partners with kids

candylady89

whoever mentioned disparity . .. That! And Mr right-now... possibly !
I need to sort this .

sammyjammy

candylady89 wrote: »

Happy Sunday all
I'll keep this short

Im 25 and doing decent for myself (career, new flat-owner). I met my current partner on tinder last august: he's just turned 29. The issue im having difficulty dealing with is that he has 2 kids. Theyr 5 and 3. He has them fortnightly for the weekend and pays child support, hes a great dad. I havent met them and tbh have no inclination to!
My fairytale didnt include this. I know I sound spoilt and selfish I definitely want kids , my own.

Anyoneelse ever felt the same??

Also, I earn a fair bit more than him (approx 13k) he has no savings, is about to submit a DRO, and does unqualified warehouse type jobs only .

Thoughts please;)

I just feel like this is all abit of a drag on me tbh not convinced im cut out for this

Well you sound just charming. I suggest you walk away and let the poor man get on with his life.

cashewnut

^She's perfectly fine and shouldn't feel bad for feeling like this. But yes, she should let him go sooner rather than later.

I wouldn't have got seriously involved with someone who had children - it's personal preference!

duchy

At twenty five I wouldn't have dated a man with children . I was still in my carefree phase - I wanted a partner who was free to be spontaneous -when I was older I wanted a partner who'd already had the carefree years and was ready to settle down or in other words was at the same stage I was. What I find odd is it has taken the OP eight months to work this out

DKLS

sammyjammy wrote: »

Well you sound just charming. I suggest you walk away and let the poor man get on with his life.

What is the Op supposed to do? don some rose tinted specs and loudly announce that love will conquer all.

Like it or not this man comes with some hefty baggage that impacts the OP.

SuzieSue

duchy wrote: »

At twenty five I wouldn't have dated a man with children . I was still in my carefree phase - I wanted a partner who was free to be spontaneous -when I was older I wanted a partner who'd already had the carefree years and was ready to settle down or in other words was at the same stage I was. What I find odd is it has taken the OP eight months to work this out

This is the exact issue. The OP is too young. I would never have considered someone with so much baggage at 25, but I did at 40 and have been with him for 10 years and don't regret it at all. The difference is that his 3 kids were all over 16 and he only had to pay maintenance for a couple of years and was then able to sort out the financial problems caused by his divorce.

Rebel_Cause

AmyTurtle wrote: »

The fact you say 'current partner' and not just partner suggests to me you don't see this as long term so I'd run as fast as you can if I were you!

I agree, I never refer to my OH as a current partner, it sounds as though he will do for the time being. But then I could see someone correcting me saying, that it is the partner they are dating at the present time.

PlymouthMaid

I don't think you are spoiled and selfish but he not your partner - he is your boyfriend at the moment but unlikely to be your 'happy ever after guy 'so the sooner you finish this the better unless neither of you are wanting to plan a future at this point. His children are very young indeed so you cannot expect a long term relationship with him without including them too and it wouldn't be fair on any of you for this to a be half hearted and resentful relationship.

clearingout

why are you with a man with children if you have no desire to step parent? I mean, I get very few people have an actual desire to be a step parent but most people accept it if they meet someone they want to pursue a relationship with who has children. You know you don't want it yet you're still hanging on?

Are you hoping in some kind of enormous romantic gesture he will give up seeing his children for you?

Jagraf

No aimed at OP, and not related necessarily to partners with kids, but when people need perfection with relationships I can see why so many go wrong.

Relationships change all the time, as do circumstances. I have found myself with a lot of responsibility for my MIL which I didn't have when I met my OH. People lose their jobs, have accidents, find themselves with responsibility all the time. There needs to be a degree of flexibility.

I have a friend, mid forties, who has been in and out of short term relationships all of her life. She meets some really lovely men but finds them "too nice", "too clingy", "too serious", "not serious enough". She finished with the last one because he spent too long looking after his ageing father.

I think the crux here is if you really love someone, you cope with their circumstances. If you don't, you will find reasons to not be happy.

And after reading this, I realise what a saint my OH is for taking on my 'baggage'. My child isn't just with us at weekends, she's with us for life.