OH hates my new accent...

lostinrates

downhillfast wrote: »

I totally understand what you are saying about the name thing... for us though, finding out that this condition exists has allowed us to separate it (somewhat) from some of the other OCD related issues that OH exhibits and accept that it is an absolutely genuine issue. I am, luckily, a very patient person by nature but over the last few years it has definitely got worse... so much so that I would say 90% of any arguments we have revolve around some noise I (or someone else) has made. I just want her to fully throw herself into managing it in a way that doesn't fully inhibit our life.

downhillfast wrote: »

Now, I have never had anybody question my table manners yet my OH is convinced I am a noisy eater! She will not accept that some foods cannot be eaten without the food itself making a noise eg if you break a crisp in half with your fingers it will make a cracking noise... yet she expects me to be able to 'break' one in my mouth with no 'crack' noise!!! You would not believe how long it takes to eat a packet of crisps infront of her... and then I get grief for being slow and prolonging her agony! lol

Well, crisps aren't meals!


Quite simply resolved, snacks rarely need to be eaten infront of each other, if at all :D. Its not that Courteous regardless of misophonia

I sort of half joke.....you should be perfectly able to eat crisps in your own home, but as part of a good diet it shouldn't need to be routine. If dh ate crisps daily i might find it difficult, luckily we are more meals and not so much snack people. alternatively if he ate crisps every night i might get used to it or learn that was a good time for me to shower or dust or anything.

DUKE

downhillfast - Have you considered moving to another area (seeing as you appear to pick up accents) then your accent may be more suitable for Madame?

pollypenny

lostinrates wrote: »

I am misophonic. I read what other misophonics write sometimes and get very upset both for their suffering and also for the excuses made for themselves/ their behaviour.

I have managed to get through social occasions without crying, without being rude to my spouse and people whose manners are well below normal not just normal yet noise irritating to me. I recognise my misophonia as MY issue and have developed coping techniques to manage.

Meals at our home are always taken with music playing if i am not eating alone. Vibrant discussion and debate are encouraged, so my brain is focused on things other than noise, and i try and ensure i sit some where with a good view. On the occasions it feels very difficult for me to cope because i am very stretched i don't eat with them. Sometimes i am able to sit and have a drink of water and chat loudly, other times i miss a meal, or take something quietly later. I cannot imagine sitting in tears and making other people feel bad about MY problem.

For me the issues are always harder at home than out, which does suggest an element of 'control' around them, or some thing to do with stress or relaxation or relationships. But its certainly not only that. The pitch of gas metres for example, is enough to set me on edge ( though not into fits) any where, some electrical noises etc.

I think a key difference is that at home its helpful to have some time to relax and be off guard against constant defence from noise attack.

However, there is a huge diffee nce between distaste for noise ( my misophonia is the typical biological noises, eating, breathing etc and man made noices ( equipent, road noise, beeps, buzzing, and....depressingly, electic wires / pylons in the rain:mad:, high pitched screams, teen alarms etc ) and having a go at your partner for his accent. An accent is different from pitch or timbre.

I find the more i 'pander' to my misaphonia the more irritable and unhappy it has the power to make me.

Your last paragraph resonates with me, LiR.

I have tinnitus and am determined that I will not let it rule my life, either.

OP's wife must seek help, rather than self-diagnose. There may well be therapy available as there is for tinnitus.

At the moment, she is appearing to be rude and making other people miserable, chiefly the one who cares for her the most.

downhillfast

lostinrates wrote: »

Well, crisps aren't meals!


Quite simply resolved, snacks rarely need to be eaten infront of each other, if at all :D. Its not that Courteous regardless of misophonia

I sort of half joke.....you should be perfectly able to eat crisps in your own home, but as part of a good diet it shouldn't need to be routine. If dh ate crisps daily i might find it difficult, luckily we are more meals and not so much snack people. alternatively if he ate crisps every night i might get used to it or learn that was a good time for me to shower or dust or anything.

I am aware that crisps are not a meal it was just and example of a specific food I have given to highlight certain issues - I am not a sadistic crisp eater that uses it as torture for my OH :rotfl:

So are there any treatments available that can result in the sensitivity towards the noises having a much reduced impact? Your management of your condition seems to revolve around totally distancing yourself from any triggers rather than being able to cope with them?

lostinrates wrote: »

i might get used to it or learn that was a good time for me to shower or dust or anything.

This is the problem we want to try to resolve - we can do the avoiding of situations but I think that is what's causing the introduction of new triggers??? We already have avoidence of certain people/situations/noises but what I think we would both like is for her to lose the sensitivity to them... so that we can spend more time together instead of one of us being in a different room so that I can eat one of the many banned food groups!

Georgiegirl256

downhillfast wrote: »

We have been together for nine years but we only realised she in all likeliness had this condition within the last year when her sister saw an article. We had always suspected it was either some kind of mild OCD or autism type condition - which other things she does also point towards... but wasn't anywhere near as bad then as it is now.

So because you've read an article on the condition then you've both decided that that is what she must have? The only way to know for sure is to go and see the doctor.

You say in another post that it is not as easy as just making someone go and get help, they need to acknowledge that there is/might be something wrong with them in the first place. Well, from what you've put, it does seem to read that she's aware something isn't right. So if that's the case why isn't she going to see about it?

I knew there was a lady on here with it (LIR) as I've seen her post about it before. She explains it very well. I myself am extremely sensitive to noises. I notice buzzes, whistling and hissing etc when other people can't, and the noises my DH makes when eating sometimes drives me mad enough to want to throw something at him. Some accents set my teeth on edge. But as LIR says, there's a big difference between suffering from the condition, and simply being extremely annoyed by something.

Wouldn't you both like to know for sure?

downhillfast

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

So because you've read an article on the condition then you've both decided that that is what she must have? The only way to know for sure is to go and see the doctor.

There are some very specific issues that OH has 100% and no issues mentioned that she doesn't exhibit... My very amateur understanding (correct me if I'm wrong) is that there isn't a blood/urine/toenail clipping test that will categorically tell us a diagnosis and any doctor (at GP level at least) will base any diagnosois, with a view to making a referral, on the sysmptoms we tell them ie the symtoms of misophonia.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

You say in another post that it is not as easy as just making someone go and get help, they need to acknowledge that there is/might be something wrong with them in the first place. Well, from what you've put, it does seem to read that she's aware something isn't right. So if that's the case why isn't she going to see about it?

Ive already answered this...

downhillfast wrote: »

I suspect that in the back of my partner's mind she attributes some of it to 'high standards' rather than being irrational... and it is this that is holding her back from seeking treatment.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

there's a big difference between suffering from the condition, and simply being extremely annoyed by something.

Wouldn't you both like to know for sure?

If you lived in my house you would know for sure believe me!

lostinrates

downhillfast wrote: »

I am aware that crisps are not a meal it was just and example of a specific food I have given to highlight certain issues - I am not a sadistic crisp eater that uses it as torture for my OH :rotfl:

So are there any treatments available that can result in the sensitivity towards the noises having a much reduced impact? Your management of your condition seems to revolve around totally distancing yourself from any triggers rather than being able to cope with them?

huuh? I eat socially, host things at home, eat in restaurants. I have gone through a long period ( years) of being pretty tied to the house for other reasons and did note I was allowing myself to be more prickly so stamped down on it. I was given no option to avoid to evade at boarding school, house sharing, in uni, or in many options afterwards. This week I are at a dim sum restaurant ( one of my favourite places to eat, despite very non western eating ' noises , and due to physical reasons I have not been able to go there for years. It was great! I do NOT seek to avoid just to manage.

This is the problem we want to try to resolve - we can do the avoiding of situations but I think that is what's causing the introduction of new triggers??? We already have avoidence of certain people/situations/noises but what I think we would both like is for her to lose the sensitivity to them... so that we can spend more time together instead of one of us being in a different room so that I can eat one of the many banned food groups!

Lively debate I mentioned as an excellent coping tool, Throwing passion into discussion. Thinking about other things, keeping conversation going so there are no long spells of people chewing on stuff uninterrupted if possible, and when that doesn't work thinking through long lists of things in my head, Or searching in my head for arcane information......is lua tua camel in Chinese?

downhillfast

lostinrates wrote: »

Lively debate I mentioned as an excellent coping tool, Throwing passion into discussion. Thinking about other things, keeping conversation going so there are no long spells of people chewing on stuff uninterrupted if possible, and when that doesn't work thinking through long lists of things in my head, Or searching in my head for arcane information......is lua tua camel in Chinese?

This approach will unfortunately not work for OH as a huge bugbear for her is people talking with food in their mouth whether she can see it or just suspects it's there as she didn't see them swallow!

purpleshoes_2

downhillfast wrote: »

This approach will unfortunately not work for OH as a huge bugbear for her is people talking with food in their mouth whether she can see it or just suspects it's there as she didn't see them swallow!

So how do you feel living with someone with this condition? How did the person who your wife cried because of the way they were eating at the family meal feel?

Im really sorry for the issues you are facing, but your thread as many others have on these pages before at the moment is smacking of, if there's help available my wife won't be able to deal with it because of the way she is.

She needs help and support, you need help and support and with a child soon coming, they are going to need help and support if your wife's condition goes untreated.

Put it this way, left to its own devices her condition won't get better by self treatment will it?

pollypenny

I think talking with mouths full is a bugbear for lots of people.

My ENT consultant was very sympathetic to my tinnitus and reassured me that, while it wouldn't stop, I could be helped to learn not to let it annoy me.

Check if there is anything for your wife.