"Her" money vs "my" money

Buzzybee90

Gra76 wrote: »

I don't see the point in separate accounts once you're married. Aren't you supposed to be spending the rest of your life with the other person? Why would you not pool resources?

We had separate accounts all the way until we got married and that worked fine.

I'll admit when we got married I was quite keen to keep my own account separate as I earn a good 50-60% more than my wife but that's not really in the spirit of marriage as far as I'm concerned. In hindsight I think I was just being selfish!

Getting halfway through the month to be told by the wife that she's had to cancel a night out because she couldn't afford it was getting old so after much discussion we pooled the money and we've been doing that for the last 11-12 years. Seems to work fine.

I look after all the finances anyway as she was never good with money and panics at the mention of it.

I don't get what I want all the time now, that's the only downside. It used to be the case that we spent whatever money we had left over after paying the bills on whatever we wanted but that wasn't working out after a while as she never had any money left over and it caused resentment when I rolled up with a new TV/laptop/clothes etc. Once she'd covered her half of the bills she really didn't have an awful lot of money left and she'd spend half the time asking me for money anyway.

I find it far more simple to just chuck it all into the pot and pool it.

This. I don't know how anyone can see their partner struggling whilst they're treating themselves. Obviously it only really applies if there's a huge pay gap but still. What if one parent is a stay at home? How is it possible not to share then?

Torry_Quine

We have never had joint accounts but see all money as ours. When one of us isn't working for whatever reason then money is transferred into the account of the other so they still have money to spend.

Jagraf

We have just never had the luxury of being able to not pool our money. It's ours.

Primrose

We have two separate jount accounts. His income goes into his. My
Income goes into mine. As he has always earned more than me, he pays the bills and my income goes almost entirely into savings apart from my expenses like running my car. This gives us the feeling of having our own accounts and independence but has the advantage that if one of us suddenly died, the other would still have access to all our money without having to wait to go through the legal process.

catkins

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

This. I don't know how anyone can see their partner struggling whilst they're treating themselves. Obviously it only really applies if there's a huge pay gap but still. What if one parent is a stay at home? How is it possible not to share then?

I know a gay couple that have been together over 10 years. One earns around £30,000 and the other over £100,000. The higher earner buys designer clothes and spends quite a lot on himself a month. The lower earner often struggles and even when he was out of work his partner only paid for the bills, food etc (nothing for personal use, treats etc). I really can't get my head round it.

maman wrote: »

How refreshing that (unlike many similar threads in the past) there are so many posters who don't want to pool everything. Maybe the world is changing after all and IMO for the better!

I fail to see what is refreshing about it! I find it quite sad.


Of course couples should do what suits them and they are both happy with but, basically, I do feel that a committed couple should share things like money.

enthusiasticsaver

We opened a joint account when we got married 33 years ago and both our salaries were paid in and back then we were earning almost the same and all bills and expenditure came out of there. Before we had children there was very little restriction on what either of us spent but large items we ran past each other and made joint decisions. Presents also came out of there so no surprises.


Two kids later and my salary reducing due to part time working and my husband getting promotion we continued with the joint account but it could be problematic as I am a budgeter and a saver and my husband is a spender (although not overly extravagant but he just wouldn't know what he spent money on )


Now our kids are grown, we have both received inheritances and have no mortgage we have found a system that works for us. Joint account for wages and household and my expenditure and a monthly payment goes into my husbands work expenses account and he uses that only for personal expenditure. That way I am not nagging him to tell me what he is spending money on and he can see our joint statements showing what I spend. If I really wanted to buy something for him and did not want him to know (like a present for him) I would use my personal credit card and it would get lost in the monthly payment from our current account so we both have ways of spending without the other knowing.

Jagraf

Couples happy to share their beds, their bodies, their children. But not their money.

I have sat with my hand over my husbands forehead while he was sick. He has rocked me to sleep while I have mourned. He has cried in my arms at the loss of his father.

I'm not really bothered about a separate bank account. I don't understand the need to have this kind of independence. Surely a good relationship allows you to feel independent as much or as little as you like, and money has nothing to do with it.

tattycath

We've been together 9 years and have separate bank accounts, that said, all our money is ours-no matter whose bank account it's in.

Gloomendoom

Jagraf wrote: »

Couples happy to share their beds, their bodies, their children. But not their money.

I have sat with my hand over my husbands forehead while he was sick. He has rocked me to sleep while I have mourned. He has cried in my arms at the loss of his father.

I'm not really bothered about a separate bank account. I don't understand the need to have this kind of independence. Surely a good relationship allows you to feel independent as much or as little as you like, and money has nothing to do with it.

You don't need a joint account to share your money. Like somebody already said, it's more a state of mind. All money is "ours" wherever it happens to be kept.

littlemiss_pretty

We got married in August last year and opened a joint bank account almost immediately to pay for our rent,food and other bills. So every month we both put an equal amount into this joint account to cover the essentials.

We have our seperate accounts and can do whatever we like with the money. I tend to save a lot of what is left as I earn way more then my other half and we both know that money will go towards our house deposit.

It's early days but it's working for us. We go through the statements together every month but other half is happy for me to keep an eye on our finances.

Everyone is different and whatever works for me might not work for others. Things have changed as women are independent now compare to old days when they were expected to stay at home and look after kids.