Having a baby aged 35 or over

Jagraf

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

To be fair to Worry_Wart, it's not like she is trying to trap her man. He is fully informed of the situation and that contraception is now up to him because she wants a baby.

I think the idea of babies to some men is terrifying and they just need time to come round to the idea. They don't have the same issues that women have when it comes to their age being a factor and the problems it can bring nor do they probably worry about conceiving at all.

How patronising to men.

Rachylou1981

Jagraf wrote: »

How patronising to men.

Apologies. Although I did say 'some', not all.

VestanPance

You've got to wonder at the sanity of any woman who thinks about getting pregnant in a like it or lump it way. It's about the most childish, ill thought out approach to what is the most serious of all decisions.

If you're in your mid to late 30's and your partner is still unsure, then you're with the wrong person.

Rachylou1981

VestanPance wrote: »

You've got to wonder at the sanity of any woman who thinks about getting pregnant in a like it or lump it way. It's about the most childish, ill thought out approach to what is the most serious of all decisions.

If you're in your mid to late 30's and your partner is still unsure, then you're with the wrong person.

It's certainly not my plan but each to their own.

I don't agree with your second statement though. My partner is still in his 20s and there is an age gap so he has a right to have a different mindset and opinion about the whole thing to me. He is not the wrong person, it's just about finding the right time for both of us. We both want children and I am happy to wait to begin trying.

Marisco

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

It's certainly not my plan but each to their own.

I don't agree with your second statement though. My partner is still in his 20s and there is an age gap so he has a right to have a different mindset and opinion about the whole thing to me. He is not the wrong person, it's just about finding the right time for both of us. We both want children and I am happy to wait to begin trying.

Unfortunately though, you haven't got the time to hang about waiting for him to "catch up". What if he's still unsure when in his 30's? It'll be too late for you then.

Soleil_lune

Jagraf wrote: »

Trying for a baby without mutual consent is a recipe or disaster and immoral (where's the shudder icon). What if a man wants a child but a woman doesn't, ones he pierce a hole in his condom?

This ^^^ If there is one thing guaranteed to mess up a relationship, it's a baby that one of them did not plan or want.

Marisco wrote: »

Unfortunately though, you haven't got the time to hang about waiting for him to "catch up". What if he's still unsure when in his 30's? It'll be too late for you then.

Good point M.

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

To be fair to Worry_Wart, it's not like she is trying to trap her man. He is fully informed of the situation and that contraception is now up to him because she wants a baby.

I think the idea of babies to some men is terrifying and they just need time to come round to the idea.

Oh dear. I think I've heard it all now.

I don't know whether one of THESE is in order >>> :rotfl:

Or one of THESE >>>

Molly41

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

Oh I know that but to be fair to me, I can't just have a baby because of what nature says. The timing has to be right and at the moment I don't have a choice to try earlier.

There is never the right time to have a baby x

Lunar_Eclipse

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

I just know that I won't be in a position to try for a baby until I am late 30s.

Unless, I've missed something, I don't think you do know that though. You're *hoping* you'll be in a position to, surely? [EDIT: I've just read your latest post where you did say your partner does want children.]

I love your attitude to becoming pregnant because it's clear to me that you respect and love your partner. But I also think most people, and especially men from my experience, are never 100% "ready" for children.

I'm totally awed by the body and somewhat scared by the biology/miracle of child bearing and taking nothing for granted, so am definitely in the 'If you know you want kids just get on with it because there is never a right time' camp. 30 was my personal cut off for finishing our family (admittedly with the incredibly fortunate blessing of having found my partner.)

Sounds like you have a pragmatic view, good luck!

Rachylou1981

Marisco wrote: »

Unfortunately though, you haven't got the time to hang about waiting for him to "catch up". What if he's still unsure when in his 30's? It'll be too late for you then.

It is not just my decision and I will not force him into it. He completely understands the fertility issue but this does not mean he will suddenly be ready. He is not unsure about having children, just not ready yet. I am not entirely ready yet either if I am honest but I see 35/36 as my goal. He understands this and accepts it. However, o-one can say when they know they will be 'ready' for something especially looking into the future.

Anyway, what alternative do I have? End my relationship? I would certainly be in a worse position to have a baby if I was single. But even so, I would rather be childless and with my partner than not with him at all.

Just to add, this thread shows that it is not necessarily going to be too late for me. Some really positive stories here.

Rachylou1981

Soleil_lune wrote: »

This ^^^ If there is one thing guaranteed to mess up a relationship, it's a baby that one of them did not plan or want.


Oh dear. I think I've heard it all now.

I don't know whether one of THESE is in order >>> :rotfl:

Or one of THESE >>>

Just to clarify. I am not planning a baby without my partner's consent and I am not trying to talk him into it. I merely meant what Lunar Eclipse touches on also that men (in our experience) are never as ready as women are.