OH hates my new accent...

alias*alibi

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xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I had an ex who hated the sound of cutlery on bowls/plates

I once had to eat spaghetti with my hands as the noise annoyed him so much :eek:

That reminds me of an episode of come dine with me where the host also had an aversion to cutlery on plates and laid out her table with plastic plates and cutlery and understandably came last. She also shrieked really loud when during someone else's dinner party someone drew a knife across a plate.

Lily-Rose_3

Marisco wrote: »

:rotfl:I don't get wound up but it just seems to me that every day someone comes out with some new "condition" to explain bad behaviour that folk wouldn't have put up with years ago. It takes a hell of a lot to wind me up but I just think all these acronyms/fancy names for bad behaviour is pathetic!

Agree. :T

lostinrates

Marisco wrote: »

:rotfl:I don't get wound up but it just seems to me that every day someone comes out with some new "condition" to explain bad behaviour that folk wouldn't have put up with years ago. It takes a hell of a lot to wind me up but I just think all these acronyms/fancy names for bad behaviour is pathetic!

But misophonia DOESN'T have to lead to bad behaviour. While I am misophonic I have been very clear I hope that while I might feel cross inside I would feel aghast if I behaved poorly as a result. I have attended formal functions in 'important places, ever since a child, ( as part of parent's role ) and then as an adult in my own right. I have an understanding of the importance of good manners as a courtesy to the people around me and that those things that impact me need not impact them. That does not make the misophonia any less real. It is the sort of thing you are saying that makes me feel both sad and even a little defeated when I read of other misophonics talking about 'uncontrollable' rage or 'violence' or similar terms. I'm sad tea lovers post as gone ( I think it has) as it describes the FEELING very well, but it is just a feeling in my experience and doesn't have to translate into an action unless if given allowance too.


I recognise OP feels sensitive, and so hesitate to use op's partner as example more, but I note OP mentioned the wife eats on a tray when visiting wife's family. I too find my own family harder to eat with. I suggest that this is because its easier to be annoyed by those nearer to us but also because We get more leeway. I cannot imagine asking at my in laws to eat from a tray in another room.....but I can just about imagine asking my mother. Its that leeway that doesn't help. Sometimes we don't need understanding and room, we need to 'get a grip', to pull our socks up and just suck it up. .

If conversation doesn't work for op's wife, then maybe she could be very quiet and conjugate verbs, keeping her mind busy? Or learn all the bones in the body, or review all the capital cities and make mental notes to learn any she is unsure of. Or kings and queens of England, then Britain, learning poetry that means something to her so she never needs to look it up......the brain cannot be kept busy with sorting its knowledge and areas to bolster, and then these can be plugged slowly, drawing on resources it had to work hard to find.



Edit op, my DH just reminded me another thing that helps me is I cope well in larger social gatherings often, eight, ten twelve plus around a table are often easier than four at times......lots more going on, more low level noise.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

downhillfast wrote: »

I appreciate that this thread is quite long now and you may not have read all of it but some of the things you are saying are just plain mean. My OH does try to avoid these situations to prevent any anger building up... she also tries to avoid hearing unwanted noises during meals by insisting the TV is turned up. I have also explained that it is not accents per se that trigger her - merely certain sounds that my changing accent seems to produce... it's very reassuring that you think to question the safety and wellbeing of my child incase she stamps her feet over it but believe me it really isn't neccessary.

As for a divorce lawyer? Who said we had relationship problems? We have a problem with a medical condition (which I appreciate isn't officially diagnosed but there really is no doubt in either my mind or her immediate family). It sounds like your ex the '!!!!!! gutter dweller' (and you call my wife a snob?) had a lucky escape.

I know what I said about my ex is mean. The difference is that I wouldn't have dreamed of saying it to him. Because it would have hurt his feelings.

He definitely had a lucky escape. Now he has to buy his own six pack of Tennants Extra each day with his dole money rather than steal it from my handbag whilst I was asleep. He doesn't have to try and work out the passcode for my phone at the same time, to check for evidence I was sleeping around. He doesn't have the stress of seeing that I've washed my hair before leaving the house to buy milk, as it was obviously a pretext for a quick bunk up behind the crisp aisle with a random stranger I'd met by the baskets. A very lucky escape for him indeed - he can drink himself to death without my interference or actually not wanting him to die before he's 50.



Having a condition isn't the problem. Being mean to somebody she is supposed to love (and hopefully still does) is the problem. Not calling her out on it enables her to continue and for it to worsen - which could very easily extend towards your baby. After all, kids in small doses are far less bother than one there 24/7, one that you are entirely responsible for. And you're tired and hormonal.


Will you be saying to your little one 'we've got to each these crisps before we go indoors, because mummy thinks we deliberately make noise to wind her up'? Or 'no, don't say Mom, that's too much like a voice mummy hates.'? What if she is tired one day and snaps at your child for putting on a different voice (as children do, they're great mimics) and tells them they sound stupid, rather than saying well done and silently wishing they'd find a new one soon?

My eldest stayed for a few weeks in Manchester with her father. She came back sounding like a comedy Oasis tribute. It sounded so wrong, but it was very well done and she readapted to the local accent soon enough. To my relief.



In any case, country bumpkin voices are awesome. West Country ones are my favourite - I'm very sad my OH lost his accent because his now exwife said it made him sound stupid. I've heard recordings of it - it was lovely. And when he has been down to the moors to see family, it comes back for a short time. Which is hilarious, as is my mate when he's been back in Newcastle for a couple of weeks - the bit where he is subconsciously trying to switch from Geordie pronunciation to a southern one is like watching his head melt! I wouldn't care if he kept his original accent. He's my friend because I like him - I'm not choosing my mates on the basis of their voices.



If you are going to be defensive on her behalf - even though she's obviously capable on going on the attack herself where youre concerned - I'd suggest you find out from her which accent she does like and go and have voice coaching/elocution lessons so you change to suit her preferences.

I'd rather somebody liked me for who I am and didnt make their problem my problem, personally, but if she's not willing to change and you're all content to restrict your diet, your eating habits and change your speech just to enable her to continue without getting psychological help, it's the only solution I can see working at least in the medium term.

Mupette

I agree, OP, you have spent this entire thread standing up for her behavior, where another poster (sorry MS head who has this condition has said what it is like from their perspective)

Your partner knows when to reign it in, and insulting you is not one of these times, but you do allow love to mask this insult time and time again and you both brush this to one side, you love her you don't want to see the bad side of things, we get that.

But you have come on here looking for help so it is getting to you, you are asking for help, your wife does need help but doesnt see that she does, well are you going to wait until she has ago because baby was making too much noise taking milk.

yes you've said she can deal with kids, can't we all, and then we hand them back, she will have her's 24/7

Yes again you are right until she realises this really is a big problem then she isn't going to seek help either, so you came here for a reason... show her this thread.

System

My daughters accent has changed 4 times in 32 years.

When she lived at home she had a black country accent.

When she lived 30 miles away in a rural town she adopted what I call a 'farmers' accent.

Then she moved to Taunton where her accent changed again to a Bristolian accent.

Moving to Australia for 3 years it changed again to an Australian accent.

Now she is in Africa she has no accent at all. Think Queens English and you wouldn't be far off.