38 and Single :o(

1940sGal

Ladyshopper wrote: »

I'm 39 and been single for 14 years. :eek:

My kids were only 2 and 3 when I split up with my husband, and I'd just got into the police, so a combination of young kids and shift work and nightmare of an ex-husband with regards childcare meant that I didn't really have chance to go out much.

I did try online dating, probably about 8 years ago, but didn't really get on with it. I'm quite shy, and although I forced myself to go out on a couple of dates, I just found it excrutiatingly hard work if I'm honest.

Been quite happy all these years, don't mind my own company and kids are great company. However, they're 16 and 17 now, so probably not long before they'll be off doing exciting things and leaving home, and I've realised that I could end up being quite lonely when they're gone.

Confidence and self-esteem are rock bottom, and I've been out the dating game so long I'm not sure if I'll ever find anyone to be honest.

At least you've got kids. I'd love at least 1. I joked to my mam the other day that if i won the lottery i'd be off to the nearest sperm bank, then i could forgo the hassle of dating! haha

1940sGal

Thought I'd give PoF another go. First message I receive?

'Hi there sexy do you work at subway cos you've just given me a foot long.'

The words 'head, brick and wall' come to mind...

morocha

In the last 4 days, 3 women asked me for my phone number... am I sending off the wrong signals..

VfM4meplse

neatheyc wrote: »

Hi all,

Anyone got any advice on how to cheer myself up?

38 year old male and have been single again since the beginning of the year. Live alone in my flat. No children.

Feel depressed as I feel I would really would like to have been married and have my own children by now. Feels like I have missed the boat and will be single for every. Too old for children.

Have tried POF but not having much luck on their. Can't really afford Match.com or Zoosk and not even sure they would be any better.

Need to get out and meet people but most of my friends are settled down now.

Have read the thread with interest...but should point out that if you can't afford a short-term subscription to a quality dating site (I'm not suggesting Match is that, btw!) you definitely cannot afford to fund a family.

calleyw

morocha wrote: »

In the last 4 days, 3 women asked me for my phone number... am I sending off the wrong signals..

You and me both.

It happens to me as well.

No idea why.

Yours

Calley

neatheyc

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Have read the thread with interest...but should point out that if you can't afford a short-term subscription to a quality dating site (I'm not suggesting Match is that, btw!) you definitely cannot afford to fund a family.

So, it's not that I cannot afford a subscription, it's that I have better things to spend that money on and believe that they charge way too much.

As for not being able to support a family, perhaps I am being naive, but the way I see it, currently living on my own, paying a mortgage, ground rent, maintenance, council tax, bills, going out etc by myself. If I met the right person, I'd expect to be living with them before having a family and therefore, would have cut back on a lot of stuff and possibly shared all the pay outs.

Is that not the case then? Do I have to judge on whether I can have my own family on the current financial basis I have?

VestanPance

In my experience it's certainly less expensive to live as a couple (taking that both of you work) than it is compared to living alone. Although that was based on two of us working full-time on similar-ish wages.

I'm sure that goes right out the window the second you have children though.

emmaj30

Try meet-up.. Probably mentioned on here before but its not a dating site just a social site (obviously people do date, but theres no pressure like match.com. There are loads of activities in the week and within time you will be out and about having fun and have no time to watch tv

lynsayjane

Hi all,

Just throwing my spoon into the mix! I'm 33 (34 in October) and as seems to be the case I'm single and childless, neither through choice.
I still get id'd regular enough buying alcohol to know that I look good for my age, I'm not high maintenance but I do take care of myself, a few extra pounds but in a classic hourglass way (take that as a fantastic cleavage and !!! ;-p haha)
I have a good job, my own home and car, I'm friendly and sociable.....
In short I can't see any particular reason that I'm still single and my friends (well the ones I trust to be honest) feel the same.

Over the years I've tried POF, Tinder, Hot or Not and various other sites even as recently as last week. In my 20's there were messages and dates but few that went any further (generally only one party was interested) recently there were no messages or replies to my messages. I always made an effort with my messages, not just the 'hi' kind but still nothing.

Like others I've utterly given up on dating websites and really the hope of ever finding someone or having a family. It's also hard to communicate any of this with family or friends, the only one person I know who was single and childless at my age met someone at 33/34 and now has two kids, they are pretty much the only thing that gives me hope. Any time I try to talk to anyone I get 'be thankful, my husband/kids are a complete pain, you're so lucky'.

I've joined a group called GirlCrew which has given me access to a larger circle of friends so I can get out and about but the last time I was chatted up/asked for my number in town was August 2012.

Anyway, that's my tale, I guess there's nothing useful in there for the thread but it's nice to know I'm not alone

LJ

onomatopoeia99

lynsayjane wrote: »

the last time I was chatted up/asked for my number in town was August 2012.

Just wanted to comment on this - most of my close friends are women (mix of single and in relationships) and they all have complained to me at various times about men trying to chat them up when they're out socialising with friends. Not one has ever said how they like being approached by random men, soI would never approach a random woman that I didn't know in a pub etc.

This might explain why I'm 45 and single!