Arrangements for Children - Help please!

Sinhanada

Gigglepig wrote: »

Are you saying you have access to see your son on Sunday mornings but go to church instead? As a parent I find it very hard to understand why seeing him would not be your first priority.

No I don't. I have been to church on a Sunday when he has been ill, but I thought asking for an afternoon so I could attend would be a reasonable request. At this point in time I will do everything I can to be with him when I can

Sinhanada

Jagraf - I have a Sunday morning between 9:30 - 13:30 or until he's tired. He's not allowed to sleep at mine even though he has his own room and cot. Right now he gets tired about 11:00/30 so I get up to two hours if I'm lucky before i have to take him back

Sinhanada

fivetide wrote: »

That is how I read it too I'm afraid.


I know the adoption process is a long one and looks heavily into the stability of the relationship. I do wonder OP, if you have had problems for a long time, why you went through with the adoption and/or how you and your wife sat and told social workers what a great relationship and home you could provide when that clearly wasn't the case.


But, I do understand the issues of needing to be out of a place where arguments are happening and your daughter is feeling marginalised. To that end, splitting up seems the right idea. I'm just sorry for the wee boy who was meant to be placed with a loving family and through no fault of his own, now finds himself in the middle of a battle.

Thank you Fivetide. I guess at the time we both thought things were fixable and that the issues we had were stress related due to the adoption process which I admin did take a lot. In hindsight I should have been more forthright with the social workers as should our friends and family. I also thought that we would both be adult enough not to have such a big drama over access. One thing I do want to do is to be part of his life and that he knows he has two parents who do love him. I have no doubt that my wife loves him either. He was such a poorly little baby with a bad start and we both fell in love with him immediately and I still believe we can give him a future to be proud of if we can just step back and look at the bigger picture (And I have to include myself in this too - thank you to some wonderful advice from people on here)

Guest101

Sinhanada wrote: »

Jagraf - I have a Sunday morning between 9:30 - 13:30 or until he's tired. He's not allowed to sleep at mine even though he has his own room and cot. Right now he gets tired about 11:00/30 so I get up to two hours if I'm lucky before i have to take him back

Just an observation. There's absolutely nothing stopping you picking up your child and taking him to yours.

Theres no court order preventing this.

Take legal, physical custody. and go back to your home.

Have a solicitor on speed dial if the police turn up and dont know the situation.

Job done.

duchy

Guest101 wrote: »

Just an observation. There's absolutely nothing stopping you picking up your child and taking him to yours.

Theres no court order preventing this.

Take legal, physical custody. and go back to your home.

Have a solicitor on speed dial if the police turn up and dont know the situation.

Job done.

Of course the mother also has an equal right to turn up and take the child *back*

I don't think yours is the wisest of advice at this point

OP
From a practical point of view many churches have morning and evening services. You could see your son in the morning and go to church in the evening.

tea_lover

Sinhanada wrote: »

Thank you Fivetide. I guess at the time we both thought things were fixable and that the issues we had were stress related due to the adoption process which I admin did take a lot.

This struck a chord with me. I had a similar-ish situation - went through a second round of IVF when really our relationship was on its last legs. In hindsight maybe it wasn't the best idea, but you can only go on how things are at the time. Fertility treatment (and adoption, I'm sure) can put a huge stress on a couple - it's easy to assume that all the issues and problems will be solved once you can just get past that. Some relationships will bounce back stronger, some won't survive - but I can easily see how people could carry on with an already started adoption process with a less than perfect relationship.

Guest101

duchy wrote: »

Of course the mother also has an equal right to turn up and take the child *back*

I don't think yours is the wisest of advice at this point

Not quite. She couldnt force entry to his property. So she wouldnt be able to get physical, legal custody.

Mostly i was making a point to the OP that actually he does have rights.

I wasnt necessarily saying he should do this, just that he can.

Sinhanada

Thanks Guest - I understand perfectly what you mean, but my fear is that if I do that then the next time I want to gain access it will make things much harder. Right now I'm doing everything I can not to antagonise the situation any further. This means I'll look into the evening church services, have my two to three hours a week and hopefully the mediation will begin soon. I think my hopes are on that working as I do not want the drama of a court for the little man - or my daughter who will unfortunately feel caught in the middle

Guest101

Sinhanada wrote: »

Thanks Guest - I understand perfectly what you mean, but my fear is that if I do that then the next time I want to gain access it will make things much harder. Right now I'm doing everything I can not to antagonise the situation any further. This means I'll look into the evening church services, have my two to three hours a week and hopefully the mediation will begin soon. I think my hopes are on that working as I do not want the drama of a court for the little man - or my daughter who will unfortunately feel caught in the middle

Mediation is annoying - i waited 5 weeks (and feel lucky compared to your 8!)

Thankfully once we got there we managed to sort stuff very reasonably.

There's a good chance that she'll be paying for mediation (it was £60 inital appointment and £110 for the session around here) and court can cost alot more than that! for both parties.

Estimates we got was upto £3,000 each if we really butt heads.

But mediation is about the two of you talking. the mediator will only help to keep things running smooth, not make suggestions.

duchy

The older he gets the less he will need his lunchtime nap so won't "get tired". Mine dropped naps around the time they turned two -