partners with kids

candylady89

Happy Sunday all
I'll keep this short

Im 25 and doing decent for myself (career, new flat-owner). I met my current partner on tinder last august: he's just turned 29. The issue im having difficulty dealing with is that he has 2 kids. Theyr 5 and 3. He has them fortnightly for the weekend and pays child support, hes a great dad. I havent met them and tbh have no inclination to!
My fairytale didnt include this. I know I sound spoilt and selfish I definitely want kids , my own.

Anyoneelse ever felt the same??

Also, I earn a fair bit more than him (approx 13k) he has no savings, is about to submit a DRO, and does unqualified warehouse type jobs only .

Thoughts please;)

I just feel like this is all abit of a drag on me tbh not convinced im cut out for this

SeduLOUs

He comes with 2 kids. If you're not OK with that and don't want to be involved with them in the long run then you aren't suited to be a couple.

Your post reads a bit like you think he is a waste of space to be honest. If that's true you're allowed to have that opinion, but the relationship is going nowhere.

duchy

It sounds like you want a bloke with no other obligations to distract him from you -who earns at least as much as you and has higher aspirations careerwise then he does.

You call him your partner - but he isn't is he- He's just a boyfriend .

I'd cut him loose so he can find someone who doesn't look down on him and who has an interest in the two most important people in his life .

Nothing wrong with believing in fairytales and not wanting a man who already has children - but it also isn't fair to waste his time when you aren't even reading the same book let alone on the same page.

If you genuinely loved him - none of the rest would matter- but it clearly does matter to you - so it's better for both of you to move on and find someone more suitable.

Of course if you just want a friend with benefits and he does too then be honest and admit that is all it is - and if it suits you both for now continue but don't call him your partner as he clearly isn't.

j.e.j.

candylady89 wrote: »

Happy Sunday all
I'll keep this short

Im 25 and doing decent for myself (career, new flat-owner). I met my current partner on tinder last august: he's just turned 29. The issue im having difficulty dealing with is that he has 2 kids. Theyr 5 and 3. He has them fortnightly for the weekend and pays child support, hes a great dad. I havent met them and tbh have no inclination to!
My fairytale didnt include this. I know I sound spoilt and selfish I definitely want kids , my own.

Anyoneelse ever felt the same??

Also, I earn a fair bit more than him (approx 13k) he has no savings, is about to submit a DRO, and does unqualified warehouse type jobs only .

Thoughts please;)

I just feel like this is all abit of a drag on me tbh not convinced im cut out for this

Did you know at the start that he had 2 kids?

Either way it sounds like alarm bells are ringing in your head, perhaps understandably so.

He might eventually get himself a better job and some savings, but he'll always have his kids, which he'll have to support in addition to any of your possible future children.

BitterAndTwisted

If he's a low-earner with two kids to support then he'll never be able to contribute equally if you decide to live together. If he's about to apply for a DRO, he'll likely not have two ha'pennies to rub together. For a VERY LONG TIME.

Do you want an equal partner or someone you'll likely have to subsidise?

As an aside: how do you know that he's a great Dad if you've never set eyes on his kids?

I think this is one relationship where I'd be keeping him at arm's length for fear of becoming emboiled in his financial situation, if I was prepared to continue with it at all.

74jax

He had two kids who will be around for the remainder of your relationship. If you can't deal with it now, then maybe call it quits now before you get in too deep.

There's no way I could have taken on someone's kids, yet my hubby did with my daughter. Some people can, some can't. It's not wrong either way, just do what you feel is right.

dirty_magic

I don't think it's selfish, but I do think it's destined to fail. If you're not interested in his kids then let him find someone who is ok with it. They're a big part of his life and it's not fair on him or them if you don't want to accept them. If you did have kids of your own they would be half siblings!

double_mummy

im in the reverse i have my 2 kids all the time and they go to their dads most weekends

im 1 year older than you

the first thing i tell a guy is that im a mum and quite a lot walk away at that point

you either accept that he comes with these kids as a package or you dont take this relationship any further

Rebecca01

He is just obviously not the right guy for you.

Kids , poor, low level job ;none of that would matter if you truly liked him.


Nobody is perfect either. It's just some things you deal with for some and not for others.

I have been in a relationship with a guy with kids but am now the single Mother. I can see it from both sides. Luckily I have met a great guy who understands.

flora48

You don't mention love. Given all you don't like, the kids, DRO, low wages, his type of job and the fact it is already a drag, this is a recipe for disaster. Walk now!

19lottie82

Rebecca01 wrote: »

Kids , poor, low level job ;none of that would matter if you truly liked him.

this...... sorry.

When i met my now DH, 5 years ago, i was a bit of a party girl and he was separated from an alcoholic ex wife had his 2 kids FT and was living at his Mums. This didn't matter a jot to me as I was crazy about him.