"Her" money vs "my" money

maman

How refreshing that (unlike many similar threads in the past) there are so many posters who don't want to pool everything. Maybe the world is changing after all and IMO for the better!


DH and I have been together almost 40 years and never had a joint account. We've had a joint mortgage but that was it. We each have our own accounts, our own savings, ISAs etc. Plus I have an additional account that we used to use for household bills. Years ago it was one of those 'budget' accounts that would pay all your bills each month without penalty provided enough went in overall. So a bit like paying the energy bills, sometimes in credit, sometimes in surplus. They probably don't exist now.


What we do now is put everything on our (separate) credit cards and every month DH gives me half the cost of household items and all the cost of his personal stuff. Then I pay the bills. DH likes it that way, he calls me his 'equerry'. We're both really good with money as we both always live well within our means.


I don't exactly know DH's income but then I couldn't tell you my own without looking it up. If I had any need to know to the penny then I know he'd tell me.

pathtofreedom

I am single but for all of you who said you have some separate accounts please look into power off attorney even if you're married. http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/power-of-attorney

If one of you got hit by a bus and ended up in a coma with separate accounts if you don't have power of attorney can you pay all the bills with one income and no access to other persons accounts? This isn't a way to just turn everything into a join account but just if something bad happens will make your lives a million times easier.

Happier_Me

pathtofreedom wrote: »

If one of you got hit by a bus and ended up in a coma with separate accounts if you don't have power of attorney can you pay all the bills with one income and no access to other persons accounts? This isn't a way to just turn everything into a join account but just if something bad happens will make your lives a million times easier.

It's not relevant to our set up but this hadn't crossed my mind before. Then again, my DH is that disinterested in our finances he probably wouldn't be able to the pay the bills anyway, joint account or otherwise. I could be funding a second family and he wouldn't have a clue:D

74jax

pathtofreedom wrote: »

I am single but for all of you who said you have some separate accounts please look into power off attorney even if you're married. http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/power-of-attorney

If one of you got hit by a bus and ended up in a coma with separate accounts if you don't have power of attorney can you pay all the bills with one income and no access to other persons accounts? This isn't a way to just turn everything into a join account but just if something bad happens will make your lives a million times easier.

We both could manage perfectly fine if anything were to happen to the other. I did set up POA, but just due to my families history of strokes. Hubby doesn't have one. Not even a will, but that's another thread....

I love surprising hubby, I'm sure he'd notice 1k being taken out and think hhhhmmmm she has a holiday planned etc.

We have one account for bills, each pay into that to cover them and anything else remains in out accounts.

I never have any need to use his money, he never needs mine.

Couldn't tell you what savings he has, other than substantial. He wouldn't know what's in my bank either. If he saw a statement then fine, but we are both very secure independently.

Buzzybee90

maman wrote: »

How refreshing that (unlike many similar threads in the past) there are so many posters who don't want to pool everything. Maybe the world is changing after all and IMO for the better!


DH and I have been together almost 40 years and never had a joint account. We've had a joint mortgage but that was it. We each have our own accounts, our own savings, ISAs etc. Plus I have an additional account that we used to use for household bills. Years ago it was one of those 'budget' accounts that would pay all your bills each month without penalty provided enough went in overall. So a bit like paying the energy bills, sometimes in credit, sometimes in surplus. They probably don't exist now.


What we do now is put everything on our (separate) credit cards and every month DH gives me half the cost of household items and all the cost of his personal stuff. Then I pay the bills. DH likes it that way, he calls me his 'equerry'. We're both really good with money as we both always live well within our means.


I don't exactly know DH's income but then I couldn't tell you my own without looking it up. If I had any need to know to the penny then I know he'd tell me.

This is MSE, by nature I doubt it reflects society as a whole.

bugslet

squirrelchops wrote: »

It isn't a secret - I don't ask him and he doesn't ask me. I don't have the need to know every single penny he brings home. I know roughly what it is and he knows roughly what I have in ISA etc.

We were much the same ( though he worked for me, so I knew what he earned ).

We were unmarried ( 28 years) nad never had a joint bank account. I paid the mortgage and house insurance and stuff inside the house. He paid utilities and stuff outside the house. Food was a sort of split. We never sat down and calculated it but nor did we ever fall out about it.

I knew where all his paperwork was relating to bank accounts, savings, bills etc was and vice versa, and all my paperwork was clearly labelled in folders with a nice efficient master sheet detailing what to do should I keel over unexpectedly.

When he did decline ( dementia ), it was actually very easy to take everything over.

Don't think there's a right and a wrong way, just as long as both parties are happy.

itsanne

pathtofreedom wrote: »

I am single but for all of you who said you have some separate accounts please look into power off attorney even if you're married. http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/power-of-attorney

If one of you got hit by a bus and ended up in a coma with separate accounts if you don't have power of attorney can you pay all the bills with one income and no access to other persons accounts? This isn't a way to just turn everything into a join account but just if something bad happens will make your lives a million times easier.

That's very good advice. I would add that even joint accounts have the potential to be problematic if one of the holders becomes unable to operate it. PoA is useful for everyone, regardless of the degree to which they share their finances.

Strictly speaking, joint accounts shouldn't be an issue when one of the account holders dies, but I've known of cases where they have been 'put on hold' making it impossible for the survivor to access the money for some time. That shouldn't happen but it does, so it's important to have more than the one account.

bugslet

Happier_Me wrote: »

It's not relevant to our set up but this hadn't crossed my mind before. Then again, my DH is that disinterested in our finances he probably wouldn't be able to the pay the bills anyway, joint account or otherwise. I could be funding a second family and he wouldn't have a clue:D

74jax wrote: »

We both could manage perfectly fine if anything were to happen to the other. I did set up POA, but just due to my families history of strokes. Hubby doesn't have one. Not even a will, but that's another thread....

.

I do think pathtofreedom has an excellent point. Mr Bugs had a very fast developing dementia and although I can manage bills with just my money, I still had to deal with his accounts and manage his financial affairs when he went into a home.

Obviously as an unmarried couple, there are additional difficulties that married people wouldn't encounter, but if you aren't a signatory to accounts etc, a PoA makes life a lot, lot easier.

AmyTurtle

OH and I have separate bank accounts, I pay some bills but the majority go out of OH's account so I transfer him money every month to cover my half. On top of that I pay for food shopping, but if we get a takeaway or go out for a meal he usually pays, so swings & roundabouts really.
Now I'm pregnant and will be on maternity leave then a reduced income (will go part time at work) OH has suggested opening a joint account and is quite happy with a 'one pot' approach.
I come from a single parent family where I saw my mum financially done over by men a few times and am really struggling with the concept of being dependent on someone else financially. I'm happy to open a joint account to cover rent, bills and housekeeping but I'll never have my wage paid into it in a million years even though I trust OH implicitly- I need to feel that I have some financial independence or I would feel very insecure.

Gra76

I don't see the point in separate accounts once you're married. Aren't you supposed to be spending the rest of your life with the other person? Why would you not pool resources?

We had separate accounts all the way until we got married and that worked fine.

I'll admit when we got married I was quite keen to keep my own account separate as I earn a good 50-60% more than my wife but that's not really in the spirit of marriage as far as I'm concerned. In hindsight I think I was just being selfish!

Getting halfway through the month to be told by the wife that she's had to cancel a night out because she couldn't afford it was getting old so after much discussion we pooled the money and we've been doing that for the last 11-12 years. Seems to work fine.

I look after all the finances anyway as she was never good with money and panics at the mention of it.

I don't get what I want all the time now, that's the only downside. It used to be the case that we spent whatever money we had left over after paying the bills on whatever we wanted but that wasn't working out after a while as she never had any money left over and it caused resentment when I rolled up with a new TV/laptop/clothes etc. Once she'd covered her half of the bills she really didn't have an awful lot of money left and she'd spend half the time asking me for money anyway.

I find it far more simple to just chuck it all into the pot and pool it.