Having a baby aged 35 or over

*niptuckfan*

i am 35, 36 in aug and we are trying to conceive from April this year, i have felt exactly the same totally worried that my time has run out before we have even tried, i will never regret not having kids earlier as i was in an awful marriage and am so lucky to now be in a fantastic relationship, i have a midwife friend who says more and more women are having babies later and it doesnt mean you will definately have problems everyone is different,plenty young women have awful pregancies/labour stories.

BWZN93

Marisco wrote: »

Ah, my way or no way then. So you are happy about that, he's just going along with it 'cos he cannot be arsed to leave? Have you discussed it at all? Or is it a case I want a baby, and if it's with you fine, if not take a hike?

I think that's a bit unfair! Honestly, most women would have just gotten knocked up and claimed it was an accident. I appreciate not all women do that; but I know a hell of a lot who have, whether they would ever admit it or not is a different matter entirely. Honestly the amount of 'oooh, the pill mustn't have worked' I've heard..... Who they kidding!

However, OP; to answer, I don't have any kids yet as I was waiting for the right fella. He rocked up and we are now actively trying. I'm 35. I can't say I'm not nervous about the possibility that my age may have a negative impact, but I do think being older will bring its own positives.

Marisco

JoBatch80 wrote: »

I think that's a bit unfair! Honestly, most women would have just gotten knocked up and claimed it was an accident. I appreciate not all women do that; but I know a hell of a lot who have, whether they would ever admit it or not is a different matter entirely. Honestly the amount of 'oooh, the pill mustn't have worked' I've heard..... Who they kidding!

If they are willing to take a chance that the guy might do a runner, then that's the way to do it. A child at all costs is not a very responsible attitude IMO.

Happier_Me

I had my two children at 30 and 32 years old (no problems). I suffered an ectopic pregnancy at 36 years old although I don't believe this was down to my age - I was using the coil at the time.

My best friend had two healthy children at 36 and 38 years old.

I have a family history of early menopause. My Grandma was in her late thirties and my mum very early forties. I am 39 now and peri menopausal. It's worth having the conversation with your older female family members about the timing of their menopause as this may affect your window of opportunity.

Amara

Marisco wrote: »

Ah, my way or no way then. So you are happy about that, he's just going along with it 'cos he cannot be arsed to leave? Have you discussed it at all? Or is it a case I want a baby, and if it's with you fine, if not take a hike?

But some things are important for some people. Having children is very big issue, true is woman is not fertile forever. If she really wants children, why should she stay with man, who doesn't ?
To answer original question : I was 35 , when I had my son. He was born after first month of trying again, as I had two miscarriages before. Pregnancy was healthy, labour started up well, had a quick progress, but ended up having forceps delivery.

Armchair23

I think you might be falling into the trap of thinking you have more control over this situation than you actually do.

Yup you can make good choices and try to make the situation work in your favour. You can plan, eat well, look at your age and circumstance and give yourself the best shot of a happy planned pregnancy.

But there's a heap of variables that you can't control. And I think anyone embarking on the thought of parenthood just needs to get that.

You might not conceive when you choose, the pregnancy might not be viable, the baby may be born very early or unwell.

So all my good wishes that your plans work out, but they are just that, plans. And you can carry on being a lovely person without a baby or with a baby that might not come when you choose.

Not having a go at your obvious care and thoughts about this, just that it doesn't always go to plan.

VestanPance

Amara wrote: »

But some things are important for some people. Having children is very big issue, true is woman is not fertile forever. If she really wants children, why should she stay with man, who doesn't ?

I think the point being made is you should aim to have a partner who also wants children, not some idiot who can't decide if he wants a child and is willing to go with the best way of making the most important decision of his life is playing Russian Roulette with his sperm count!

Rachylou1981

To be fair to Worry_Wart, it's not like she is trying to trap her man. He is fully informed of the situation and that contraception is now up to him because she wants a baby.

I think the idea of babies to some men is terrifying and they just need time to come round to the idea. They don't have the same issues that women have when it comes to their age being a factor and the problems it can bring nor do they probably worry about conceiving at all.

Rachylou1981

Armchair23 wrote: »

I think you might be falling into the trap of thinking you have more control over this situation than you actually do.

Yup you can make good choices and try to make the situation work in your favour. You can plan, eat well, look at your age and circumstance and give yourself the best shot of a happy planned pregnancy.

But there's a heap of variables that you can't control. And I think anyone embarking on the thought of parenthood just needs to get that.

You might not conceive when you choose, the pregnancy might not be viable, the baby may be born very early or unwell.

So all my good wishes that your plans work out, but they are just that, plans. And you can carry on being a lovely person without a baby or with a baby that might not come when you choose.

Not having a go at your obvious care and thoughts about this, just that it doesn't always go to plan.

I am assuming this post is aimed at me?

I have no plans per se. I just know that I won't be in a position to try for a baby until I am late 30s. I completely understand that everyone is different and there are no textbook guidelines to how, when, why etc. but hearing about the decline in fertility after 35 constantly in the media and from my GP *rolleyes* made me want to hear from others in the same position

Jagraf

Trying for a baby without mutual consent is a recipe or disaster and immoral (where's the shudder icon). What if a man wants a child but a woman doesn't, ones he pierce a hole in his condom?