partners with kids

maman

I think that maybe this relationship has just drifted on and become 8 months so I think you're right to think whether it's going anywhere.


I think it rather depends why he's in a low paid warehouse job. My ex was in a reasonably paid job having taken basic qualifications but he had absolutely no ambition, not prepared to work harder to move up the ladder. All he wanted was to pick up his pay and then have loads of free time to himself. I found that incredibly frustrating but also he was very unsupportive of me, couldn't understand why I'd work late without being paid for it or was prepared to study for better qualifications in my own time.


No surprise, he's my ex;).


I think you'd have to be absolutely blinded by love to take on 2 children and financial problems when you could be living a fairly carefree life. You're obviously thinking about it. I'd let your head rule.

Indie_Kid

Are there any positives to this relationship? I gt the impression there isn't.

Seanymph

I don't think you sound spoilt and selfish - I think you sound self aware and balanced.

He may not be looking for anyone to play happy families with, and be quite happy with every other weekend.

The only issue will be if you want to share a house - how will that work? Will you go to friends every other weekend? Go to a hotel? I know people have, it has worked like that. I personally wouldn't want it, but if step mumming isn't for you, then only you can choose.

But it's hard, thankless, and can go terribly wrong involving yourself with other people's children, so personally I think you are right to be honest about your tolerances over this.

System

I think if the kids are an issue, then you need to take a step back and think whether that's likely to change or if it's definetly how you feel. If it's a deal breaker as nice a guy as he probably is and as good a dad as he is, he's probably not the right person for you.

Personally I wouldn't choose to date soneone with children, I'm aware you can't always help who you fall for but when I was oblong dating I made a point of excluding those with children. I'm not saying I hate kids or anything, but growing up as a kid I've been through various divorces and step parents and whilst some worked out others have done lasting damage and I don't think I could take on that responsibility.

Gavin83

Personally I wouldn't date a woman with kids, it's a deal breaker for me so I can appreciate your view. However you need to be honest with him and let him find someone who is happy to take him and his children on. That person isn't you.

Jagraf

Sometimes we miss out on the person we really love because we don't accept what they come with. What they come with may be too much to handle, but be sure to think carefully.

None of us know what's round the corner. All of our circumstances and situations change, you just have the benefit of knowing this one in advance.

Perfection is rarely possible.

warmhands.coldheart

Jagraf wrote: »

...Perfection is rarely possible.

I'd disagree, just ask my wife :rotfl:

harrys_nan

I don't just think that he is the wrong man for you, I know he is, just as your the wrong person for him. I think you both need to go your separate ways and for him to find someone who will love him, warts and all and for you to meet someone who perhaps could give you want you want.
This is just not going to work, his wage and his kids will always come between you both and I hope for their sakes he put them first.

harrys_nan

sacha28 wrote: »

Now this is an odd one. When I first read your OP I thought you sounded pretty awful, materialistic and you came across as if you looked down on him. BUT it got me thinking about my situation......

I.

I went against everything that I believed, because I love him and wanted my life to be shared with him.

As an aside, although you are only mid-twenties, you are getting to an age where it will become increasingly difficult to find a man that doesn't have some kind of baggage. I don't know many mid-twenties people that don't have at least one or the other....kids or financial issues of some sort. In the most part I would say that they go hand-in-hand with growing up.

This worked for you because you loved him, which I don't think the op does and I am really glad for you and your hubby xx

AmyTurtle

I spent 7 years with a man who had a child from a previous relationship and would never do it again. Even when they don't live with you it takes over your life - always got kids at weekends, having to consider the opinions of his ex-gf on decisions about housing etc., was not an experience I wish to repeat.

Also the financial disparity sounds like a recipe for disaster - are you sure he hasn't latched on to you as a bit of a meal ticket??

The fact you say 'current partner' and not just partner suggests to me you don't see this as long term so I'd run as fast as you can if I were you!