Very mixed up, advice needed

prowla

I'm 'ennery the 8th I am, 'ennery the 8th I am I am...

stir_crazy

You have been together less than a year. This is still the "honeymoon" stage where you should be enjoying each other's company and not worrying about getting down the aisle as fast as possible. Why does it have to be such a rush? Why do you even *have* to be married at all?

meer53

If you really love each other, there is no need for marriage.

OP, you will push your partner away by insisting on a wedding.

Rambosmum

Gosh, you've been through the ringer!

It seems to me that you are looking for emotional security, which can't be gained from another person. By rushing from one serious relationship to another you run the risk of making the same mistakes again. You need to take time to look after your own mental wellbeing and get used to being emotionally financially independent.

With divorces so eady to come by these days there is certainly no status in marriage.

Pollycat

Rambosmum wrote: »

Gosh, you've been through the ringer!

It seems to me that you are looking for emotional security, which can't be gained from another person. By rushing from one serious relationship to another you run the risk of making the same mistakes again. You need to take time to look after your own mental wellbeing and get used to being emotionally financially independent.

With divorces so eady to come by these days there is certainly no status in marriage.

Absolutely agree!

Being married doesn't guarantee you that your OH won't cheat on you or run off with your best friend or drink or gamble or do drugs behind your back.

OP - what exactly are you looking for in marriage to your partner?
What will you gain by having a 'bit-of-a-do' and a piece of paper?

duchy

I think your partner has it right


Most people live together for a year absolute minimum before considering marriage -and even then don't rush. The exception seems to be those who choose not to cohabit prior to marriage for religious reasons- which as you moved in with him apparently isn't the case.


I suspect you belong to the generation who grew up hearing "why buy the cow when you already get the milk" and other silly phrases. (I did too)


From a legal point of view marriage makes sense for mature couples -so it will be something sensible to do in time - but really in this day and age no-one gets married within a year of moving in. Give him time- he says he wants to marry you but a year is too quick -which doesn't sound unreasonable.

theoretica

Mrs_Muckle wrote: »

I hate to be referred to as partner and hate referring to him as same.

No reason you need to use the term. Good lady/man, friend, companion...

FBaby

What are the financial situation of both?

From what you said, you've never worked so always relied on your husbands to support you. How are you supporting yourself now? Is your desperation to marry to do with financial security? If so, it's no surprise he is not as keen as you.

Saying that I totally agree that he should be totally honest with you, tell you that he either has no intention to marry you ever, might consider it but not sure when, or tell you he'll marry you in say 18-24 months.

If he told you he would rather never remarry, would you leave him?

purpleshoes_2

Mrs_Muckle wrote: »

Hi guys,

Maybe someone has some insight for me. My situation is:

I have been married and divorced 3 times. I have been living with a new partner coming up a year and I have always said that I do not wish to just co habit for ever and that marriage is what I want. My new partner agreed that we would marry, although always says in discussion with others that he would not marry again, he was married for 18 years, 22 years ago. Neither of us are in the first flush of youth.

I hate to be referred to as partner and hate referring to him as same. I belong to a generation where marriage equals respectability. I have had marriages lasting 18 to 8 years so not flash in the pan

The problem is there is no compromise. You cannot be half married or married alternate days. I have told him I will move out and he says he does not want this and he will be upset I feel my heart is breaking.

My story is long and painful so no room or appropriate here.

Any advice, majorly confused.

Mrs M

Perhaps being on your own for a while would be a better idea. Why on earth would you want to rush into a marriage given the way your last one broke down?

You cant emotionally blackmail someone into marrying you, its really unfair.

Mrs_Muckle

Thank you for your ,mostly good advice.

I have always worked, odd to assume I have never worked FBaby.

I think it is the emotional security I crave. I know in my head this is not guaranteed but my heart will not listen.

Prowls - I have never been married to an ' ennery! Lol.