older than them ended up divorced because the men just became boring and didn't want to go anywhere or do anything but, of course, that is not true of all older men.


All my boyfriends except 1 were younger than me and I found the older one (he was about 8 years older) very boring. My OH is 3 years younger than me