How would you feel? the same or do I need a kick up the rear?

Pollycat

Malthusian wrote: »

Scary for whom? Not the OP. The mother will not starve as Pension Credit still exists and guarantees a minimum level of income even if you have zero State Pension. And there is more support for the homeless than there has ever been. If she dies penniless, the state will provide a public health funeral. The OP will not be liable.

I think there's a difference between not being liable and feeling an obligation to do something or even being coerced by other family memebers to do something that you don't want to do - as in Elinore's situation.

If the family are guilt-tripping her into taking her Mother in, I'm sure they'll not hesitate to do the same further down the line.

gycraig_2

Just to view this from a different angle, you Kent your mother money when she lived with you and you supported her in her time of need, she got a life changing windfall promised you money to buy a house then removed this offer choosing instead to use said money on a fancy car and a house to show off.

She then met a fancy man and !!!!ed all her money up the wall while you slaved away to buy yourself a house, you said your mother bought the house for cash so she isn't "homeless" by any means she probably has more in cash than the mortgage is on your house.

She has now decided to move back in with you assuming she wouldn't pay rent and knowing you will back down when the Rguement comes up about the rent.

I'll be a bit more direct than other posters, your mother doesn't give a !!!! about you, when she had it good did you see a penny ? Was she giving you house deposits was she taking you on holiday ? No she didn't she didn't care about you.

You took her in last time when she needed it, she found it she didn't need the help milked you for a few months further despite knowing you where struggling and then cleared off.

This person offers no positive benefit to your life and even now is slandering you saying you won't take her in despite the fact she paid your mortgage deposit which she didn't.

From the boyfriends perspective he needs to put his foot down and say no I'm amazed he hasn't already, you don't owe an explanation she's lucky you even speak to her.

If you move her in I'd be amazed if your relationship with your husband lasts 2 years, I'd be amazed if your mum was there to support you after as wel.

You don't owe anyone an explanation but personally I would. Get the family together explain what you have told us and be prepared to never speak to them again if it goes wrong., you don't need people like this in your life

AylesburyDuck

Their is only one way this is going to end, you know it and we know it.
You didnt need a kick up the rear, but you sure as hell do now!:eek:

Malthusian

I completely agree, but I don't think that's any scarier than the situation the OP is in now, where the mother is threatening to move into their house and consume their lives completely. I thought it was important to emphasise that the OP is free to rid herself of her mother at any time she chooses. At no point will the mother be at risk of starvation and at no point will the OP be legally or morally liable for the wellbeing of her mother.

OneLeggedPig

OP think logically. If she has 400 p/month to spare for accommodation then she can get a decent room as a lodger, so she'll be fine.

Think carefully before doing this to yourself and your other half.

Smodlet

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Their is only one way this is going to end, you know it and we know it.
You didnt need a kick up the rear, but you sure as hell do now!:eek:

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

This: With bells on.

Elinore

Morning all, sorry it's taken so long to update but i had to be admitted for a small operation. Nothing major, all on the mend.

P.S. i haven't read all your replies yet - I am going back to do that now, sorry, i did this the wrong way round!


A happy update….


My mother has found herself a beau. I have met the man and lets just say i am not a fan. Hes got 'loud n proud' views regarding !!!!!exuality, religions that are not Christianity, immigration and race. But he does have money……...quite a bit of it.


To be totally fair my mother does seem really smitten, so it's not just because he's loaded, i think. She is so taken with the chap she's decided to stay up north after the house sale as a guest in his house.


Being proactive we have got a lodger coming to see the rooms so that when my mother falls out with him (seems cold hearted, but she has a pattern) we can say the room is taken and the lodger has rights so can't just be kicked out (nor would we!)


She is coming down for 4 days over Christmas though - as the beau goes to his grown up kids. So that will be fun.

Person_one

Do you actually want a lodger?

Pollycat

Elinore
Thanks for the update, glad to hear you're on the mend.

It sounds like your mother lurches from one relationship to another.
But that's not your concern (or it wouldn't be mine if I were you).

It sounds like your Mother picks you up and drop you back down at the drop of a hat.
I don't think that's a nice trait but in the circumstances, she has done you a favour.

I would be leaving her in no doubt whatsoever that if this relationship fails, you will not be stepping in to give her a home.

I'd ask the same question as Person_one - do you want or need a lodger or are you just doing it to fend off your Mother should she need a place to stay a bit further down the line?

Primrose

That sounds a very happy outcome for you and I'm pleased this issue has been resolved at least temporarily. From your mother's character though it sounds as if she may just be postponing the evil day when stark realities hit her again when this new romance breaks down.

However the lodger for you is a good thing. Hopefully it will help you build up your own emergency savings and even if it doesn,t work out and the arrangement ends your mother will be living too far away to monitoror what's happening in your home so keep up the lodger myth anyway even if it ends.

When your mother comes for Christmas you can probably now get her to agree that it wouldn't,t have worked out now she,s for an alternative sp get that agreement set in stone now while the winds are set fair !!

But even with a new beau with money she needs to take responsibility for getting herself trained to earn an income and hacing some means of supporting herself or she could well find history repeating itself.

Encoursge her to treat this as a welcome reprieve which is giving her time to take responsibility for herself and get retrained. Her new man may well soon become tired of being her walking wallet.