OH hates my new accent...

lostinrates

pollypenny wrote: »

I think talking with mouths full is a bugbear for lots of people.

My ENT consultant was very sympathetic to my tinnitus and reassured me that, while it wouldn't stop, I could be helped to learn not to let it annoy me.

Check if there is anything for your wife.

I have tinnatus too:o ( my head is a mess, i have complex neurological conditions which have impacted on things like sinuses and stuff... The misophonia is separate).

I would say there is a comparason, because you dannot switch them off and both can make you cross, but it is true that the cross ness one can feel with misophonia can be shocking. Some misophonics talk about being moved to physical violence or worse. I am very lucky i suppose i have not felt that. But then, i seem to understand that what happens in the mouths of others might well repel me but that is not my jurisdiction unless they are a child under my care i can steer towards good table manners. I do not like people to speak with food in theor mouths but certainly do not expect to see them swallow. :rotfl:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

What happens if the baby's voice changes and it suddenly starts to bug her? Will she wail and stamp her feet over that?

If she's telling you that you sound stupid or like a country bumpkin, she's not expressing misphonia. She's being a snob. And if somebody said similar to me, I'd be sorely tempted to reply that they sound like a person in dire need of psychological assistance in dealing with their issues - or a good divorce lawyer. Then she'll never have to suffer the trauma of not being able to control what another person eats or says again.

LIR doesn't bully anybody. But Princess Posh gets to be nasty to anybody she wants? With no attempt to address her possible medical condition (which I already doubt because it's personal abuse and not 'I find it difficult, but I will wear headphones during meals and I promise not to be spiteful about anything')?


I only found a partner's voice irritating when, in my mind, the relationship was past the point of recovery. I could tolerate one mispronouncing words when I actually still wanted to be with him, I could ignore his non existent table manners as he slurped and shovelled in food he'd mashed into a pulp. But the moment that affection died due to other things, was when I had the feeling that I was lumbered with a !!!!!! gutter dweller.

downhillfast

purpleshoes wrote: »

So how do you feel living with someone with this condition? How did the person who your wife cried because of the way they were eating at the family meal feel?

Im really sorry for the issues you are facing, but your thread as many others have on these pages before at the moment is smacking of, if there's help available my wife won't be able to deal with it because of the way she is.

She needs help and support, you need help and support and with a child soon coming, they are going to need help and support if your wife's condition goes untreated.

Put it this way, left to its own devices her condition won't get better by self treatment will it?

I totally appreciate that she needs help... I just know her very well and know that unless there is some treatment available that doesn't just involve avoidence and coping strategies then she will struggle to throw herself into it. Getting her to relax during this latter stage of pregnancy has been hard enough as she is a total work-aholic... the idea of any kind of relaxation, yoga healthy-mind-type-stuff is completely lost on her. The idea of any type of talking therapy ... almost impossible for her to contemplate as she won't see instant results...

duchy

purpleshoes wrote: »

So how do you feel living with someone with this condition? How did the person who your wife cried because of the way they were eating at the family meal feel?

Im really sorry for the issues you are facing, but your thread as many others have on these pages before at the moment is smacking of, if there's help available my wife won't be able to deal with it because of the way she is.

She needs help and support, you need help and support and with a child soon coming, they are going to need help and support if your wife's condition goes untreated.

Put it this way, left to its own devices her condition won't get better by self treatment will it?

This resonates with me.
My autistic son would love to never discuss his autism with anyone including the medical profession.

Plenty of people with mental health issues don't like talking about it - but when their issues are impacting on those around them as well as themselves then it is time to get some help.

If she was self harming you wouldn't hesitate to insist she got professional help despite the fact she'd feel uncomfortable talking about it. This is no different.

When it was just the two of you and you were prepared to put up with her "ways" it is one thing - but now you have a child coming -is it really fair to brig a child up to think that some of her "funny ideas" are the way people behave normally ? The child will learn from you both- do you really want her to come home from school crying because she told a classmate she "sounds like a farmer and it's disgusting" and now the child won't play with her ? Kids are like sponges they soak everything up good and bad.

downhillfast

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

What happens if the baby's voice changes and it suddenly starts to bug her? Will she wail and stamp her feet over that?

If she's telling you that you sound stupid or like a country bumpkin, she's not expressing misphonia. She's being a snob. And if somebody said similar to me, I'd be sorely tempted to reply that they sound like a person in dire need of psychological assistance in dealing with their issues - or a good divorce lawyer. Then she'll never have to suffer the trauma of not being able to control what another person eats or says again.

LIR doesn't bully anybody. But Princess Posh gets to be nasty to anybody she wants? With no attempt to address her possible medical condition (which I already doubt because it's personal abuse and not 'I find it difficult, but I will wear headphones during meals and I promise not to be spiteful about anything')?


I only found a partner's voice irritating when, in my mind, the relationship was past the point of recovery. I could tolerate one mispronouncing words when I actually still wanted to be with him, I could ignore his non existent table manners as he slurped and shovelled in food he'd mashed into a pulp. But the moment that affection died due to other things, was when I had the feeling that I was lumbered with a !!!!!! gutter dweller.

I appreciate that this thread is quite long now and you may not have read all of it but some of the things you are saying are just plain mean. My OH does try to avoid these situations to prevent any anger building up... she also tries to avoid hearing unwanted noises during meals by insisting the TV is turned up. I have also explained that it is not accents per se that trigger her - merely certain sounds that my changing accent seems to produce... it's very reassuring that you think to question the safety and wellbeing of my child incase she stamps her feet over it but believe me it really isn't neccessary.

As for a divorce lawyer? Who said we had relationship problems? We have a problem with a medical condition (which I appreciate isn't officially diagnosed but there really is no doubt in either my mind or her immediate family). It sounds like your ex the '!!!!!! gutter dweller' (and you call my wife a snob?) had a lucky escape.

purpleshoes_2

downhillfast wrote: »

I totally appreciate that she needs help... I just know her very well and know that unless there is some treatment available that doesn't just involve avoidence and coping strategies then she will struggle to throw herself into it. Getting her to relax during this latter stage of pregnancy has been hard enough as she is a total work-aholic... the idea of any kind of relaxation, yoga healthy-mind-type-stuff is completely lost on her. The idea of any type of talking therapy ... almost impossible for her to contemplate as she won't see instant results...

Well I think she needs to have some realistic expectations and be open minded or else your lives are going to be pretty much as miserable as this condition makes it for a long time to come.

Im not very into healthy mind stuff even though Im qualified in several complementary therapies myself. I can understand reluctance, but if she won't do relaxation and she won't do talking therapy, then what is she going to do?

It's unrealistic to expect instant results anyway. If she refuses to do anything about this I would pretty much say expect things to get worse from here on in as your child is going to put extra pressures on what she can already cope with just by being a child who is going to be noisy and messy like all children are at some stage in their development.

It sounds like shes just making excuses not to get treatment. She can cope with things as they are (just) so she sees no reason to change.

lulu_92

You must have moved near where I live then. I've lived in the middle of East and West Midlands and I get called a brummie all the time. Although that might be down to my OH being a Yam

downhillfast

purpleshoes wrote: »

Well I think she needs to have some realistic expectations and be open minded or else your lives are going to be pretty much as miserable as this condition makes it for a long time to come.

Im not very into healthy mind stuff even though Im qualified in several complementary therapies myself. I can understand reluctance, but if she won't do relaxation and she won't do talking therapy, then what is she going to do?

It's unrealistic to expect instant results anyway. If she refuses to do anything about this I would pretty much say expect things to get worse from here on in as your child is going to put extra pressures on what she can already cope with just by being a child who is going to be noisy and messy like all children are at some stage in their development.

It sounds like shes just making excuses not to get treatment. She can cope with things as they are (just) so she sees no reason to change.

You're totally right about it getting potentially worse... she has said that once baby is safely here she will look into what help is available so I'll take it from there. I'm hoping that the baby will give her a whole new perspective - she has always wanted to be a mum but wasn't sure she would ever be able to have a child.

Lily-Rose_3

thorsoak wrote: »

...and she's pregnant? How is she going to be able to cope with a baby, who can scream, snuffle, puke and poo? And of course, who will cry if mum is upset?

She really does need to be addressing her condition now.

purpleshoes wrote: »

Exactly, how is she going to cope with a crying child or a child who makes mess when they eat.

Its clearly having a massive impact on her life and yours and it will also impact on the child's life as well.

The accent will be the least of your worries soon I think.

Mojisola wrote: »

She really is rude and prejudiced! Does she really think that all farmers are thick? And she's including you and your family in the 'thick' category because of an accent?

If she doesn't get help, your child is likely to need a lot of therapy in years to come - what on earth is his/her childhood going to be like with a mother who can't mix socially, bursts into tears because of the way someone eats their food and blames her nearest-and-dearest for 'doing it deliberately' to upset her?

These 3 ^^^ (And as usually purpleshoes and thorsoak are the voice of reason! :T) And Mojisola is absolutely right too!!! She IS rude and prejudiced - and her 'condition' is no excuse.

Haven't read all the thread: only the first page, but I have to say, this woman sounds an utter nightmare. Why on earth you have tolerated it for nine years, just baffles me. I couldn't be in the same room as someone like this. Sorry and all that: just I have very low tolerance for people who use a 'condition' as an excuse to be rude and obnoxious.

I wish you well OP, but have no answers, other than she needs a short shrift from you - or SOMEone!

I am not saying to write her off, or leave her, but someone needs to put their foot down with her and tell her that her behaviour needs to change. And to QUIT the excuses.

Errata

OP I think you need to chat to the GP about your wife's OCD and self diagnosed misophonia. Your child is due to be born very soon and often childbirth can worsen and even trigger psychological problems.
You've mentioned her irrationality over the way you speak; what might happen if she becomes irrational about something the baby does, or doesn't do?