Arrangements for Children - Help please!

Sinhanada

Thank you FBaby, TBagpus and Duchy - I can see exactly what you are meaning and hopefully the wife responds to the mediation request. I do want to add I have never threatened removing maintenance and I never would. My son will always have what he needs as will my daughter.

Purpleshoes, I completely agree that people jump in at the deep end and try to belittle a poster rather than answering the question. In hindsight I would not have asked on here...for now though I am glad I have as it has shown me a different perspective to the one I was harbouring yesterday

toniq

Can I just interject, I have children 3 to 20, I ask no-one takes a shower after toddler settles as it is right opposite her bedroom and the noise and messing about wakes her.

None of my brood have an issue with it, they fully understand and shower earlier.

That type of scenario might be more common than you think espec when trying to get a little one into a routine.

Good luck x

silvercar

toniq wrote: »

Can I just interject, I have children 3 to 20, I ask no-one takes a shower after toddler settles as it is right opposite her bedroom and the noise and messing about wakes her.

None of my brood have an issue with it, they fully understand and shower earlier.

That type of scenario might be more common than you think espec when trying to get a little one into a routine.

Good luck x

There is a bit of a difference between showering and changing into pyjamas.

Sinhanada

Thanks Toniq. My daughter is 15, the toddler will be two soon. This was shower and change into pyjama's by six PM so we could get him ready for his bedtime at 7. The shower noise didn't bother him at all but my wife wanted everything ready and settled. I think at the end of this we both had completely different ideals on what we wanted out of life and each other. I am sad that it has ended but I'm much happier now (Apart from access, but I shall persevere and hopefully we will be able to resolve it!) as is my daughter.

toniq

Sometimes it takes one to admit maybe they could have given the other a bit of slack, I know when my toddler was born, I was so immersed in her that everything else too a back seat, I waited 6 years to have my ivf baby, maybe with the adoption your wife might have felt similar, locking herself in her little bubble trying to build the perfect life for your little one.

My partner has admitted he felt a spare part at times but understood, I have since made a conscious decision to make sure I don't let him feel like that again.

Really hope you can repair what was your happy home, if not you can both rebuild your lives without too much damage to all involved.

FBaby

Sinhanada, I had so many moments when I felt overwhelmed by frustration and anger at finding myself once again compromising and going along with my ex demands, despite the fact that I knew for a fact that he was being unreasonable, but in the end, I knew that the alternative, ie. fighting him on to gain justice for me would only mess up my kids. So I swallowed my feelings, shouted at the walls when no-one was around, wiped my tears and reminded that it was all for my kids who I adore more than anything.

They are now lovely healthy and happy teenagers and I can look back knowing I did the right thing. I would do it all again for the feeling that I know I have been a good mum and that they are ready to take a step into adulthood having had a good childhood. It doesn't matter any longer that their dad wouldn't have have them overnight week-ends because he wanted to go out and not having to be up at 5am. It doesn't matter any longer that he insisted he had then when it suited him at Christmas, it doesn't matter than he would only have them during the holidays for a total of 4 days leaving me paying for all the childcare with no maintenance coming from him.

I know it is hard to see it from a larger scale when you are stuck in the frustration and feeling that you have no control but one day your child will show one way or the other his appreciation that you put his well-being before what are your rights as a father.

Guest101

And of course the childrs(ens) rights (yes he/she/they too have them) to have both parents in his/her/their lives.

Gigglepig

Sinhanada wrote: »

I have started going back to Church on Sunday mornings which is something I did before I met my wife. This is the time that I am granted for seeing my Son. I am sorry if you feel that this is unreasonable behaviour by me.
.

Are you saying you have access to see your son on Sunday mornings but go to church instead? As a parent I find it very hard to understand why seeing him would not be your first priority.

fivetide

Gigglepig wrote: »

Are you saying you have access to see your son on Sunday mornings but go to church instead? As a parent I find it very hard to understand why seeing him would not be your first priority.

That is how I read it too I'm afraid.


I know the adoption process is a long one and looks heavily into the stability of the relationship. I do wonder OP, if you have had problems for a long time, why you went through with the adoption and/or how you and your wife sat and told social workers what a great relationship and home you could provide when that clearly wasn't the case.


But, I do understand the issues of needing to be out of a place where arguments are happening and your daughter is feeling marginalised. To that end, splitting up seems the right idea. I'm just sorry for the wee boy who was meant to be placed with a loving family and through no fault of his own, now finds himself in the middle of a battle.

Jagraf

How is she stopping you seeing your child? Is she saying you can't? (Sorry if I've missed that bit).