Having a baby aged 35 or over

j.e.j.

My aunt had her son (my cousin) when she was 45!! At first she thought that the reason her periods had stopped was the menopause, and she was a bit shocked to find that she was expecting!

No problems during the pregnancy or birth, and the child (now 15) is also fine, doesn't have Downs or anything like that.

It's not always the case that older women have babies with disabilities, and your doctor has no right whatsoever to be 'breathing down your neck' !!

Soleil_lune

I think the upshot is that ladies over 35 are going to have more of a likelihood of struggling to conceive and having issues with the pregnancy and birth, and also a higher risk of imperfections with the baby, than younger ladies.

But it's not a given, and lots of ladies have no issues at all, with the pregnancy OR with the baby. I think (I may be wrong,) but I think that Esther Rantzen had 3 babies over the age of 35; 2 in her 40s, with (as far as I know,) no issues with any of them.

Also, my friend had 2 babies when she was 36 and 39; no issues.

My cousin had a baby at 39 - no issues. Didn't have anymore by choice,

Madonna had 2 babies past 35. No problems. Both kids fine.

Same goes for many women.

The risks are higher than when you are in your 20s, but there is still a relatively low chance of problems.

Go for it, and best wishes to you! 36 is not old!

Rachylou1981

LilElvis - I started this thread to hear all experiences so thank you for your input. I know that there must be bad and sad experiences out there and so I want to be prepared for every eventuality.

I am glad that you have ended up with a daughter

Thank you JEJ and Soleil Lune - some good stories there.

LilElvis

j.e.j. wrote: »

My aunt had her son (my cousin) when she was 45!! At first she thought that the reason her periods had stopped was the menopause, and she was a bit shocked to find that she was expecting!

No problems during the pregnancy or birth, and the child (now 15) is also fine, doesn't have Downs or anything like that.

It's not always the case that older women have babies with disabilities, and your doctor has no right whatsoever to be 'breathing down your neck' !!

I doubt the doctor is actually doing anything like this! In my view a doctor who points out the reality of declining fertility is providing a far better service to their patient than mine did. It was all very reassuring to be sent on my way to waste more time "trying" because my miscarriage was actually a positive as it proved I could get pregnant and my hormone levels were the equivalent of a woman below 35. What I actually needed was a reality check and an immediate referral to a specialist.

2gorgeousgirls

I was almost 36 when I had my first after trying for 5 years.

I had a difficult labour (delivered by ventouse) and had to have an emergency operation due to retained placenta.

I then went on to have a second child when I was 38. Because of the previous retained placenta and the way she was lying I had to have a caesarian. Again the placenta wouldn't come away and they had to work with it (I was lying there listening to them saying they were going to have to do a hysterectomy). Eventually it came away but it was an awful experience.

Due to the fact that the second retained placenta was much worse than the first the obstetrician recommended that I have no more so I was steralised 3 months later.

I have to say that while both births were not ideal, I would go through it all again to have my kids.

My only regret is that I didn't meet my husband until I was 30. I would much prefer to have had my children when I was younger.

I don't know if the complications above were age related. But I do remember my notes were labelled "geriatric" - not very nice!

ETA: My children both have a genetic condition (which their father only discovered after they were born) which will mean treatment when they are older. However that is nothing to do with the fact that I was an older mother. Genetic condition aside, they are both very healthy.

j.e.j.

LilElvis wrote: »

I doubt the doctor is actually doing anything like this! In my view a doctor who points out the reality of declining fertility is providing a far better service to their patient than mine did. It was all very reassuring to be sent on my way to waste more time "trying" because my miscarriage was actually a positive as it proved I could get pregnant and my hormone levels were the equivalent of a woman below 35. What I actually needed was a reality check and an immediate referral to a specialist.

Yeah, you don't always get the care you need on the NHS, that's a good point worth bearing in mind.

But as regards breathing down her neck, that's what it said in post #4 and if that's what the doctor is doing then he/she has no right whatever to be doing that. Family planning is a personal (and somewhat emotive) matter. Help and advice from a healthcare professional is fine, - pressure and criticism is not!

Rachylou1981

LilElvis wrote: »

I doubt the doctor is actually doing anything like this! In my view a doctor who points out the reality of declining fertility is providing a far better service to their patient than mine did. It was all very reassuring to be sent on my way to waste more time "trying" because my miscarriage was actually a positive as it proved I could get pregnant and my hormone levels were the equivalent of a woman below 35. What I actually needed was a reality check and an immediate referral to a specialist.

Whilst I can understand them advising, they can't know what circumstances people are in and whether they want a baby or not. When I am going there for birth control, it's perfectly obvious that I am not intending on a family just yet and I don't think they have a right to tell me that I should be thinking about conceiving unless I tell them I want a child - which I haven't.

A friend of mine who has one child was told by a GP she should try for another as it was selfish to have just one. Unbelievable but true.

j.e.j.

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

A friend of mine who has one child was told by a GP she should try for another as it was selfish to have just one. Unbelievable but true.

She was told this by a doctor?? :eek:

:mad:

codemonkey

I'm only just 35 and as it turns out, can't have children through male factor infertility issues. Its possible to get pregnant over 35 without too many problems.
I have friends who have had babies over the age of 35, some getting pregnant immediately or accidentally. Being older does seem to increase the chances of multiple births and birth defects but that's a lottery. I was born when my mum was almost 41 and I'm fine. She did have a more difficult labour and that was down to age.

What it comes down to is the potential for time running out if you do have problems conceiving. NHS testing takes forever and some PCTs will not fund your treatment over a certain age. So, when the time is right, check your local PCT policy on when you can go and get help (usually if you've been trying for 6 months).

I would consider stopping your pill sooner rather than later as it can take up to a year for your body to get back to normal (use other contraception though, just in case). Also start with the folic acid at least a year before you want to start trying.

Try not to worry about the fertility dropping off a cliff stats though as every woman is different.

codemonkey

j.e.j. wrote: »

She was told this by a doctor?? :eek:

:mad:

You'd be amazed by the things doctors come out with relating to fertility.