Having a baby aged 35 or over

FBaby

I do worry that we may struggle to conceive and that the decision of starting at 36 may not necessarily mean we are lucky enough to conceive and have a child at that age. That's probably my main worry of the whole process, finding we have problems and time is not on our side,

So the question you need to ask yourself is would you consider trying earlier if you knew or highly suspected you would struggle to conceive. One thing you need to consider is what you would do if you were to be told you couldn't conceive naturally (due to you or partner), would you then consider IVF? IVF chances of success due reduce significantly with age, and to get it on the NHS, you would need to be under 40 (in most areas).

I guess you need to ask yourself how desperate you are to become a mother and would you be ok if it didn't happen.

Spendless

I was 31, 32 and 35 when I conceived, with the babies all being due after my next birthday. All were conceived within a month of trying. It was at a scan in my first pregnancy where we were told that the child had an abnormality which meant he would survive at best a few minutes after being born, and the pregnancy was terminated. The other two pregnancies I have healthy children, so it was when I was the youngest that I got the worst outcome from my pregnancies.

Nothing is a given, I know people who've had babies in their 40s and people who've had fertility issues since they were 21. The only thing is if you do need treatment the younger you are, the more time you will have to play with.

LilElvis

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

I do agree. I wish I'd have had the choice to be a younger mum. My sister is late 30s and her children are in their teens now so they are becoming less reliant on her and she can now do more in life. However I have had a brilliant life in my 20s and have travelled the world, something she has not been able to do and probably never will. I don't particularly feel old now either but I am aware that I will likely be parenting teens in my 50s :eek:

I'm going to be 48 next month, my husband is 56 and our daughter is 4 - so we are positively ancient

I'm twice the age, but half the size, of many of the mums in my daughter's class so I can run after her whilst they are are waddling along, panting and shouting at theirs. I also look a lot better in skinny jeans :rotfl:

Because we are older we are also more financially secure (mortgage free) and can afford to do more with her (she's already been to South Africa three times). It has also meant that I can afford not to work so that I can spend more time with her.

Some of our friends had children young, but we don't feel excluded as they now tag along with us but bringing their grandchildren. :T

Not everyone's choice to have children when you are medically classified as "old", but it certainly isn't all negative.

Rachylou1981

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

I do worry that we may struggle to conceive and that the decision of starting at 36 may not necessarily mean we are lucky enough to conceive and have a child at that age. That's probably my main worry of the whole process, finding we have problems and time is not on our side, especially since we would like to have more than one. It's a bit of a gamble but isn't life all a gamble?

FBaby wrote: »

So the question you need to ask yourself is would you consider trying earlier if you knew or highly suspected you would struggle to conceive. One thing you need to consider is what you would do if you were to be told you couldn't conceive naturally (due to you or partner), would you then consider IVF? IVF chances of success due reduce significantly with age, and to get it on the NHS, you would need to be under 40 (in most areas).

I guess you need to ask yourself how desperate you are to become a mother and would you be ok if it didn't happen.

That's the thing, trying earlier is not an option. My partner is younger and not ready yet. I would have a baby now but know that I am not completely ready and would be doing it just because I was scared of leaving it too late. I would hate to risk our relationship for something we are not ready for. We have discussed at length and agreed to wait until after 35, most probably aged 36. We obviously are aware that in making this decision, we could have problems but are prepared for this. Hearing real life experiences is very helpful and who knows, we could change our mind and do it sooner.

Rachylou1981

LilElvis wrote: »

I'm going to be 48 next month, my husband is 56 and our daughter is 4 - so we are positively ancient

I'm twice the age, but half the size, of many of the mums in my daughter's class so I can run after her whilst they are are waddling along, panting and shouting at theirs. I also look a lot better in skinny jeans :rotfl:

Because we are older we are also more financially secure (mortgage free) and can afford to do more with her (she's already been to South Africa three times). It has also meant that I can afford not to work so that I can spend more time with her.

Some of our friends had children young, but we don't feel excluded as they now tag along with us but bringing their grandchildren. :T

Not everyone's choice to have children when you are medically classified as "old", but it certainly isn't all negative.

Sounds like you have a great life. I know that we will certainly be more financially stable in a few years than we are now. Our mortgage will also be paid off in about 10 years. In fact a lot of my friends who have had children young have not been able to buy a house or travel and so I can be proud that I have done that and will probably still be able to if/when I have a family

sulphate

My mum was 42 when I was born. It took a year to conceive. She had a trouble free pregnancy but I was undiagnosed breech, born vaginally at 36-37 weeks. No problems otherwise.

I am my mum's only child due to several reasons: financial, age and dad didn't want any more.

I think, as someone who has older parents that people focus too much on the fertility / pregnancy issues (or the potential of them) rather than long term. My mum is now 70 and my dad 81 and very sadly they are unlikely to be in my life for as long as, say, my DH's parents who are 56 and 61.

Kynthia

I was trying to conceive at 34 and after 10 months, and at 35, I got pregnant. My mum and sister conceived very quickly but were younger, and it's hard to know if it was just the odds (a year isn't unusual for healthy couples), my age, or my partner's "count" that caused the delay. My pregnancy was fine apart from pelvic girdle pain, which runs in my family so isn't age related.

I had no age related complications and had a text book birth. However I didn't bounce back from the labour as quick as my younger friends, and I've had a couple of issues since but they aren't exclusive to older mums but are more common. We haven't tried for a second yet as we're too tired and will be more keen when she sleeps through the night. ��

lostinrates

Kynthia wrote: »

I had no age related complications and had a text book birth. However I didn't bounce back from the labour as quick as my younger friends, and I've had a couple of issues since but they aren't exclusive to older mums but are more common. We haven't tried for a second yet as we're too tired and will be more keen when she sleeps through the night. ��

Ah, that's a point. My mother went from having me pretty much straight into menopause, which was difficult for everyone. She didn't bounce back from me like she had as a mother before and found she didn't ever really bounce back again, That was a tremendous shock to her, and aged her a lot. She'd been tremendously vibrant before I understand, and is now. But she was knocked out for a good fifteen twenty years or so. But she was older than late thirties.

summerspring

When you are young you have more energy but not as much patience or life experience. When you're older the opposite applies. There is no perfect age to have a baby, and given that women are expected to graduate and have a career first, it isn't surprising that many of them are at least in their 30s before they are ready to start a family.

Good luck, OP, and ignore judgemental comments, whether from medics or from other people.

FBaby

My partner is younger and not ready yet. I would have a baby now but know that I am not completely ready and would be doing it just because I was scared of leaving it too late.

It's a very difficult choice isn't it? You are doing the right thing waiting for both of you to be ready, at the same time, what if you are ready and then it doesn't happen and live with the regret that you didn't start earlier. What if you wait until you are 38, and then your partner announces that he is still not ready, what do you do then?

Sorry to ask again if you don't want to answer the question, but how do you think you would feel if in the end, it never happened and you never became a mum. Would that be ok (if not ideal)?