We all need to be heard for a little while.

calleyw

tea_lover wrote: »

Honestly, no. Which I find really sad, mainly for his sake. I know he's not happy, he readily admits that. He also admits that he doesn't like how he behaves, that he knows he drives people away etc. He very much self-sabotages. He has a very confident (verging on almost arrogant at times) front, but it really is a front. He has cripplingly low self esteem.

It feels to me like he punishes anyone that cares about him - as if he can't understand why anyone would ever see anything good in him, so in his mind that makes them stupid so he loses respect for them.

He's said many times that he just doesn't know how to 'do normal'. We really did want the same things - to be a family, to be a real support to each other etc - but when he gets what he wanted he panics and wrecks it.

I think he's been hugely affected by his dad leaving, and losing contact with him for over 20 years, but he won't accept that at all.

I feel so sorry for him. I know this sounds big-headed but I really don't think he'll ever find anyone who loves him as much as I do, who puts him first, who would do anything to make him happy - but nothing was ever enough. And the horrible thing is that he can see that but he doesn't understand why he can't let himself be happy. He puts this big wall around himself, hits out at anyone that dares come close to it, then sits inside it and wonders why he's on his own.

Ok... it's clearly going to be a long ramble kind of day... brace yourselves :rotfl:.

ETA: I'm not at all saying that it's all his fault, to be clear! I can be a complete nightmare at times, I'm fully aware of that lol.

OMG I could have written this about the person I am in love with. He has had some rather carppy past relationships. And it has badly effected him. He is scared I am going to do the same as his ex's.

He talks a lot of rubbish and tries to make me jealous as then he can say to himself. See she is mental like all the rest and wants to use me. And when things get really bad he runs away and cut all communication with me and leaves me hanging.

He has said he is arrogant and talks rubbish it s a front and an defense mechanism but he has shown me is fears. Recently he said I (as in himself) don't matter. I said to whom he said to himself. I told him I loved and cared about him. But he told me he was mental and to go away and forget about him.

He asked me to let him have 6 months to go away and sort himself out and we talk again then. He even wrote it all down what he needed to do and signed and dated it. Who knows if he will ever be happy. sad thing is he can be really nice guy when he wants to.

Anyway enough about me.

You take care.

Yours

Calley

Stoodles

OK -poke me with a sharp stick*

Last week I got brave enough to go to the allotment. It;s been two years or more. First I went o the edge of the field, and waited till the panic deflated, then looked at the field and waited and gradually got to being able to walk past and sometimes look at it. But there I ground to a halt for 13 months.

Now Ive done it, I need to do it again. I like digging, so I have a motivation. But I'd rather stay at home.


*Do you know the bit about the Bayeux Tapestry? It says "Harold comforteth his troops"where the King is using a spear to poke the behinds of the soldiers So comfort in old English can mean encouragement, exhortation, enabling.

calleyw

Between posting on here this morning.

I have stripped the bed and re made it properly with top cover and cushions. And tided up the bedroom. Showered and just getting dressed. Not sure if I will put my face on today as not sure I am going further than the back gate LOL!!!!

One load of washing about to be hung out and another one started. Today is turning out better than hoped.

Done two jobs today the washing of the bed linen and tidying my bedroom. Might try and fit another one in somewhere later.

Anyway. I am going to toddle off and put the washing out and do some more cross stitching. Might even venture out in to the garden and sit out in it!!!

Every one take care and catch you later.

Yours

Calley

Birdie85

Aww, I missed the massive hugs over the weekend! Huge well done on the walk out WaS! :T

Code, shame the meal wasn't great! I can't really be doing with smug parent types, I like to talk about anything over than my DS when I'm out without him! People ask me about him and I just say 'Ahh, he's smashing!' and change the conversation! I kind of have the opposite problem with some of my friends though, they're single and always have been and like to make a point about being single and happy and free to do whatever they want and how AWFUL it would be to settle down. They make me feel like such a loser for having my little family!

Georgie, I honestly wouldn't bother with a little/cheap exercise bike as they're usually so rubbish you only use it a couple of times before turning it into a clothes horse! We've had 2 and got rid of both as they just weren't nice to use, nothing like the ones you get at the gym!

Welcome to Calley and Stoodles! :wave:

My Wiki parody is the same as Pyxis! I feel cheated that I'm not unique!

Big hugs for you Tea. I think it's about time you put yourself first and pour all of the love you have/had for FOH back into you and look after yourself how you deserve to be looked after.

My daft little ramble of the day: I have a little FB page selling things that I make (scrapbook style picture frames - PM if you want a nosey!) yet I struggle to post updates and share pictures on there because it's so...exposed!!! It took me months to work up the courage to even make the page, then I only invited a couple of close, encouraging friends to 'like' it as I was so scared of being judged and nearly had a panic attack when I saw that DH had invited everyone on his friends list to like it! Luckily I've had very positive feedback and orders from people who don't even know me (so it's not a pity order!) but I still just can't relax and get into it... I follow a load of crafty pages and everyone's really chatty and they post updates daily but when I try it just sounds so stupid and I hate the idea of people not liking what I'm posting! Urgh, why can't I just get my head around this?! I also had an idea about running a workshop and charging people a set amount to have a go at making their own frame but guess what.... I can't even bring myself to mention it to my friends, never mind the general public, for fear of people thinking it's a stupid idea and no-one signing up for it! I think I need that sharp stick...

Stoodles

Hello Birdie, nice to meet you.

Have you praised yourself for how much you have done?

Along the lines of "I was brave enough to make the FB page. I've made things that people like and want to buy" Factual, positive statements. Go on - add one more.

purpleshoes_2

You can buy a spin bike for around 150 quid or so which might sound expensive, but better than some of the exercise bikes out there. I had one around 20 years ago and it was rubbish.

You can't go wrong with a Kettlebell for home exercising.

Even a mini rebounder might be better than an exercise bike.

Anyway. It's not technically my day off as I'm teaching a class later on. But I've got up, gone out. Collected some leaflets to deliver on behalf of the political party I support and got a free bag, badges, balloons, pens as well which is nice. My mum has bought a lot of stuff over the months since the referendum so its nice to get a free badge or two, except that I think they've given me about 40 of everything.

To be honest. Talk of low self esteem. I had good self esteem if not confidence until I met my first bf and it was destroyed. I was called fat when I was 9 stones. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I was also stupid. I've spent the last 20 years or so thinking I'm rubbish at everything. Which translates to never being able to celebrate anything as I don't think I deserve it. Compounded by when I worked in the so called caring sector if you objected about your horrible working conditions you ended up being attacked. I feel like I've spent the last 25 years under attack and then I just ended up being horribly self critical and I can't do it anymore.

I also think that's part of the reason why I used to wear so much black. It's just a hiding colour. Odd because my flat is painted in some very bright and unusual colours (lime green and purple living room. A big step forward for me was to start wearing colour. Around 6 months ago I charity shopped a ton of black t shirts
It's a start.

purpleshoes_2

With regard to relationships endings are horrible even if the relationship has gone wrong. But it's exhausting trying to get someone to treat you the way you deserve even if there are reasons for it.

I've ended up resenting some exes due to them being so horrible even if they had done an about turn it would have been far too late.

Anyone in that situation. You deserve better.

Hoipolloi

I'm up for some cyber friendship if there's enough room for another one in here?

tea_lover

Hoipolloi wrote: »

I'm up for some cyber friendship if there's enough room for another one in here?

*budges up and passes the biscuits* :hello:

Pyxis

Well, I think the theme of [STRIKE]this[/STRIKE] the previous page seems to be low self-esteem plus being rubbish at everything.
However, what stands out like a shining beacon is the fact that all of you have achieved so much!
That's the trouble with low self-esteem, you don't recognise the great things you do or the great people you are!

See if you can recognise yourselves....

Good at writing explanations.
Respecting, understanding and caring for your partner, even when under a strain.
Pushing yourself to do something you find scary.
Growing things.
Up and doing instead of going back to bed.
Making pretty items for sale.
Teaching a class.
Volunteering for an organisation.

And that's just on that one page!

Do you know what?

We are all wonderful people!

What are we?............

I can't hear you!.................






Hallo, Hoipolloi! Just blowing our own trumpets for a bit!