Big age gap in relationship - experiences wanted

InsideInsurance

The wife is only the second person I ever dated that was younger than me and both of us had previously independently been told we had "old souls" when we were younger.

Most the other ladies I dated were only one or two years difference which to me doesnt really count as "the older woman". There was one case where the age gap was more significant and that relationship lasted a few years.

Generally it was ok, most our friends and family accepted it, helped on my family side by my uncle having a wife of 35 years who's 20 years his senior. There were occasional comments from strangers and that arguably wasnt helped by the fact that for a period she was wanting to dress up to look younger than she was so was a bit mutton dressed as lamb. The reason for our breakup was unrelated to our age difference.

To my aunt and her toy boy, certainly when I was a teen it was just "normal" but, to use the words of my mother, "he had already lived his life" as he'd already been married, divorced, had kids etc despite being about 20 when he got together with her.

He did have a couple of affairs but my aunt forgave him and that was at least 15 years ago now. There were also some odd situations as his best mate from school went on to marry her daughter but thats life.

Fast forward to today, he is in his mid 50s and she is mid 70s. Looking at them the age gap is visually massively bigger than it was. He sold his motorbike this year as she can no longer get on it comfortably. They are thinking of moving house as she finds the hill too steep to walk up to get to the bus. She's stopped driving due to failing eyesight. He on the other hand still looks pretty much in his prime, still works full time etc. They say they are still very happy together etc but certainly others do question how this will go as her age continues to cause issues whilst he remains fit and healthy.

getmore4less

I think most of the issues have been covered.

the age gap is potentially an issue when you are young(still growing up) and when you get older, free time and finance can get mismatched so needs a bit of planning.

Heath issues can hit anyone at any time but you can have an educated guess with familiar history.

Not sure if mentioned but an age mismatch can be handy for a bit of IHT planning.

justme111

adindas wrote: »

There are a lot of examples in the real life both couples with significant age ..

Good Starting point holywood examples ...
http://uk.eonline.com/news/434891/catherine-zeta-jones-and-michael-douglas-johnny-depp-and-amber-heard-see-other-couples-with-big-age-differences

- Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, 25-Year Age Gap
- Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, 35-Year Age Gap
- Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, 23-Year Age Gap
- James Woods and Kristen Bauguess, 46-Year Age Gap
- Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster, 26-Year Age Gap
- Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy, 17-Year Age Gap
- Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, 22-Year Age Gap
- George Clooney and Stacy Keibler, 19-Year Age Gap
- Madonna's boy toy Brahim Zaibat is 29 years her junior
- Annette Benning and longtime hubby Warren Beatty share 21 years between them

If you are happy then go for it. You could always pull the plug and get divorce when you wanted to ...

Hollywood is not real life .
you could give a few more famous examples of 80 yo millionaires and 30 or 20something women - not sure any of us would want to follow them.

tocs23

I would be less concerned about the age gap and more about the speed at which the relationship has developed - all in the context of your split from your husband early last year. If you've been seeing each other for a few months, you really haven't given yourself time to come to terms with the separation, or learn how to stand on your own two feet again.

I was in a very similar situation about 5 years ago... had split from my partner of 5 years and found rebound comfort in the arms of an older (by 11 years) man who I worked with. He had been married and had teenage children - which didn't go down well with my friends or family - but he made me feel good about myself, and stopped me from being alone, and all of that helped me to keep some of the pain at bay. We were in a relationship for about 18 months, and gradually I realised that it was my situation and insecurity which had brought (and ultimately kept) us together - not anything more 'real' than that. By then, he had obviously developed strong feelings for me and I felt awful having inadvertently led him up the garden path when I knew I would never be able to fully reciprocate.

When I did end the relationship, I focussed purely on myself - my career, going to the gym, spending time with friends (even making some new ones) - and I was surprised at how un-scary being on my own was. In fact, it was just what I needed! A year or so later, I met my now-husband at the point where I was genuinely happy with myself and had rediscovered my self confidence.

If you were really sure of the relationship, I think you would have told your mum about it. It's not easy, but ask yourself why you haven't and give honest answers. Is it purely because of his age, or because you know it's not right... for whatever reason?

purpleshoes_2

catkins wrote: »

I personally only really go for younger men (OH is a few years younger than me). Only one of my boyfriends was older than me and I found him incredibly boring, although obviously that is not true of all older men.


I do know a couple of woman who married men much older (from 15 years to 22 years) and whilst they all seemed happy for quite a few years once the women got to around 45 problems started.


I think as you get older the difference can start to show. If the woman is 45 and the man 65 she may well still want to go out and be active and he may well not. 50 to 70 seems a massive gap to me and 60 to 80 even more so. I am 60 and I know I would never be interested in a man of 80 even if he were fit and healthy

Being 65 doesnt mean someone is inactive. My mum will be 66 next month and she still works full time, shes more active than some 40 somethings I know.

My gran was active and out and about every day until she was about 83.

Ive personally never been out with anyone much older or younger than me but thats just the way its been, not because of preference, Im not sure a big age gap relationship would be for me, but Ive seen other people be very happy in one, each to their own really.

My ex bf is with a girl 15 years younger than he is, hes 46, shes 31, they are married with a child. Very few eyebrows are raised, but if it were the woman who was 46 and the man 31, I think people would have more of a problem with that.

My brother is 36 and his gf is 51 and theyve been together almost 10 years and very happy, as long as he is, that's all I care about.

Gloomendoom

My dad will be 90 next year and is still active enough to walk five miles to buy a paper.

catkins

purpleshoes wrote: »

Being 65 doesnt mean someone is inactive. My mum will be 66 next month and she still works full time, shes more active than some 40 somethings I know.

My gran was active and out and about every day until she was about 83.

Ive personally never been out with anyone much older or younger than me but thats just the way its been, not because of preference, Im not sure a big age gap relationship would be for me, but Ive seen other people be very happy in one, each to their own really.

My ex bf is with a girl 15 years younger than he is, hes 46, shes 31, they are married with a child. Very few eyebrows are raised, but if it were the woman who was 46 and the man 31, I think people would have more of a problem with that.

My brother is 36 and his gf is 51 and theyve been together almost 10 years and very happy, as long as he is, that's all I care about.

I did say someone of 65 may be inactive. Of course people of all ages can be active or inactive. I was just thinking about couples I know where the man is 20 years or more older than the woman and, almost all of them, have found their husband became more and more disinterested in going out whether it be to the cinema, theatre, to a National Trust property or even just for a walk, whereas they still wanted to do things.


I know that doesn't always happen but I have seen it happen quite a few times to couples I know


I am 60 and I love going out - to restaurants, cinema, theatre, castles, stately homes, gardens, museums, art galleries, walking but I know people my age who rarely go out as they would rather just watch tv.

heuchera

adindas wrote: »

- Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, 25-Year Age Gap
- Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, 35-Year Age Gap
- Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, 23-Year Age Gap
- James Woods and Kristen Bauguess, 46-Year Age Gap
- Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster, 26-Year Age Gap
- Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy, 17-Year Age Gap
- Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, 22-Year Age Gap
- George Clooney and Stacy Keibler, 19-Year Age Gap
- Madonna's boy toy Brahim Zaibat is 29 years her junior
- Annette Benning and longtime hubby Warren Beatty share 21 years between them

And also Barbara Windsor, who is with a man 26 years younger than her, and Joan Collins, whose husband is about 32 years her junior.

But you must admit, both of these women have had a lot of work done and have professional stylists and hairdressers, and so are able to look younger than they are.

Each to their own, but ideally I would rather not date someone who was more than about 8 years younger or older than me.

themull1

Judi wrote: »

My sister in law married a man 9 years older than her. Whilst she wants to watch action movies on telly he feasts on cowboys and Indians he's 71 shes 60. I have a friend who is 15 years younger than her husband. He's 55 and gets too tired for sex where she is gagging for it.

I just suppose you have to be super compatible though I wouldn't want to be with anyone older than myself.

Why would age have anything to do with sex or films, anyone can have trouble with sex or not be compatible with tv programmes!!

Mini_Bear

There was 15 years difference between me and my now ex husband. At 42 he decided he no longer wanted to work or have sex! He just wanted to do as he pleased. If I had known these secret life plans I would have run a mile. Needless to say I'm with a man my own age now. I think it very much depends on the individual, but be prepared for the older persons priorities changing!