partners with kids

ognum

I want to put a different perspective. He may not be the perfect man but you know they seldom are!

Most relationships come with compromise, OP what are the things he would say about you? Maybe maybe you are lovely but a little self centred, want things perfect don't appreciate he had a life before you.

You have come this far down the road so there must be some good things about him. Sit and talk to him about what your thoughts are.

marisco_2

Life isn't a fairytale. In every relationship you have there will be things to compromise around. You cant do that where children are concerned though. I think you know that if this guy were aware of how you feel, about the two people who are and always will be his number one priority, then he would call things off between you quickly. Treat him decently and be honest with him before his feelings for you deepen any further.

theend?

If your both happy to leave it as a casual thing then I don't see a problem but you clearly don't want a relationship with children that arent your own, and to be honest at twenty five I don't think that's a bad thing.
If thats the case and you want a relationship rather than just fun dating I would be honest with him and just move on.
Ive two children myself and I would rather someone was honest with me than just keep something going they were uncomfortable with, as far as I'm concerned and I imagine he will feel the same the kids would always come first especially at such a young age.

DKLS

This guy comes with way too much baggage, OP bin him off, whilst he does sound like decent guy, I can't see this working long term especially as you will have to play second fiddle to his kids. (which is only right but hardly fair for you), get out before you have to spend any money on them.

peachyprice

You're allowed to be spoilt and selfish, it's your life, you should do what makes you happy. BUT, being spoilt and selfish means being honest with your boyfriend. He has 2 children, you don't like or want 2 children. It's time to admit that to him and walk away.

Stevie_Palimo

Wow am I reading this and seeing such vain comments being posted, If a person likes another person then surely that is the most important thing and as for baggage, debts and a low income well all I can say is that you do not like him obviously as if you did the questions you are asking would not have came to your mind.

ognum

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

Wow am I reading this and seeing such vain comments being posted, If a person likes another person then surely that is the most important thing and as for baggage, debts and a low income well all I can say is that you do not like him obviously as if you did the questions you are asking would not have came to your mind.

If the OP was a man and his partner came with two children and low income would people suggest he dump her for her baggage?

tattycath

When I met my husband he had kids, was in a job with average pay, was behind on his mortgage and other bills...he had baggage, as do we all.
We got together, we sat down and discussed his finances and he took my advice. (My financial position was not great at that time).
I moved in, we pooled our limited resources, sorted stuff out, cutting our coats according to our cloth.
We have now been married 5 years. He has a better job and he loves it. I also have a better job that I love. We couldn't be happier.
So just because your man is in the position he is in now, does not mean he will always be in that position. He will always have his children, but for people to say he situation is unlikely to improve...is something no one knows at is point.
That said, if him having children is a deal breaker, move on and let him find someone who loves him for him and accepts he is part of a package.

quidsy

TBH, this will probably be a bone of contention during the whole relationship & if you do have kids with him you will resent the fact that he has to pay towards their keep & probably wont have enough left over to pay the same to your own, putting the pressure & financial responsibility on you.


At your age I refused to date anyone with kids as I knew that I would not be happy seeing my own go without to support his others. That's me, I knew this about myself, I was 25 when I met OH & saw no reason to put myself & my future offspring behind any future husbands "first" kids.


I would feel differently now at 40 & with kids if I was to find myself single again as my dating pool has changed & so have I but at your age I would never have sold my future short.

Cuilean

You're so young at 25, and it sounds like you're getting yourself onto a pretty stable road to the future. Well done for sorting your own place to live and getting yourself into a good career. You've got high aspirations for your life, and don't let anyone take that away from you.

It just sounds like this man is not on the same road as you. He may be the nicest chap in the world, but it does sound like he doesn't really share your ideals for the future. You're going places in your life at the moment and looking for an equal person to share with, while he's got a lot of sorting out to do where he is. Do you think he'll be able to catch you up on your journey?

Perhaps he's more of a "Mr Right Now", instead of Mr Right...