38 and Single :o(

NWOIHTS

neatheyc wrote: »

So I have finally taken the plunge and booked to go on a Meetup event this Sunday. It's local to where I am and it's walking distance. Plus it's a beer, wine and cider festival so I can have a few to loosen me up!

You'll not regret it, first few meets can be a bit nerve wracking but you'll soon get into the swing of it, you might end up in other groups too, usually people are members of other groups and you end up tagging along to other functions and joining up as well. The meet up I'm on we are even planning a trip abroad this Summer and we've done so much stuff it gets you out meeting loads of new people. Wish meetup and the internet was about 20 years ago!

onomatopoeia99

NWOIHTS wrote: »

Wish meetup and the internet was about 20 years ago!

The Internet was. I've had my home email address for 20 years, sent my first email seven years before that....

NWOIHTS

heavenfire wrote: »

HA that made me laugh! I didn't join any single and on the pull groups nor did I join the apps to find a relationship. I just have a normal conversation with someone and on the odd occasion it turns into something more, you know like in real life

So what's your line for starting a convo with a complete stranger, or a friend of one of your friends, who by all accounts will still be a stranger?

Sheesh thought I'd heard it all, maybe I'll try that as internet dating is awful now!

NWOIHTS

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

The Internet was. I've had my home email address for 20 years, sent my first email seven years before that....

I've just awarded you pedant of the year!

NWOIHTS

1940sGal wrote: »

Thought I'd give PoF another go. First message I receive?

'Hi there sexy do you work at subway cos you've just given me a foot long.'

The words 'head, brick and wall' come to mind...

Shoulda said no work at the local cafe come down for today's special toad in the balls!

JasX

NWOIHTS wrote: »

So what's your line for starting a convo with a complete stranger, or a friend of one of your friends, who by all accounts will still be a stranger?

Meetup type things are easy on that front, you can jump in early with things like
"how did you stumble across this meetup"
"have you been coming to it long"
"do you go to any other meetups nearby that stand out as a fun/varied/decent crowd"
"how long have you been into/how did you get into <insert subject of the meetup>"

You can usually develop from there into chat about something you probably have in common (given you're both at whatever event it is) and/or if that runs dry a good backup is jumping out to something newsworthy that week related to the event (could be a new film release or...)

Skillfully escaping a conversation to move on to talking to / meeting other people at the event can be another challenge...:)

1940sGal

Well my date on Saturday went ok. I met him at his and we took a picnic to the park at the bottom of the road, then went for a walk. Gorgeous park and surroundings. Then he cooked me dinner which was nice.

There were a few awkward moments but that's to be expected on a first date. One thing that got to me a bit though was, whenever there was a bit of an awkward silence, I tried to fill it by asking him questions about himself and his family etc but when i left I realised he never once asked me anything about myself. Is it wrong that i find that a bit off putting? Maybe he was shy, I'm not sure.

We are planning on seeing each other again. Not sure when yet as he's going to his brothers this week then on to his parents to help them with a few things so he'll be away a couple of weeks at least.

The thing that's bothering me the most is that there was, for me at least, no massive spark there. I didn't come away thinking 'omg i can't wait to see him again!' He's a nice guy, good prospects, has his own home and we have plenty in common. When my relationships have ended in the past it's because i've never had much in common with the guy and i always thought that was why i'd never had that big spark but now i do have something in common with this one, still no spark. Am i being daft to think there should be? Or is that something that comes with time?

lynsayjane

1940sGal wrote: »

Well my date on Saturday went ok. I met him at his and we took a picnic to the park at the bottom of the road, then went for a walk. Gorgeous park and surroundings. Then he cooked me dinner which was nice.

There were a few awkward moments but that's to be expected on a first date. One thing that got to me a bit though was, whenever there was a bit of an awkward silence, I tried to fill it by asking him questions about himself and his family etc but when i left I realised he never once asked me anything about myself. Is it wrong that i find that a bit off putting? Maybe he was shy, I'm not sure.

We are planning on seeing each other again. Not sure when yet as he's going to his brothers this week then on to his parents to help them with a few things so he'll be away a couple of weeks at least.

The thing that's bothering me the most is that there was, for me at least, no massive spark there. I didn't come away thinking 'omg i can't wait to see him again!' He's a nice guy, good prospects, has his own home and we have plenty in common. When my relationships have ended in the past it's because i've never had much in common with the guy and i always thought that was why i'd never had that big spark but now i do have something in common with this one, still no spark. Am i being daft to think there should be? Or is that something that comes with time?

Glad the date went (mostly) well :T

I also find it off putting when the questions are one sided, that may have been down to nerves though, if it's the same on the second/third date though it's not nerves.

I always have the same internal debate over the spark situation when I have a date. I've been on both sides of it (big spark and no spark) and I'm afraid I don't think there is any hard and fast answer to it. Some people think these things can grow, I guess it all comes down to how you feel, whether it's worth giving it a chance and seeing if it grows for you.
I think having things in common would be more important to a relationship than the spark and worth giving it a few dates to see.

x

VestanPance

The "spark" thing basically means do you fancy them or not. I'd say you need both that and compatibility to form a relationship. Some people say that that can develop for them, others will say it never does if it's not there from the off. Only you would know which side of the fence you sit on with that.

As for him not asking you questions about yourself that's one of two things. Either he's terrible at carrying conversations without the other person taking the lead (possibly a bit of an introvert), or he had a brain fart due to nervousness.

1940sGal

Thanks guys. I'm definitely going to see him again so we'll see how it pans out. I asked my sister about it and she said when she met one of her exes there was no spark there to begin with and she wasn't sure she was interested but in the end she fell head over heels in love with him. Unfortunately she met him when she was studying in America and that's where he lived and in the end they couldn't manage the distance.

So i guess it does grow with some so we shall see what happens