"Her" money vs "my" money

Notjustamum_2

We got a joint account when we bought our house 27 years ago. We both paid out of our incomes into that and just kept small amounts to buy each other gifts etc in our single accounts. When I was pregnant (overdue in fact) my own bank let me down by declaring my card stolen leaving me with the police being called when I used it in the supermarket (at 41 weeks pregnant), they said it was a mistake but wouldn't apologise so I. Order to close the account quickly I just transferred everything including the money I had saved for maternity leave to the joint account and I never bothered opening another single account. Then hubby became a higher rate tax payer so we took his name off the joint bank and savings account as I wasn't a taxpayer and didn't see why we should pay tax again on our interest. He pays most of his money into "my" account and all the bills etc go from that. All other spending is on credit card which is paid off each month. I now have a little job again as children are much older and the mortgage is paid off. I earn about a fifth of what he does but all money is always referred to as "ours" and we know exactly what we each earn. We're a partnership and it works well for us.

toadhall

We opened two joint accounts when we got married 25 years ago, one for paying the bills and the other everything else, at the time we both worked full time and had well paid jobs and each wage was paid into an account.
When we had the children, we went down to one wage and we separated it into enough to pay the bills and then the rest for luxuries.
Now the wages are back to paying into those same joint accounts. We have never felt the need to have 'his and hers' money.
It may not work for everyone but it works for us.

J_i_m

There's a fair few posters who have been quite judgemental of other people's ways in this thread.

Why? Aren't we all different? As long as it works for the couple in question then isn't that what matters?

I'm single, with no dependants and I'm financially independent but if I were in a relationship I would propose we'd retain our seperate accounts where our salaries could be paid into to, but have a joint account which we'd both contribute to for all our shared living expenses.

Gloomendoom

I think this thread has drifted somewhat.

The OP's question was "When does the our money feeling start?" Not "How do other couples manage their finances?"

dutchcloggie

Finally some other people who do it like I do! It is the perfect hybrid. I can't be dealing with the inequality of "oh she pays the shopping an I pay the bills so it kind of works out". Joint for shared costs, individual for other things.

happyinflorida

Honesty about finances is paramount to a relationship succeeding IMO

People who don't want to discuss money, keep things private - especially how much they earn, etc are the ones to avoid like mad.

The moment we moved in together we opened a joint account.

I've always been sensible about money and I knew my husband was one of those easy come, easy go types with money. So I discussed it thoroughly with him first before we moved in and laid down rules.

No spending more than £50 without discussing first and checking that it was available to spend.

No big expenditure for non essentials before essentials paid for first.

Always fill in cheque stubs (this has been a !!!!!! with my hubby!!)

We always know how much we've got and our finances have worked out brilliantly over the years.

We've been together over 30 years and married for over 25 years and very happy.

I do believe it is very important to be very honest about money for a relationship to work.

One couple I know had been together a few years, had a baby, got married and within a year split up - he found out she was £35K in debt!!!

Jake_027

To me it's "our" money whenever you feel like it, it doesn't matter what name is on the account. I am having the same discussion with my partner at the moment. We have a joint account for the bills, and use our own for everything else. I like it this way as we are sharing but I still retain my independence and am able to treat myself and him without feeling guilty about spending "our" money. I would never hesitate to transfer if he asked for some though. He is less of a saver than me and values convenience over price so we do not share the same values on buying things, which is why I wouldn't want a joint account for everything as I would feel out of control of my own life and guilty about what I spent. In any case our relationship should not be judged on the bank account names. He has access to the joint account and bills if he wants it, but doesn't take much notice and leaves them to me as I have better experience. In this day and age I feel it is better to have seperate accounts anyway, as you get more benefits that way and with faster payments the money can be transferred instantly. For example OH gets an interest free overdraft with his HSBC current account, I get free travel insurance on my Nationwide as well as access to a cashback credit card (circa £30 per year) and the joint is a halifax reward netting us £5 per month. If we joint everything we would lose the former 2 benefits and would not gain any additional functions. Also if bank systems go down like the RBS fiasco a couple of years ago and we put all money into one account, then we are both without, whereas if we stay with different banks on our individual accounts then one can help the other out until the problems are sorted. I can see the usefulness in the past before the days of faster payments and mobile banking, and it is handy to have a joint account for bills, but for everything when you have two wage earners it almost seems a waste. If you trust each other truly all the money is still "ours", all it takes is a click of a button to move it where it needs to be.

Elsewhere

Husband and I were engaged 3 years before we married and saved like crazy for our first house so we both knew we were careful about money and were sure of each other's financial situation before marrying. Once we married we turned each of our individual bank accounts into joint accounts. After that most of the finances were in my name or either of us could sign because he worked away from home for years and it wasn't practical to wait for his signature. We've been married 41 years now.

However, without that long engagement I would have held back on merging our finances for at least a couple of years. You have to strike a balance between trust and foolhardiness; if your partner has nothing to hide I am sure they will also appreciate a gradual approach.

seven-day-weekend

catkins wrote: »

We got a joint account as soon as we got married. We have only ever had 1 joint account (no separate accounts) and it has worked for us for 34 years now.


All money that comes into the house is our money. Some of the time I was the higher wage earner, some of the time OH was and now he works full time and I don't work at all. That means really that when I buy him a present it's money he has earned that pays for it but neither of us think of it like that

We are the same.

Any money that comes in is 'our' money, regardless of whose name is on it. Any expenses are 'our' expenses regardless of who generated it.

We each have separate savings accounts (better for tax purposes), and budget our savings. Although they have separate names on, these are 'our' savings.

We have separate accounts for personal spends, this money comes from our joint income. However, even though we have these separate accounts which we can use as we please, if we needed money over and above that in the joint account, then our spending and is also 'ours'.

It has been this way ever since we got married and opened our first Joint Account forty-four years ago.

74jax

happyinflorida wrote: »

People who don't want to discuss money, keep things private - especially how much they earn, etc are the ones to avoid like mad. I don't think this is always true, we don't discuss salary at all, we're not avoiding it, it's just not an issue. If I asked him to see his payslip (I have no idea why I would) I totally think he'd show me it, same with me showing him. We both know where all our paperwork is kept - in a filing cabinet inthe study. I could look up his shares, investments, savings etc and he could look up, but we just don't.


No spending more than £50 without discussing first and checking that it was available to spend.
you see I don't see why I should have to ask him to spend something like £50.00, good lord he spends 10 x more than that at the drop of a heart beat, if we were to both ask each other each time we spent something I couldn't see what we were doing it for. i don't need to know what he spends and vice versa.

I do believe it is very important to be very honest about money for a relationship to work.

I think as long as a couple can find a way that suits 'them' they have it right. I don't judge others with a joint account for everything, the same as I don't judge those who have no joint account whatsoever.

The main reason we don't have everything together other than bills, is like I say we spoil each other all the time, I would notice large amounts being taken out of our account, I don't want to know how much a weekend away cost, how much a meal was etc. Equally the main reason is we're too laxy, we like it how it is and can't be bothered to close all our accounts and open news ones. :rotfl: