We all need to be heard for a little while.

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

Honestly, no. Which I find really sad, mainly for his sake. I know he's not happy, he readily admits that. He also admits that he doesn't like how he behaves, that he knows he drives people away etc. He very much self-sabotages. He has a very confident (verging on almost arrogant at times) front, but it really is a front. He has cripplingly low self esteem.

It feels to me like he punishes anyone that cares about him - as if he can't understand why anyone would ever see anything good in him, so in his mind that makes them stupid so he loses respect for them.

I think he's been hugely affected by his dad leaving, and losing contact with him for over 20 years, but he won't accept that at all.

I feel so sorry for him. I know this sounds big-headed but I really don't think he'll ever find anyone who loves him as much as I do, who puts him first, who would do anything to make him happy - but nothing was ever enough. And the horrible thing is that he can see that but he doesn't understand why he can't let himself be happy. He puts this big wall around himself, hits out at anyone that dares come close to it, then sits inside it and wonders why he's on his own.
.

It is sad. It's something I can relate to, not with my DH but with my Mam. I've picked out certain bits in your post because they make perfect sense to me.

What I've worked out from my Mam is that her own Mam never showed her much love and was always putting her down and never showed much interest in her. My Mam had 3 brothers and they were the golden boys who could do no wrong. I think you are totally correct in saying that your FOH's Dad leaving has hugely affected him and caused his low self esteem.

It's like even when things are going good, he's afraid to be happy and totally embrace things for fear of things crashing down and going wrong again. In turn, he takes it out on those nearest to him and pushes them away, never totally letting anyone in.

My Mam was like that with me and my Dad, always putting us down, being negative and nagging unneccessarily at us. I know it made my Dad very unhappy, and me not knowing what to say just used to say "just ignore it", and I totally regret that, but even though I'd got it when I lived at home, I forgot that people living with it just can't do that. I wish I'd talked to him more about it, how it affected him and how it affected me.

You don't sound big headed at all btw. I think you are correct, by the sounds of it I don't think he will. He'll realise what he's lost when it's too late, but he'll never know how to put it right because he's so down on himself, so negative. I sometimes think it's hard to totally show others love and affection when you don't totally love yourself.

Don't worry about rambling btw! I can ramble for GB....see above lol!

Georgiegirl256

Thanks for the advice Birdie, I was almost ready to go and order it, think I might leave it for now.

Pauline, that was my next thought, Kettle bells. I've already got a rebounder, used it once and now it's currently at the foot of the stairs going up to DH's office!

calleyw

tea_lover wrote: »

*budges up and passes the biscuits* :hello:

Mines jaffa cakes

Yours

Calley

Stoodles

And a pint of builders tea for me please

tea_lover

Oh my. A very unexpected thing has just happened.

The company I had interview from hell with last week have just called and offered me the job!

No second interview, just straight into an offer. More money than I'm on now! (after being in a panic for months that the only jobs I could find would entail a big pay cut).

Can't stop shaking (how silly?!) It all just seems soooooo scary! The thought of being the new girl again (have been here nearly 8 years), not knowing anyone, not knowing how to do anything. Am not good with even little changes and this is a whopper.

But, as FOH has said (yes, I called him - shout at me later lol). I don't really have anything to lose. I hate this job - yes, it's comfortable, but I hate sitting here on my own every day and stagnating. I'm also facing redundancy at some point in the next few months so I have to find something anyway. As he wisely pointed out - it makes perfect sense to give it a go, even though it is scary. If it doesn't work out I can look for something else, it's not like I'm tied into them for life.

I might actually be sick I'm so nervous!

Georgiegirl256

calleyw wrote: »

Mines jaffa cakes

Yours

Calley

I'm on the Garibaldies at the moment!

Lovely positive post btw Pyxis!

Edit: Hello Hoipolloi! Welcome!

purpleshoes_2

Ebay for Kettlebells. Haven't seen them cheaper elsewhere. Set of skipping ropes as well, you'll pay a couple of quid.

Tbh all of the classes I reach apart from two use bodyweight exercises and nothing else. You can get good results from doing stuff like press ups, squats, jumping squats, burpees, planks. You can also pick up boxing gloves and pads cheaply as well.

Most of the classes I do as a participant involve bodyweight exercises, kettles, boxing. Nothing fancy.

The mistake most people make is over estimating their calorie burn and under estimating what they eat after a workout.

I'd love a rebounder but it would sit and gather dust, might look at buying one for my classes.

Pyxis

Well done Tea!!! :T :T

That is fabulous news! Whoopee!

Tea's got a job! Tea's got a job!

I'm not surprised you find the thought scary! I'd be terrified too! But just think.......they want YOU! You! You! You!



Yes, you'll be new, but the first day will be the worst.
The second day will be a bit better.
The third day will be better still.
The fourth day will start to feel normal.

Small steps....itty bitty small steps, one day at a time!

And they want YOU! Keep telling yourself that!

calleyw

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I'm on the Garibaldies at the moment!

Lovely positive post btw Pyxis!

Urghhhhhhhhhhh squashed fly biscuits. I don't do dried fruit :rotfl:


I do agree. I think we forget all the little things we do that are massive steps for us but to others seems like nothing.

My cross stitch gives me so much pleasure, so why do I stop for weeks, months or even years as I have done in the past. It allows me to make some very nice gifts such as the project I am working on at the moment. I forget how quickly it makes the time go. As that is the killer for me how long the days and nights seems to be when you spend a lot of time on your own.

Toddling off to make so lunch.

Yours

Calley

purpleshoes_2

Gets you away from the Brussels sprout eating farting colleague. I'd take it for that alone.