Very mixed up, advice needed

theoretica

Mrs_Muckle wrote: »

He was looking at engagement rings last night!

This brings to mind another option for you both - a long term engagement.

Buzzybee90

I understand believing strongly in marriage etc, like Catkin, but it's a little less understandable after 3 divorces.

I do think you're equating marriage to full security even though you know from experience it's not.

It's about the person, you need to feel secure with the person, not the marital status.

FBaby

To be fair, it is up to both of you if you want to get married after knowing each other less than 12 months and on the rebound. I agree with you MrsMuckle, you are not teenagers, so you should both know the risk of getting married so quickly, ie. the chances of a divorce are much higher. If neither of you has more to lose from marriage than you would if not married (assets etc...), and it means so much that you should be able to call each other husband and wife, then go for it.

Just don't be totally shocked if your lovely boyfriend was to turn into a terrible man in a few years down the line because as I've said before, you rarely know someone properly when you've only been with them a few months and you are still in the honeymoon period.

splishsplash

Mrs_Muckle wrote: »

Just because you think the same meer53, it is one thing to say our behaviour maybe in your opinion immature but to say we act as teenagers is offensive.

The majority of people have been helpful and even if I have found something difficult to read I have tried to be objective. But I found this offensive.

Btw we are 51 and 58, I am the younger one.

Mrs_Muckle wrote: »

Hi guys,

Maybe someone has some insight for me. My situation is:

I have been married and divorced 3 times. I have been living with a new partner coming up a year and I have always said that I do not wish to just co habit for ever and that marriage is what I want. My new partner agreed that we would marry, although always says in discussion with others that he would not marry again, he was married for 18 years, 22 years ago. Neither of us are in the first flush of youth.

I hate to be referred to as partner and hate referring to him as same. I belong to a generation where marriage equals respectability. I have had marriages lasting 18 to 8 years so not flash in the pan

The problem is there is no compromise. You cannot be half married or married alternate days. I have told him I will move out and he says he does not want this and he will be upset I feel my heart is breaking.

My story is long and painful so no room or appropriate here.

Any advice, majorly confused.

Mrs M

Are you serious??:eek:

I'm 51. I don't know what generation you're part of, but my generation certainly believes no such thing.

I'm actually genuinely gobsmacked.

And feeling much older than i did 5 minutes ago.

meer53

splishsplash wrote: »

Are you serious??:eek:

I'm 51. I don't know what generation you're part of, but my generation certainly believes no such thing.

I'm actually genuinely gobsmacked.

And feeling much older than i did 5 minutes ago.

Me too ! I'm older than the OP too !

Mrs_Muckle

Well none of my friends lived long term before marriage so they are my benchmark for marriage against living together! They are my generation.

Mojisola

Mrs_Muckle wrote: »

Well none of my friends lived long term before marriage so they are my benchmark for marriage against living together! They are my generation.

They are your peer group but only a small part of your generation.

I think their views are not the same as the majority of your generation.

Not that it matters - you live your life according to what you think is right - but let it be what you think is right, not what you think other people will think of your choices.

If the evidence of three failed marriages hasn't made you reassess your beliefs, you will carry on making the same mistakes.

meer53

Mrs_Muckle wrote: »

Well none of my friends lived long term before marriage so they are my benchmark for marriage against living together! They are my generation.

But you can't measure your life against other peoples. You should do what you think is right for you. As you've had 3 failed marriages, maybe it's time for a change ? There really is no need for marriage these days.

Mojisola

meer53 wrote: »

There really is no need for marriage these days.

But if you are going to stay in a long term relationship, there are legal matters to sort out if you aren't going to get married.

meer53

Mojisola wrote: »

But if you are going to stay in a long term relationship, there are legal matters to sort out if you aren't going to get married.

Exactly. Marriage is just another legal contract. I know that sounds cold but i learned a lot about myself from my marriage breaking down.

Look after number one.