Having a baby aged 35 or over

sulkisu

I had my first child at 44, followed by twins at 45 -all conceived naturally. I had no medical problems related to the pregnancies and my three boys are all healthy and well - in fact my high blood pressure, which I had been taking medication for five years before, felt throughout my first pregnancy and has been normal ever since.
I didn't choose to have children late, I was told that I was infertile aged 28 after cancer treatment and had pretty much accepted it. I won't lie, it is tiring (although having three little ones would probably be tiring for anyone). Having said that, I am relatively stable (financially, emotionally, professionally) and I do feel as if I had the best of both worlds - my 20s, 30's and early 40's were care free and I was able to travel, study and be completely selfish).

Kaye1

The other point that someone has touched on is that as you get older, looking after a child gets harder. I was 30 when I had my first, energy levels fine- up all night, fine in the day.
Had my second aged 36 and I can't wait to crawl into bed at night! Fitness levels on my part are the same, just don't seem to be able to bounce back as quickly as I did before. My 'geriatric' friends (I had that on my notes too!) feel the same.
Whilst I totally respect your decision, I think you are wise to be prepared for the consequences. There is no escaping the fact that the older you are, the more tricky things can become.

Rachylou1981

FBaby wrote: »

It's a very difficult choice isn't it? You are doing the right thing waiting for both of you to be ready, at the same time, what if you are ready and then it doesn't happen and live with the regret that you didn't start earlier. What if you wait until you are 38, and then your partner announces that he is still not ready, what do you do then?

Sorry to ask again if you don't want to answer the question, but how do you think you would feel if in the end, it never happened and you never became a mum. Would that be ok (if not ideal)?

We have had all these discussions, it is after all a big life decision. We have both said that if it doesn't happen we would of course be sad but we would not let it ruin us or our life because we have a great life and we would still be happy if we did end up as 'just us'

jp1964

I think it really boils down to the fact that, at any age people can have problems conceiving, and if that becomes apparent at an older age (and you cannot get away from the fact that fertility does decline with age) time is not on your side, and the chance of future success diminishes.

I had my first baby at 23, and my last at 34, so am now at age 50 looking at all my kids being almost all adults and teens, that suited me, but it won't suit everyone.

Someone of a similar age to me in my family had issues conceiving (started later at 34 ttc and waited 4 years before succeeding) then had to wait another 4 years before the 2nd came along at age 42.

Just the way it goes, but it really is the luck of the draw.Guess it really does depend on how you view the fact that if there are problems, you may face not being able to have children at all. That said, no one should feel forced to try earlier than they planned to simply for that reason, you and only you and your partner can decide what is right, but you do need to face facts if things don't go smoothly.

I do feel so fortunate that I was lucky enough to be able to have my kids at a younger age, when I wanted to, and that now I can enjoy seeing them all making their way in life and enjoy the next stage of life with my husband, doing things that we choose to. I really would not want to be dealing with teenagers in my late 50s and early 60s.

It would be wonderful if we all could have our choice at the perfect time for us, but life can be a real lottery in this regard.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Rachylou1981

jp1964 wrote: »

Just the way it goes, but it really is the luck of the draw.Guess it really does depend on how you view the fact that if there are problems, you may face not being able to have children at all. That said, no one should feel forced to try earlier than they planned to simply for that reason, you and only you and your partner can decide what is right, but you do need to face facts if things don't go smoothly.

This hits the nail on the head for us really. It's so difficult not knowing what lies ahead but we both know that trying now is the wrong choice for us and if we pay a price for this then so be it.

janed9388

another older mum here, I had DD1 at 40, no.2 is currently on the way and due in May, both easily conceived and both very problem free pregnancies on the whole (gestational diabetes with DD1, not with this pregnancy) - a bit of a tough birth with DD1 that ended in a c section but that could happen at any age. DD1 has no health problems, I have had plenty of tests this pregnancy and have a 1 in 10,000 chance of having an age related birth problem (harmony testing).

Like the other older mums posting, we had a great time in our 30's and traveled the world, went out without worrying about baby-sitting, did whatever we wanted whenever and generally had a great time. We know that when we're in our 50's we won't be able to start doing that again, but should be financially secure enough that all 4 of us can do it (in the school holidays obviously !).

Would we / should we have had the children younger, perhaps, for many reasons, but we really weren't ready ourselves and would have found it harder in many ways. If they hadn't come along, would we have been disappointed, a little perhaps, but then it's hard to miss what you haven't ever had so I think we would have be OK with just the two of us.

Whatever you decide to do, only you can decide and good luck !

Marisco

jp1964 wrote: »

I do feel so fortunate that I was lucky enough to be able to have my kids at a younger age, when I wanted to, and that now I can enjoy seeing them all making their way in life and enjoy the next stage of life with my husband, doing things that we choose to. I really would not want to be dealing with teenagers in my late 50s and early 60s.

Same here, especially when my marriage went south after 23 years when I was 41!! God knows what I'd have done if I'd been stuck with 2 small kids on my own at that age! As it was I was able to have a whale of a time, met oh and we've been together 23 years, and still having a whale of a time.

Mrs_Soup

At 35/36 you shouldn't have too many problems that you wouldn't have had anyway. By 40 it can be a different story.
I had my first at 41 and second at 43 - not straightforward though as I had fertility treatment (not IVF) both times. I started trying at 38.5 and started having blood tests 6 months later but this coincided with a diagnosis of fibroids for which I had surgery.
Things to remember are genetics eg increased risk of Downs etc but also that the miscarriage rate over 40 is 50% so it may be easy to get pregnant but not necessarily stay pregnant.
If your mum/grandma had their menopause later then your chances are better- fertility goes into decline about 10 years before you start menopause I'm told.
The tricky thing is you have no idea until you try. It could all be smooth sailing or you could struggle and run out of time to do anything about it.
I am now almost 49 and have a not quite 5 year old, this makes me the age of the grandmas of some of his classmates and significantly older than many of the parents!
If you are absolutely certain you want to have children I wouldn't advise leaving it much later than 36 if you possibly can.

supersaver2

It is a really hard decision to make and of course there are pro's and con's to having children young or being an older parent. Being a younger mum is not guaranteeing you a healthy pregnancy as myself and my wife found out unfortunately. If you just look at it from a health perspective and when the female is at her healthest to carry a child we would all be parents in our teens, clearly not practical for all. I would worry about being an older parent though as you will be less likely to be their for you child as they get older and have children of their own. But as other says, being financially secure is also beneficial. Good luck OP in your quest for a family, hope it all works out.

Jagraf

No-one can ever properly plan where children are concerned. None of us know what hand we will be dealt.

Don't think too much!