We all need to be heard for a little while.

calleyw

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Glad you're having a better day Calley You have done loads today! get you're feet up and have a cuppa!

I'm a natural born worrier. to the point i worry about things that haven't even happened yet! I must say Swain is being a very good influence on the worrying side. He is the most ridiculously chilled out, laid back person i have ever met. Nothing fazes him. He doesn't do stressed. :eek: And in some ways its rubbing off on me a bit. I'm worrying about less things and not getting quite as stressed. (Even if i did get to work today, see the massive queue and nearly have a panic attack )

I wish I had someone like that in my life. But it's not to be. And I really can't be bothered after getting so hurt the last time.

I like to think good of everyone but when they keep taking the mick and mess you around what else can you do. Yep give up :rotfl:

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

I used to catastrophise all of the time, when something scary happens it is still my go to reaction. I had CBT especially for it because it was crippling me and now I can stop it for the most part.

The things I learnt was wait a day for everything possible before taking action. My initial response is panic but if I wait a day I have a much calmer outlook. I also learnt to face my fears. This involved thinking of or writing down all of my worse fears about a situation. Then one by one going through them and listing the better alternatives and how they could be achieved, and also reminding myself why my worse case scenario was unlikely to happen and also if it did how it wouldn't be the end of the world. Then I sleep on it and the next day I usually feel a lot better and I have an action plan and feel more in control.

It does take practice but it works if you keep at it. The biggest one for me is waiting a day before opening my mouth or doing anything, the initial panic tends to subside a lot.

I went out for 15 minutes without a blanket, in the rain! I felt rain! It was wonderful and of course very few people were out due to the weather. WaSp waited at the end of the street and let me walk up and down it on my own, I am getting there!

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I used to catastrophise all of the time, when something scary happens it is still my go to reaction. I had CBT especially for it because it was crippling me and now I can stop it for the most part.

The things I learnt was wait a day for everything possible before taking action. My initial response is panic but if I wait a day I have a much calmer outlook. I also learnt to face my fears. This involved thinking of or writing down all of my worse fears about a situation. Then one by one going through them and listing the better alternatives and how they could be achieved, and also reminding myself why my worse case scenario was unlikely to happen and also if it did how it wouldn't be the end of the world. Then I sleep on it and the next day I usually feel a lot better and I have an action plan and feel more in control.

It does take practice but it works if you keep at it. The biggest one for me is waiting a day before opening my mouth or doing anything, the initial panic tends to subside a lot.

Thanks for that. I will take that forward with me.

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I went out for 15 minutes without a blanket, in the rain! I felt rain! It was wonderful and of course very few people were out due to the weather. WaSp waited at the end of the street and let me walk up and down it on my own, I am getting there!

I am so happy for you. Its all about baby steps. I love the rain. How everything feels and smells so clean and fresh after wards.

Yours

Calley

System

calleyw wrote: »

I wish I had someone like that in my life. But it's not to be. And I really can't be bothered after getting so hurt the last time.

I like to think good of everyone but when they keep taking the mick and mess you around what else can you do. Yep give up :rotfl:

Yours

Calley

I'd pretty much given up, well...i just told myself i wasn't going to think about it, it came around by chance really.

My mums advice was to stay single for a while after my ex, and i fully intended to! Pesky men getting in the way.

Its not the be all and end all though. I'd rather be happy with myself, which i think i am now. My ex last i heard was down about the fact he's single and hasn't me anyone. Last time we talked i told him to try and take his mind off it, to throw himself into something else, because otherwise it was going to eat him up. No idea if he took my advice.


I won't give you platitides of "you never know what might happen" and "it will happen when you least expect it" as i know thats generally quite patronising and not something everyone wants to hear (and you might well be sick of hearing it). Whatever happens happens, as long as you are happy with yourself, thats the main thing. Anything else is just a bonus really.

System

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I went out for 15 minutes without a blanket, in the rain! I felt rain! It was wonderful and of course very few people were out due to the weather. WaSp waited at the end of the street and let me walk up and down it on my own, I am getting there!

:T WaS that's awesome!! If you don't mind me asking how long has it been since you felt rain? Must be a very liberating feeling So proud of you!

Waves_and_Smiles

Another trick with intense worry and catastrophising I learnt is give yourself permission to do it for a limited time. Say once every 3 hours if it is bad, stop everything, sit down and panic. Let all of the bad thoughts and panic happen and allow yourself to dwell on it for 10 minutes. After the time is up stand up and do something, even if it is something mundane like washing dishes and push any thoughts of your worry out of your mind, while telling yourself that in 3 hours time you will be able to sit down and concentrate on it again. It sounds daft but it can help a lot, it keeps you functioning and gives you some peace inbetween.

It has been around 6 years since I felt rain, I almost cried while I was out in it. I adore rain.

calleyw

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I'd pretty much given up, well...i just told myself i wasn't going to think about it, it came around by chance really.

My mums advice was to stay single for a while after my ex, and i fully intended to! Pesky men getting in the way.

Its not the be all and end all though. I'd rather be happy with myself, which i think i am now. My ex last i heard was down about the fact he's single and hasn't me anyone. Last time we talked i told him to try and take his mind off it, to throw himself into something else, because otherwise it was going to eat him up. No idea if he took my advice.


I won't give you platitides of "you never know what might happen" and "it will happen when you least expect it" as i know thats generally quite patronising and not something everyone wants to hear (and you might well be sick of hearing it). Whatever happens happens, as long as you are happy with yourself, thats the main thing. Anything else is just a bonus really.

Which is why I am going to work on myself, the house and garden. Play all the computer games, read all the books and do as much x-stitch as I am can over the summer. To keep me busy.

I heard of someone who is about the same age as me (42) and she was so messed around by a bloke when she was younger she has never bothered again.

I only need a man for the grunt work and to look after my car :rotfl:

Yours

Calley

purpleshoes_2

I really cant be bothered with relationships either and thats not negative, it is what it is. Ive given so much to people over the years and just met people who really werent worthy of me and believe me I dont think Im anything much of a big deal which might go some way to explaining how many people I met who messed me around (like the guy who married someone else behind my back)

I am happy with myself. Ive never written off meeting someone, but I think its just not for me.

My brother is ten years younger than me (36) and has been with his gf almost 10 years now and they live together and are as happy as, so Im not cynical about relationships full stop. All I know is, the majority of men Ive met have been awful to me, havent liked me the way I am, always been too fat, or too quiet, or too loud, always the word too in front of me.

Its taken me a long time to build my confidence back up and as such, even if I dated someone casually, they would need to be someone who wasnt one of these, you are too, or wear this or wear that or dont wear this or wear that.

I know nice guys are out there, really I do. But I havent met anyone like that. In my entire life Ive never had an ordinary relationship thats just fizzled out, always been some drama on their side and me walking out of that relationship feeling like Ive been run over by a steamroller. Just cant be doing with any of that, am way too long in the tooth now to go through more of the same.

calleyw

purpleshoes wrote: »

I really cant be bothered with relationships either and thats not negative, it is what it is. Ive given so much to people over the years and just met people who really werent worthy of me and believe me I dont think Im anything much of a big deal which might go some way to explaining how many people I met who messed me around (like the guy who married someone else behind my back)......

OMG....

I know that I am average on a good day with the wind blowing in the right direction and I have full slap on :rotfl:

My husband was fab and such a gentleman before the stroke. He would always make me walk on the inside of pavements. He said so if a car mounted the pavement he could push me out the way.

Would open car doors for me and even have a brolly if raining.

I don't expect to ever find someone like that again.

To be truthful all I want is someone who is interested in me and wants to spend time with me and date me properly. Not be a secret. Not make promises they never keep. And be part of their life and it not be hard work. If it never goes further than dating so be it.

Maybe at 42 I am asking for the moon on a stick :rotfl:

Yours

Calley

Georgiegirl256

Yay WaS!! :j Well done you!