Divorcing the debt and the fella.

NotNormal

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Yeah, it makes sense. It's just unfortunate that mental health services aren't more joined up and when they made the big shift from hospital care to community care they forgot to account for the fact that often short term hospital care is appropriate for people, especially when starting meds and acutely unwell, so they got rid of all the beds without putting in adequate community care toreplace it iyswim.

How's your day been anyways?

Yeah they don't always communicate well, which means they can't plan well. It's frustrating.

I've spent the day tucked up in bed, not very well. I've been feeling sick all day. I'm not sure if I have a stomach bug or ate something that didn't agree with me or what. But it's meant I have accomplished absolutely nothing. Fun!!

I'm going to do Mondays job searches now, try and eat something and then it's time for me to sleep! I hate feeling unwell.

How has your weekend been? Jam sales going well?

themarsbargirl

Haven't sold anything in days.
I'm listless and depressed and altogether feeling pretty hopeless right now.

Sorry you're sick, I find peppermints or ginger helps x

NotNormal

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Haven't sold anything in days.
I'm listless and depressed and altogether feeling pretty hopeless right now.

Sorry you're sick, I find peppermints or ginger helps x

Yeah it's not too great. It's making me really cranky and annoyed. I managed to eat a little bit yesterday though. I'm going to try and eat a little bit in a minute too.

I have some peppermints and peppermint tea. I usually find they help. Or extra sugary herbal tea - it helps get my blood sugars back up. You should make a poorly tummy jam :P

I'm also feeling quite unmotivated at the moment. There's so much I wanted to accomplish today but it isn't looking like it will happen. On the bright side I still have a full bank account and I get paid in a week. For which the budget is already up and running, giving me no reason to stress.

I have coursework that needs doing later, but I'm really really putting it off. It's stressing me out and confusing me. Which is stupid really because part of the course involved a small segment on how to do this. May as well make the most of it being a pj day and get some coursework done...

themarsbargirl

what's tbge coursework about hun? I'll help if I can, will be back about noon

NotNormal

themarsbargirl wrote: »

what's tbge coursework about hun? I'll help if I can, will be back about noon

It's okay, it's the phrasing of the coursework I'm struggling with. I'm going to get my friend to read it tonight and explain it to me. I'm just struggling to process the information unfortunately a side effect of my various mental health issues. It's really annoying because I know I can do it, I just need to know which bits they want to know.

themarsbargirl

Yeah, I had a similar issue when they started me on Clonazepam and I had an essay due at uni... You'll get there.

Bobarella

Hi NN
Just checking in on you, go steady, you sound like you have a lot on your plate with everything going on. Hope you do manage to get through the assignment.
Bob

NotNormal

Oh wow, I really did a disappearing act didn't I? Sorry, I'll explain at the bottom of this post.

themarsbargirl wrote: »

Yeah, I had a similar issue when they started me on Clonazepam and I had an essay due at uni... You'll get there.

Well it has definitely been slow and frustrating but I'm getting a handle on it and have completed the first section of the assignment. Unfortunately I've still got a LOT more to do. But I am happy with it and even took the time to sort out the paperwork I had designed for when my business is up and running. So now it will be submitted as I would file it away if I was in business which will mean the feedback should be a bit more accurate.

Bobarella wrote: »

Hi NN
Just checking in on you, go steady, you sound like you have a lot on your plate with everything going on. Hope you do manage to get through the assignment.
Bob

A lot would be an understatement. It has just got more mental since then but I'm managing. Just. I had a moment of weakness at the weekend, cried my eyes out to my friend and asked if I would have been better of staying with my ex. Thankfully she snapped me out of it. I have accomplished so much since I left him and grown as a person. I've found who I am and each day I am reminded how strong I am. I did also give in and spent £25 on takeaway for me, Dad and my best friend on Monday but it was needed. I'll explain below.

Okay so my vanishing act!
I was very very skint. I had about £10 to my name but was due to be paid Monday. I had set my goals for the month, there wasn't a lot to update so I thought I would wait until pay day when I could really work through figures and plans.

Saturday I received a scary letter, they would no longer be paying me JSA. This was when I had the moment of weakness. My ex always paid the bills, maybe I should have stayed with him etc etc. Well thank god for best friends. After snapping me out of it she asked why the money could have stopped. So I hit google. I had been on JSA for 6 months. If it was contribution based JSA (which I never was told which I was, but I would assume so as I had had a job before moving here and claiming benefits) I would be due to switch to Income Based JSA. Okay she says, we will go to the job centre Monday and check. If it is that and you need to re apply etc how are you doing for the month.

I consult the spreadsheet (I love you spreadsheet!) I would be losing £300 a month. That's half my monthly budget. But if all I paid were my bills, didn't buy any groceries and used only the stuff I had in I could scrape it. With shrapnel left over which would quickly go out on the few bits I did need to buy like cat litter. Okay, less of a panic attack.

I decided not to come online, instead I would wait until Monday and be able to update once I spoke to them and had a clearer idea what was happening.

Monday I checked my bank, I had been paid. We spoke to the job centre, nothing on the system and to check with the advisor on Wednesday but it looked like I had switched and the money was mine.

Tuesday I had two letters. Happy letters. My reductions for an overpayment last time I was on JSA were done. My money was mine. And a second letter confirming what I would be getting now I was on Income Based JSA.

Wednesday my advisor confirmed that for me. He also confirmed I have no paperwork to do. I was exhausted and stressed, got a taxi home (I was in no mood to stalk down a hill, through lunch traffic in the heat while feeling as rough as I do) and promptly passed out. I ended up sleeping until just shy of 9pm, throwing my system out of whack. I have spent the last week or two working my butt off to be in bed and asleep by midnight and up at 7-8am every day. Even though I don't have to be, I'm trying to fix my routine. Sleeping that much meant I didn't get to bed until 8am today.

The postman woke me up at 10am. My landlord called as I was drifting back off to sleep. My online banking wouldn't work so I was very brave and called up and got it sorted. Then made a few other phone calls. My spreadsheet broke, I've just finished fixing it.

I'm trying to be normal today. Show my disabilities who is boss. So I have bought in the dry washing from the line (Dad put it out this morning. We use my washing machine as I have the biggest kitchen and between us we generate enough washing to be worth putting the machine on lol), replaced it with the wet washing from the machine, made food, cleaned up behind myself in the kitchen, got the stuff out for making dinner tonight, fed the cat done these phone calls, paid the rent and updated my budget spreadsheet. All on two hours sleep while feeling sick.

Still left to do -
Tidy my bedroom
Wash out the empty water bottles, refill and put in fridge and freezer.
Make dinner
Put on another lot of laundry
And finally, if I have the energy I need to do the ironing and tidy the living room.

Can I hide in bed instead? Lol.

Please can someone tell me things will stop piling up on me soon and I can relax? xx

themarsbargirl

It's often the way that things tend to pile up and all come at us at once. I don't know if that is a reality or a perception because when we start to feel low and overwhelmed what used to be simple things suddenly become so much bigger and more complicated.

I emphasise with where you are at, when you are mentally unwell being physically ill as well can really knock you on your a** and impact your mental symptoms as well.

I hope the bug you have passes soon and your body recovers from it swiftly.

Well done for trying to keep to a normal routine with getting up.

P.S. the DWP are horrific with letters, I can't remember if I put it on my diary but I got one saying that I wasn't entitled to anything because I'm a student (part-time, no funding), we called up to query and was told to send in evidence of my part time status, two days later I got a letter telling me my award (before they had any of the extra information) that was dated the same day :rotfl: I think most of their letters are computer generated and the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. Glad it's all sorted now xxx

Bobarella

Oh no it does all sound a bit crazy & I can see why you had the moment of weakness as well. But you have come a long way & its great your friend could remind you of that.