Having a baby aged 35 or over

Rachylou1981

Hi all

Looking to speak to women who have had children aged 35 or over and their experiences. Because of circumstances, I won't be trying for a baby until at least aged 36 but I am worried about this, especially in terms of the information out there about fertility dropping after 35 and women having trouble conceiving at an older age. I would like more than one child also.

My questions mainly are:

• How old were you when you had your first child?
• How long did it take to conceive?
• Any complications that were age related?
• Did you go on to have more children? (same questions)

Tigsteroonie

I do hope I'm not the first person to reply as my story isn't perfect

I was 39 when I fell pregnant, 40 when I had littl'un. I fell pregnant very quickly after coming off the pill, it was about a month later.

I had complications (intra-uterine notching) which resulted in a very premature birth. Our son is deaf and autistic. I have no idea whether the problems were related to my age, or just me. Unfortunately we haven't been blessed with another child, not for want of trying

One work colleague had her first child last autumn, age of 36, no issues. Another work colleague had her daughter at 42, again no issues. So there are plenty of happy stories out there too!!

pinkshoes

My aunt had her 2nd at 42 and 3rd at 44.

Both conceived naturally with no problems, and no issues with either boys (who are now teenagers!)

You would be best speaking to your mum and gran about family fertility, menopause age etc...

We are currently trying for our 2nd (i am 35) and i am now on my 2nd miscarriage.

Rachylou1981

Thanks for responses. I only know one person who had her first at 38 and her experience was fine. I just need to hear others. I also have GPs breathing down my neck about not leaving it too late (don't worry I put them straight that it is my decision when I do it).

My mum and grandmother and my sister have had no fertility issues but all had their children very early from late teens/early 20s

However we have all suffered terribly with bad periods. I have been on birth control since age of 14 to control them. My nieces have just began theirs and one is having same issue so this must run in our family ?relevance.

FBaby

I know plenty of women who had children in their late 30s and had no problems at all. There is a lot of talk about issues after that age because indeed, it is a fact that fertility reduces and risks increases, but that doesn't mean that pass 35, your chances of getting pregnant fall by 50% nor that the risk increase by that same proportion.

I don't think there is forcibly a link between bad period pain and fertility, unless the painful periods can be attributed to andometriosis. If you are concerns, there are tests that you can do that would give an indication of your fertility level, as well as interventions to check if your tubes are healthy. I doubt you could get these under the NHS (well maybe the blood test for fertility), but if you are worried, you might want to do all the tests available to be reassured. Of course, nothing is certain when it comes to falling pregnant.

aileth

My mum had me aged 37 conceived first cycle, my sister at 39 second cycle. Both totally healthy and normal (as far as we know!) she had zero issues in pregnancy.

Rachylou1981

When I say bad periods, I don't mean pain, I mean really heavy. No sanitary protection could hold it. I had many embarrassing encounters at school as a teen. We all had same problem.

I have read about tests that can be done but at present, I don't see a lot of point as I could not do anything about it right now. I am 34 but not ready for a baby at this point. I think any problems that would flag up would just cause stress and anxiety.

Rachylou1981

Thanks Aileth.

Forgot to say that I was sorry for your loss Pinkshoes

FatVonD

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

I also have GPs breathing down my neck about not leaving it too late (don't worry I put them straight that it is my decision when I do it).

It may be your decision but they are presenting you with the facts for your own benefit, I hope you don't end up regretting it. Nature favours those physically in the best position to reproduce, not mentally.

I had my first at 38 after three rounds of IUI and one (successful, thankfully!) attempt at IVF. I lost my son's twin 8 weeks in and bled a little at 20 weeks but apart from that the pregnancy was uneventful. My son was delivered full term via emergency caesarian as his heart rate was falling with each contraction.

I don't have endometriosis but I had always suffered with heavy periods.

LilElvis

And I'm the salutary lesson that leaving pregnancy til later doesn't make it easy, or even that it will happen at all.

Intermittent user of the pill since teens, regular periods, low BMI. Stopped the pill at age 38 and pregnant within 3 months - miscarried.

Tried for another year with no success so visited GP - blood tests show hormone levels are excellent so purchase a digital fertility monitor to check when ovulation occurred. Still no pregnancy after another year. Referred to hospital - told that I need to go to a fertility clinic, which we need to pay for.

Fertility clinic really pleased with my hormone levels so start ivf - likely chance of success put at 25%. Body doesn't respond well to the drugs so 95% of the eggs that they are looking to retrieve don't mature enough. Only one egg retrieved. Become pregnant - and miscarry. IVF again with even higher dose of drugs - body still doesn't respond well. Only one egg again - actually too immature to fertilize until the next day. No pregnancy.

Now told that my chances of success are less than 5%. Due to my age most of my eggs are now duff and they can't even get enough to do the expensive chromosome testing that will show which are the viable ones.

Do a lot of soul searching and have counselling before we accept that our only chance of success is by accepting the help of an egg donor. Donor is 32 but it still doesn't work! 2 frozen embryos left so use these - already signed up for another 2 fresh attempts (£900 just to go on 2 waiting lists!). Pregnant with twins! Lose one twin and finally have my daughter at age 43 and nearly £25,000 poorer.

Yes, women over 35 can, and do, have babies but many find that it doesn't happen and that the NHS testing uses up months and years whilst fertility is already declining. Many clinical commissioning groups will not fund the recommended 3 cycles of IVF and the cost of private treatment is steep and with no guarantee of success. The basic hormone tests done by a GP are a far from accurate predictor of fertility, as I have proved, so I would recommend having your AMH levels tested privately as this is now widely believed to be more reliable.

I hope you don't think I'm scaremongering - but I certainly never thought that getting, and staying, pregnant would be as hard as it actually was.

Rachylou1981

FatVonD wrote: »

It may be your decision but they are presenting you with the facts for your own benefit, I hope you don't end up regretting it. Nature favours those physically in the best position to reproduce, not mentally.

Oh I know that but to be fair to me, I can't just have a baby because of what nature says. The timing has to be right and at the moment I don't have a choice to try earlier.