Divorcing the debt and the fella.

themarsbargirl

I couldn't sleep last night either.
Hope you got some rest and sleep better tonight. Xxxx

NotNormal

themarsbargirl wrote: »

I couldn't sleep last night either.
Hope you got some rest and sleep better tonight. Xxxx

Thank you
I did end up sleeping better. Midnight until 7am. Not long got back from the job centre. Ended up getting a taxi there and back (cost just under £5 total) because silly me forgot to take my hayfever meds and inhaler when I wasn't sleeping well the last few days and with how hot and sunny it is I've been sneezing like crazy. I remembered them today though so hopefully they will only take a couple of days to get back in my system.

Still waiting for the electrician for next door, he didn't show up Monday. Yesterday he came out, said it was more than he was expecting to do so he would be back in a few hours/someone else would be out, but no one came.

And while at the job centre they offered me some work experience helping others with their universal jobmatch and stuff. Just figuring out how to use it, getting their CV on there etc. They said it might be with one of the other local job centres, they don't know for definite but it gives me something to do and helps me find out what my limits are again. I have to go back Friday to discuss it and do the paperwork.

Then I actually talked to some people while I was waiting for my taxi, which was huge for me. It was quite nice to socialise, but more so the fact I did it without any preparation or warning shows what a long way I've come.

Although just realised I got confused. Thought I get paid on Monday, but just realised I got paid this Monday. Oops. Not a big deal on the paperwork front or anything, just a bit embarrassing. Especially as I had said it to my advisor, but doubt he will say anything and if he does it's not the end of the world. Still makes me a little anxious but I can handle it. Trying to remind myself to stay calm. I have found that having a constant advisor instead of a different one each week has helped dramatically. It's still a struggle but I don't feel like I can't breath, more just a little shaky?

Cats food bowl arrived yesterday, it's perfect. I can now pick up the section I need and fill it instead of having to hurt my back by leaning down for ages or carry a full bowl and get water or food everywhere. Glad they are different sizes too, using the bigger one for water. His old bowl would be bone dry by morning, this one wasn't. I don't have an issue with keeping filling it, but it being dry in the morning was making me worried because I couldn't be sure how long it had been empty for. Had he finished it an hour ago? Was it empty within an hour of me falling asleep? Where as now that there is water left in it I know that he has been fine for water in the night. Slowly getting my feet back under me.

Quite tired again, but must keep myself awake. If I sleep now I most likely won't sleep tonight. Plus I need to keep an ear out for this electrician!

Need to check my spreadsheet and update it - purchased a cafetiere (spelling?) for £15. I don't drink coffee but my friend loves the stuff so thought it would be a lovely housewarming present. Although I did cheat a little and let her pick one out. But that was part of the gift - she's so excited about her new place and getting to decorate so this was not only a gift but was the first choice she's had a chance to make for the new place!

themarsbargirl

Sounds like you are doing really well. I'm sure your advisor is used to people getting muddled on weeks-i keep getting the days of the week muddled this week!

:T on talking to new people, that is huge progress and I am really proud of you!

The cafetiere sounds like a wonderful thing to get for your friend and I'm sure she will get many years of use out of it

Keep soldiering on my lovely
Xxxx

NotNormal

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Sounds like you are doing really well. I'm sure your advisor is used to people getting muddled on weeks-i keep getting the days of the week muddled this week!

:T on talking to new people, that is huge progress and I am really proud of you!

The cafetiere sounds like a wonderful thing to get for your friend and I'm sure she will get many years of use out of it

Keep soldiering on my lovely
Xxxx

Thank you, that means so much.

Yeah I'm sure it won't be a problem. Luckily I wasn't complaining or anything! He just said about it being pay week and I said yeah I get paid Monday. So he may have even misunderstood and thought I meant this Monday anyway (which it was) instead of next week like I had meant lol.

I'm really pleased with the new people thing. I spoke to five people socially AND when I got to the job centre I looked for my advisor and went straight to his desk to drop off my paperwork before going back to the waiting area - normally I give my paperwork to the security worker and they point out where to go. So really pleased with my progress.

I also normally crash out after I get home, but I have stayed awake. When my neighbour gets back in a couple of hours I shall go for a nice soak in the bath (don't want to risk it in case electrician shows up lol) and hopefully get an early night.

Yeah she's really excited about it. It's a gorgeous blue Bodum one which are quite sturdy and good quality apparently. It also comes with two matching little cups. She's just going to pick out some fancier coffees to go with out now and is thinking of setting up a nice little coffee bar in her living room so that at the weekend she can curl up and watch tv with a nice coffee to start her day.

She's also asked me to look at setting up a window seat - she has a huge window seat wall thing under a huge front window but it's just wall without any cushion, so she'd like to borrowing my sewing skills and get a big foamy cushion up there so she can sit and people watch when the mood takes her. Looking forward to the challenge! So she needs to pick a colour scheme and then we will look at fabrics. When she knows which one I can measure up and get a plan in place. Thinking of covering it in plain fabric or something and then make the fabric she chose into a removable cover in case she spills her coffee :rotfl:

I definitely plan to keep soldiering along. I'm feeling a little bit more positive :D

themarsbargirl

Removeable covers sound like a very good idea....

Hmmm.....that reminds me...I started sewing patchwork cushion covers for my brother's wedding present....they've been married almost a year now and I've still not finished even one of the pair:rotfl:

NotNormal

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Removeable covers sound like a very good idea....

Hmmm.....that reminds me...I started sewing patchwork cushion covers for my brother's wedding present....they've been married almost a year now and I've still not finished even one of the pair:rotfl:

Yeah I'm definitely going to go for removable covers. I just need to decide how to close them. Zipper? Poppers? Velcro?

Oh dear! Maybe you could finish the cushions as an anniversary present?

Well I've spent the weekend moving furniture around, it's been exhausting but it's worth it because I can now use my living room again AND my Dad has fitted an extra lock on each door so that I can put them on the latch in the day/evening if he is coming in and out. But then when I want to lock up, I can lock the other lock and they will be stronger/sturdier. It makes me feel safer.

Now I can look at paint and accessories....

themarsbargirl

Depends how accomplished a sewer you are, I'm going for velcro cuz It's hardest to f*ck up!

Yeah...they may get the cushions for like their 10th wedding anniversary lol

My parents find it strange that I want the door locked all the time, but that makes me feel safer

Hope today goes well for you hun

NotNormal

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Depends how accomplished a sewer you are, I'm going for velcro cuz It's hardest to f*ck up!

Yeah...they may get the cushions for like their 10th wedding anniversary lol

My parents find it strange that I want the door locked all the time, but that makes me feel safer

Hope today goes well for you hun

I'm a pretty good sewer. Funnily enough I find velcro challenging haha.

Awe bless, well it's not about how long it takes surely? It's that you put the effort in.

Right well Friday I had my interview about working at the job centre (it's unpaid and is only a four week placement, but it's something to do). Anyway I got my phone call yesterday to ask me to attend today for my induction. So I went up there today and it went brilliant. Really friendly lady!

Anyway I start Thursday, I'll be working 10am-4pm. I have every Wednesday off (that's my signing day). She's also given me Monday off as I need to go to the doctors (hopefully they can see me, if not I'll arrange an appointment. I need to ask for them to give me my details to book appointments online anyway!). I only have enough hayfever meds to last me until the end of next week. It will have to be Monday as need my friend to come with me and help me chase up a few things (still no word from mental health team or dietician!).

I'll be doing all sorts of admin things, helping jobseekers use the computers etc. I'm also in charge of creativity and planning as they want things like the job boards back etc. She wants me to be a little bit of a team leader sort of thing. I'm not bossing people about, just sort of making sure they are okay and have something to do.

Honestly it's kind of funny that I'm actually in a very similar point to where I was last year in some ways and not in others.

For example both last year and now - just moved into a new place, not working, regular doctors appointments, health isn't great, paying off debts.

But unlike last year I'm currently socialising, happy, paying off debts at a faster speed, have a very helpful budget, doing a course to organise for my career, planning to set up my own business all of this while about to start doing 24 hours a week! I've also started cutting down my cigarettes. I went 16 hours cigarette free Sunday and Monday! And a minute ago I had a thought that upset me, instead of crying or cutting or anything I said no. I got up and went and cleaned the bathroom instead! Also packed up another box of my friends stuff to go across the hall to hers (just some bathroom stuff). Now I'm going to go put the hoover round the hallway, move the cats scratching post and tidy up the living room!

themarsbargirl

Proud of you hun, will do a longer post a bit later
Xxxxxx

themarsbargirl

NotNormal wrote: »

Right well Friday I had my interview about working at the job centre (it's unpaid and is only a four week placement, but it's something to do). Anyway I got my phone call yesterday to ask me to attend today for my induction. So I went up there today and it went brilliant. Really friendly lady!

Anyway I start Thursday, I'll be working 10am-4pm. I have every Wednesday off (that's my signing day).

This is excellent! I am so pleased for you! On friday I am the warehouse supervisor for the whole afternoon at foodbank....eeek! Looking forward to it, but anxious about timings because we won't have the car and with my therapy group it means cutting it very tight,

NotNormal wrote: »

She's also given me Monday off as I need to go to the doctors (hopefully they can see me, if not I'll arrange an appointment. I need to ask for them to give me my details to book appointments online anyway!). I only have enough hayfever meds to last me until the end of next week. It will have to be Monday as need my friend to come with me and help me chase up a few things (still no word from mental health team or dietician!).

Depending on how badly you need the mental health support, I would just refuse to move until they put in an urgent referral for you (it's what I did at the beginning of March when I went into crisis) If it is just to restart your medication can your GP start you on that? Especially as you have it in your history that you were on it? I wish you the best of luck with it!

NotNormal wrote: »

Honestly it's kind of funny that I'm actually in a very similar point to where I was last year in some ways and not in others.

For example both last year and now - just moved into a new place, not working, regular doctors appointments, health isn't great, paying off debts.

But unlike last year I'm currently socialising, happy, paying off debts at a faster speed, have a very helpful budget, doing a course to organise for my career, planning to set up my own business all of this while about to start doing 24 hours a week! I've also started cutting down my cigarettes. I went 16 hours cigarette free Sunday and Monday! And a minute ago I had a thought that upset me, instead of crying or cutting or anything I said no. I got up and went and cleaned the bathroom instead! Also packed up another box of my friends stuff to go across the hall to hers (just some bathroom stuff). Now I'm going to go put the hoover round the hallway, move the cats scratching post and tidy up the living room!

I am so so proud of you for not cutting when you had that disturbing thought :T:T:T I've had my own battles with self-harm and I know just how hard it can be to resist it at times.

You are doing amazingly, like you said, compare it to last year when you were in (what sounds like) a similar place and look how brilliantly you are doing this year!

Lots and lots of safe hugs and love my sweet.

And as Churchill said (at least in Doctor Who) just keep b*ggering on