"Her" money vs "my" money

Anatidaephobia

We have separate accounts but still feel like it's all "our" money. I think it's more of an attitude or state of mind than the physical importance of which account the money is in.

ZsaZsa

For us it was a joint account when we first lived together for the practicalities. Eventually I gave up work when I stopped working to look after our children and our finances sort of merged. It was a natural process though, I don't think we've had a single conversation about who's money is who's since opening our joint account. Husband never checks bank statements, I know better than to check before my birthday etc :rotfl:

pendragon_arther

TypicalVillain wrote: »

She'll want it joint after a few years of rowing.

TypicalVillain

Thanks for the advice! I'm glad others agree that having a bit of independence can be a good thing (though I guess it adds complication). She's quite hard to buy presents for (doesn't really wear jewelry or anything fancy) so I want to be able to do it at a moment's notice! At the very least I'll keep a credit card for that sort of thing...

anotheruser

marisco wrote: »

Pretty much straight after having a conversation to decide what level of your combined income is thrown into a joint pot and how much you each keep back to go into separate accounts for free spends and to be able to arrange nice little surprises for each other.

This is what I do.

I get paid into my own account, then a large proportion of that is transferred to a joint account, same with OH. At the moment, I put more than her but that's not what it's about.

Everything is paid from the joint account, which leaves personal account for gifts or coffee, whatever.

catkins

squirrelchops wrote: »

It isn't a secret - I don't ask him and he doesn't ask me. I don't have the need to know every single penny he brings home. I know roughly what it is and he knows roughly what I have in ISA etc.

Just seems strange to me. We have always known what the other earns. Even if we had not told each other we would see the amount that goes into the bank or see wage slips, P60's etc.


We just could not be bothered with faffing about working out how much has to go into a joint account to pay bills etc and what when unexpected bills crop up such as the car needing major work or an animal having to go to the vet?


In our early married life when the mortgage rose and rose ALL our money was going on mortgage, bills, food so there would have been no point trying to have a joint account and separate accounts.


I know lots of people do have a joint and separate accounts but I can't help wondering what happens if one person stops working (illhealth, baby etc) and is not earning any money at all

Gloomendoom

I don't even know how much I earn.

It's obviously enough.

VestanPance

It'll never be "our" money, while you both still play at yours and mine.

As for not even knowing what each other earns! :eek:

SailorSam

What's mine is mine, and what's hers is ours.

MallyGirl

catkins wrote: »

We got a joint account as soon as we got married. We have only ever had 1 joint account (no separate accounts) and it has worked for us for 34 years now.


All money that comes into the house is our money. Some of the time I was the higher wage earner, some of the time OH was and now he works full time and I don't work at all. That means really that when I buy him a present it's money he has earned that pays for it but neither of us think of it like that

Same here except that we got the joint account before we got married when we bought a house. It was a Virgin One bank account /offset mortgage so it didn't make sense to have any money elsewhere unless it was earning more interest than we were paying on the mortgage. That rarely happens.
We use credit cards for everything and pay at the end of the month (unless on 0%) to maximise the 'offset' aspect of the mortgage so any presents would be masked in there. We stooze on 0% cards where possible - when I say 'we' I mean 'me' as DH has no idea what is in the account or on any cards except his own so I just point him at an application form if there is a good deal on offer.
Over the years I have had a couple of inheritances and he made money on the sale of his first house to buy our joint one so that went into the 'pot'. The sale of my flat led to negative equity when we bought the joint house and then I took maternity leave and then went back part time till DD went to senior school so those came out of the 'pot'. I was made redundant when DD was a baby so that went into the 'pot' and recently so was OH so that also went into the 'pot'. He has been out of work for 3 months now so the 'pot' is shrinking a bit but we are a team.
I still thank him for presents or taking me out to dinner (even though all money is joint) - that is just good manners. He does the same.
Big spends (cars, holidays) are agreed in advance but we trust each other to control day to day spending to what is sensible and within our budget.
We have been together 20+ years, bought our first house together in 1997 and have been married nearly 15 years.