Age gaps

Georgiegirl256

There is 10 years between me and DH (he's 10 years older), and my Dad was 16 years older than my Mam.

I think it helps when people are young at heart. My Dad looked 10-15 years younger than he was, acted a lot younger, kept active and had plenty of interests. Infact he had a much younger outlook on life than my Mam.

Georgiegirl256

purpleshoes wrote: »

Has this topic not already been done to death on here?

It has, but personally I always find it very interesting. Having been brought up in an age gap relationship (although you'd hardly of known), and being in one myself, I like reading the other posts as to me, you can't help help who you fall in love with, and age is just a number.

I think when there's an extreme age gap then of course problems can and in a lot of cases will arise, but for the majority of people things will run like any other relationship.

Illness etc can unfortunately strike at any age. You could both be in your twenties and one partner might have to be a carer for another partner. If you love someone and have talked through any potential problems that might arise because of the age gap, then I say go for it.

I think the biggest gap I'd probably allow for me personally would be about 20 years, but then again, you never can say! *not that I'm looking of course!*

peachyprice

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

However.....I have thought, what happens in (say) eight year's time if she wants children and he is nearly fifty and his children are in their twenties? He can't really say no, can he? I just hope they have addressed these issues and others that might arise from the age gap and

This is the situation my 1st husband is now in. He's 50 this year, his wife is 31, they have a 4yo and she's expecting another in July, our sons together are 20. He's finding it really hard work being a dad to young children again. give the choice I think he probably wouldn't have had any more, certainly not the one coming along now. But he knew she wanted her own children when he married her. Hopefully she'll be happy with just 2, I don't think he'd survive a 3rd!


There's 7 years between me and my OH, I'm older but fitter so that evens itself out

There's 11 years between my MIL and FIL, he's now 81 and in poor health, she's 'only' 69, still wants to be active but finds she's pretty much tied to home caring for her husband, she's finding it hard work, as much as she loves him.

seven-day-weekend

peachyprice wrote: »

This is the situation my 1st husband is now in. He's 50 this year, his wife is 31, they have a 4yo and she's expecting another in July, our sons together are 20. He's finding it really hard work being a dad to young children again.


There's 7 years between me and my OH, I'm older but fitter so that evens itself out

There's 11 years between my MIL and FIL, he's now 81 and in poor health, she's 'only' 69, still wants to be active but finds she's pretty much tied to home caring for her husband, she's finding it hard work, as much as she loves him.

Your quote of my post has things in it that I did not say. I think someone else's post has been added onto the end of it.

Jagraf

I think this is a little bit like saying "I want four children" or "I want a boy" or "I will have my own house by the time I'm 25" etc. you really don't know what is round the corner and instead of having ideals you just have to find happiness in the here and now. So relationships with age gaps can be just as fulfilling as those with no gap. People are well, ill, die young, die old. My Dad is in his seventies and a lot fitter than my husband and brother as they don't look after themselves so well (stress, weight etc).

And as someone else said, you can't help who you fall in love with. Just be happy that you've fallen in love.

Peter333

I think a large age gap (over 22-25 years,) is unlikely to work in the majority of cases. Also I find even a smaller age gap also depends on how old the couple are.

EG, if there is a 14 year age gap and the younger one is 18 and the older one is 32, that is sure to fail IMO, as 18 is still very young and many 18 y.o are very immature. And the 32 year old would be pretty much ready to settle down and have kids IMO. (In most cases.)

If they were both 20 years older (38 and 52,) then it would stand a better chance IMO.

I have known VERY few people with age gaps of more than 5-7 years. One was a 12 year one; him 32 and her 44; they are still together 10 years on - (so they're 42 and 54 of course.) However, she looked virtually the same age as him when they married, but now, he has hardly changed, and she has aged dramatically, and she looks like his mother!

A cousin of mine married a 43 year old man when she was 20; that lasted 3 years.

And also a colleague of mine married a man 18 years older - her 24 and him 42. That lasted 5 years! He had already been married and had 2 grown kids, and didn't want any more. She didn't want children when they got married, and then after 4-5 years, she did.

I also know several middle aged women (40 to 50) who had 'toyboys;' half their age - the relationships lasted between 6 months and 2 years.

Certainly the vast majority of people I know have less than 7 years between them and their spouse/partner.

I mean, a woman of 44 with a 19 year old male? What do they do together? Go skateboarding? Or stay in and play Grand theft auto? And what if he wants a child later on, when he is 25 and she is 50? THAT is when you start getting these silly women having IVF and having a baby at 50! An absurd age to have a baby!

I also used to know a woman in her mid 40s who was dating a 23 year old man, and she complained and got uppity when people said she looked like his mother. LOL, what did she expect when she was a year OLDER than his mother?! :rotfl:

Overall though, I think that if one person is young enough to be the other person's child, then it's going to be a battle.

Goldiegirl

My husband is 9 years older than me. To me that seems like no gap at all.


I would say 25 - 30 years is a big age gap, as the parties involved would be at different stages in their lives. But if they are happy together and make it work, then I can't see a problem with it.

Jagraf

Peter333 wrote: »

I think a large age gap (over 22-25 years,) is unlikely to work in the majority of cases. Also I find even a smaller age gap also depends on how old the couple are.

EG, if there is a 14 year age gap and the younger one is 18 and the older one is 32, that is sure to fail IMO, as 18 is still very young and many 18 y.o are very immature. And the 32 year old would be pretty much ready to settle down and have kids IMO. (In most cases.)

If they were both 20 years older (38 and 52,) then it would stand a better chance IMO.

I have known VERY few people with age gaps of more than 5-7 years. One was a 12 year one; him 32 and her 44; they are still together 10 years on - (so they're 42 and 54 of course.) However, she looked virtually the same age as him when they married, but now, he has hardly changed, and she has aged dramatically, and she looks like his mother!

A cousin of mine married a 43 year old man when she was 20; that lasted 3 years.

And also a colleague of mine married a man 18 years older - her 24 and him 42. That lasted 5 years! He had already been married and had 2 grown kids, and didn't want any more. She didn't want children when they got married, and then after 4-5 years, she did.

I also know several middle aged women (40 to 50) who had 'toyboys;' half their age - the relationships lasted between 6 months and 2 years.

Certainly the vast majority of people I know have less than 7 years between them and their spouse/partner.

I mean, a woman of 44 with a 19 year old male? What do they do together? Go skateboarding? Or stay in and play Grand theft auto? And what if he wants a child later on, when he is 25 and she is 50? THAT is when you start getting these silly women having IVF and having a baby at 50! An absurd age to have a baby!

I also used to know a woman in her mid 40s who was dating a 23 year old man, and she complained and got uppity when people said she looked like his mother. LOL, what did she expect when she was a year OLDER than his mother?! :rotfl:

Overall though, I think that if one person is young enough to be the other person's child, then it's going to be a battle.

I think you make some very good points.

However, you can be the same age and at different points of your life too. Eg, my ex had a child at 30, and has started again at 46 with a woman the same age as him roughly as she didn't have kids.

Or you can be different ages and at he same point in life.

Perhaps its more about where you are in life than age?

peachyprice

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Your quote of my post has things in it that I did not say. I think someone else's post has been added onto the end of it.

I wondered where by edit had gone! Sorry, I put it in the wrong place.

chiefie

My wife is 7 years older so it has become tricky sorting out and aligning pensions. And she will still probably outlive me :rotfl: