Very mixed up, advice needed

purpleshoes_2

The thing is, the ops views on marriage haven't stopped her living with the man for the best part of a year. If she was so opposed to living with someone she wouldn't be living with him at all.

A wedding ring will not stop someone leaving if the marriage is failing.

I don't think I'll ever get married and I'm 12 years younger than the ops partner. I can totally understand why someone at the age of 58 in a very new relationship would be in no rush to want to get married.

Pollycat

Marisco wrote: »

I must say I cannot think of any couples my age who lived together, but I was from a small "buttoned down" place, so maybe the "wicked city ways" didn't apply

I wasn't from a big city, more a small village about 8 miles from a town but my best friend went off with her boyfriend to work at the coast when she was 18.
They were together for a number of years but never married.

I worked with a few people who lived together but weren't married, that was in the early to mid 1970s. I guess the OP would have been around 10 years old then so maybe her sense of respectability coming from marriage stems from either a more rural upbringing or a more strict family.

I may have missed it, Marisco - have you said how old you are?

Marisco

Pollycat wrote: »

I wasn't from a big city, more a small village about 8 miles from a town but my best friend went off with her boyfriend to work at the coast when she was 18.
They were together for a number of years but never married.

I worked with a few people who lived together but weren't married, that was in the early to mid 1970s. I guess the OP would have been around 10 years old then so maybe her sense of respectability coming from marriage stems from either a more rural upbringing or a more strict family.

I may have missed it, Marisco - have you said how old you are?

I'm 65. So I was a teenager all through the 60's when this "free love" was kicking about. Not much about in my little town though, not unless you wanted to be known as the "town bike" Most of my friends (including myself) got married within a year or two of each other (69/70)

Pollycat

I think the 4 years difference between us around that time may make a lot of difference.

My cousin was 10 years older than me and when she got married aged 20, she left work and became a housewife, then eventually a Mum.
That was pretty standard.
She never worked again, even after her kids went to school or left home.

When I started work at 17 in 1970, people got married or set up house together and the woman still worked until she had a baby.
In quite a few cases, the Mum went back to work.

I still don't quite 'get' the OP's attitude to marriage & respectability.
But I doubt I'll lose sleep over it.

duchy

I'm of an age with the OP and as late teens you didn't move in together until you were engaged -and planning the wedding. I have friends who bought a house together- the man moved in but the girl technically still lived at home until after the wedding (eg might stay over at weekends but not permanently).

Those same people however if widowed or divorced tended to live with their subsequent partners before remarrying .

I do remember when I was about nineteen my Mum telling me that our rather staid neighbours had sent their fifteen year old son down to the local library to check the electoral roll to see if the new neighbours on the other side were married or not. As they weren't they stopped speaking to them !! My Mum and I were quite shocked by this so by then (late 70s) there was an acceptance that second time around couples would live together first although it was still considered preferable to be married.

Brighton_belle

Interesting, I'm of a similar age to the OP and I would say I came from an age where getting married at 16 (which the OP did 1st time round) would have been a complete shocker and been seen as a bit odd.
So it goes to show, that cultural norms do vary.

Mrs_Muckle

My family were in the RAF and therefore no one was just living together and a lot of marriages were young. My sister got married 2 years later than me and she too was 16. She has also been married 3 times! Only divorced 2 times though.

duchy

I suppose that makes sense as likely spouses would also be forces and the issue of married quarters comes into the mix.