Divorcing the debt and the fella.

NotNormal

I don't want to write an essay of what happened, I don't want to have to remind myself while it's still raw so the short version is that my husband broke my trust and our marriage was ruined. For now we are just separated, I definitely want the divorce but I don't want to deal with it until my feet are under me. Until I feel strong enough. Until I can show him he was wrong and I am fine without him.

And as my first mark of independence I got in contact with all the agencies in charge of my debts (or the ones who were in charge at the last letter) to notify them that he is no longer dealing with the financial stuff and that I want to start organising repayments.

I've had a hard time hearing back from some, been passed from pillar to post with others... But one was no problem and as of today I made my first repayment... It's only £10 but it feels incredible! I can do this :P

DawnW

Are the debts all in your name?

NotNormal

DawnW wrote: »

Are the debts all in your name?

Yes, that's why I said my debts hon (: it's debt from before we got married but as he was controlling the money he was in charge of managing the repayments. Now I am and it's a weight off my mind. He has about five times the debt I have and his is from credit cards etc so there is interest involved. Mine was from utilities from my old place where I was struggling to pay due to literally no money for a couple of months (nan was getting my groceries out of her pension bless her!)

I know a few people have mentioned to me before that legally I could get them paid for me due to me not being paid because of people in the office being idiots but I haven't looked into it because for me this isn't so much about not having debt as it is about me getting rid of the debt myself. Does that make sense?

DawnW

Yes, it makes perfect sense for you to want to sort things out and take control. Good luck with it xx

NotNormal

Well today wasn't very money saving as I spent £80 but it was for a much needed day with a friend, we have both been feeling a bit glum about things. She also has a failed marriage and lost job to wrap her head around. We spent the weekend moving her stuff and it's made both of us a tad emotional. But I'm honestly quite pleased because £60 of that was on something I have been wanting since I left but kept talking myself out of it (because he wouldn't like it). Today we decided it was time to make a decision that isn't about what he would bleeding well like.

In more positive news, I had a response from one of my debts that was £125, I actually only still owe £65! I have just paid £10 off that and they are setting up a payment plan for £10 a month from there. Brilliant :P Means my debt is actually £2560, although after today and yesterdays payments it's £2540 :P I can do this (:

beanielou

Happy shiny new diary
You can do this.

NotNormal

Honestly! You'd think they don't want my money. Taking forever to hear back from some of the companies that were handling my debts. I'll get there in the end.

I was discussing divorce with some people I know, seeing as I am not ready yet and wanted the divorce to be as easy as possible I should wait until we have been separated for two years as then we don't have to give a reason. Just sign on the dotted line. Two years sounds like an awfully long time BUT I moved away in October. Just before Halloween. So although he moved out before that, I'm going to take it from that date as that is when contact stopped (apart from a couple of emails when some of my money was paid to his account and I had to ask him to send it to me and another when a letter for him turned up here).

This works especially well for me as I wanted to be debt free/really close to it when I divorced him. I want a full, fresh start. So here is the challenge, by October 2016 I want to have lost 70lb and made extra payments towards my debt to the total of £600.

Wish me luck!

NotNormal

What goes up, must come down. Checked my email and discovered I owe £120 to T-Mobile which I knew nothing about. So that shall have to be added to the spreadsheet. But now I don't know whether to keep the £600 challenge (the aim was to get my debt to under £500 by October 2016) and owe £615 in October 2016 or whether to up the challenge to £720 so that I reach the original target of just under £500...

Also stressing out because I forgot Monday was a bank holiday. I'm due to sign on Wednesday, but I'm moving job centres and I haven't had a chance to ring yet which means I will have to ring on Tuesday which is cutting it close. If they tell me they can't see me until the following Wednesday that will mess up my pay days!

I'm also stressed because the broadband bill in March was a couple of quid more than budgeted so it didn't go out, because I didn't check my online banking I didn't notice and stupidly spent the money. So £10 late fee got added, plus Aprils bill. Bringing it to £112.10. I paid £30 two days ago but the account still isn't showing it! Can't do anything about the rest of it until the 18th when I get my PIP. My tuition is due out on 11th. And then May's broadband bill is due at the end of the month! Need to top up the gas too. Then there is the debt repayments which is currently £30 (although that will increase when I finally hear back from other companies!) £305 approx thats going to be flying out the account this month. Luckily I have £5 in my account still, so all that can come out my PIP (£300 a month) leaving my JSA untouched.

The change in job centre will save me £10 a week for taxi's though so that can go towards the debt. Not to mention the money it will save as I won't be by the shopping centre getting tempted to buy stuff. The freezer is full, the cupboards are mostly full. So I'm setting myself a budget of £50 for groceries this month. I'll give myself a budget of £50 for entertainment - as there are two movies coming out that I want to see.

I want to throw more at debt and into savings. But I'm hoping to leave £50 in the bank this month that will still be there when June's money comes in. I used to have £200 in my bank at all times, just in case I needed it. But my brother came to stay and between meals out and days out (I used to see him weekly, now I'm lucky if I see him monthly) it started to wilt. I had only counted on him being here a week or two and he was here for a month, grocery bill shot up (he won't drink tap water, only bottled for example). So I want to try and built that £200 safety net back up. I found it really helped my anxiety, made me feel safer and in control.

NotNormal

Well today was not a NSD like I had hoped, but it couldn't massively be helped. My best friend had to go drop a phone off to her ex (he paid for it when they were together and was being a [male genitalia] about wanting it back) so I didn't feel right making her go it alone. We could get the bus for £2 but I really wasn't feeling that great so I paid out £5 for a taxi, then had to pay out another £5 coming back as we were bringing some of her things back with us. Too much to lug on the bus.

£10 spent that I hadn't planned to, but I had gone on auto pilot on Wednesday and put that money to one side for a taxi on Wednesday forgetting that I wouldn't need it - so it's not too bad.

Went to the pub for a couple of hours, Dads treat though so that didn't cost me anything.

Also my cat has some new weird habits - scratching the bath tub, sleeping in the bath tub, sleeping on the bath mat, licking the carpet, licking skin and licking denim.... I think he might be on drugs.

And because I'm staying positive I am going to post something I'm proud of about myself when I update. So todays proud thing - I have been desperate for a dog for a long time. I keep thinking about how I can afford the cat so I could afford a dog etc etc. Basically telling myself I could do it, purely because I miss having a dog (grown up with them). Well today instead I thought something different. I decided I am going to make a list this week of the doggy expenses - insurance, food etc. I'm going to calculate the total and then when I am debt free if I can keep that money set to one side each month for 3 months THEN I will look into getting a dog. That money will then be used for the one off expenses e.g. adoption fee and the rest can go into savings account

NotNormal

Must get into bed and set alarm shortly. Got a few things that need doing tomorrow.

Tidy bedroom
Rearrange bedroom
Do some baking?
Sort through boxes
Update christmas folder
This months budget/expenses
Next months rough budget/expenses
Send more emails regarding debts

I would also like to
Make a pantry and freezer list - this will help with meal planning
Meal plan
Go for a walk
Paint a couple of pieces of furniture I've been meaning to paint
Charge tablet - then go through it and back up what needs backing up and then wipe it. It's slow and full of carp I don't use.
Sort through my netbook laptop - back up what needs backing up and then wipe it. It's also slow and full of carp I don't use lol.

Bobarella

Good luck with it all. You sound like you are on tip of things with a clear plan. Hope events help you get there sooner than planned.