We all need to be heard for a little while.

seven-day-weekend

heartbreak_star wrote: »

It's come up in conversation, but it appears he's of the opinion that as long as the paperwork is sorted it's a bit of a waste of money.

I can see where he's coming from, as I wouldn't change my name and we don't want children...but still. It would be nice.

HBS x

It's not expensive :

http://www.nidirect.gov.uk/marriage-fees-and-general-information

Maybe he doesn't realise how quickly and cheaply you can do it? My next door neighbours got married in their lunch hour and then went back to work.

Maybe if he realises it will make it 'special' for you, and doesn't need to cost much or be a big palaver, he might reconsider?

heartbreak_star

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It's not expensive :

http://www.nidirect.gov.uk/marriage-fees-and-general-information

Ooooh....interesting A tiny ceremony and a nice party would do me quite nicely

HBS x

Waves_and_Smiles

HBS, WaSp's wife was a very wealthy, finishing school educated, model. I totally understand the punching above your weight feeling! I bet with both of our partners there is something special that makes them want to stay with us though. In WaSp's case his wife was very serious and controlled her life very minutely. She was very beautiful and successful but her life was based around her career, there was little time for anything else. Then he met me who laughs about everything, lounges around with broken nails and her hair scrunched up on top of her head in pj's and doesn't know what she is doing from one day to the next and much preferred it!

I bet your partner see's things in you that he doesn't believe he could find with anyone else and adores you for it. It wouldn't surprise me if he thinks he is punching above his weight with you sometimes, you really do have so much to offer.

tea_lover

It would probably be cheaper to get married than to pay for the legal expenses of re-creating it via other paperwork.. iyswim.

tea_lover

Just seen this http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/money-saving-tips/10162608/Why-getting-married-leaves-you-better-off.html

seven-day-weekend

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Ooooh....interesting A tiny ceremony and a nice party would do me quite nicely

HBS x

My husband and I had precisely that over forty years ago. Good luck xx

heartbreak_star

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

HBS, WaSp's wife was a very wealthy, finishing school educated, model. I totally understand the punching above your weight feeling! I bet with both of our partners there is something special that makes them want to stay with us though. In WaSp's case his wife was very serious and controlled her life very minutely. She was very beautiful and successful but her life was based around her career, there was little time for anything else. Then he met me who laughs about everything, lounges around with broken nails and her hair scrunched up on top of her head in pj's and doesn't know what she is doing from one day to the next and much preferred it!

I bet your partner see's things in you that he doesn't believe he could find with anyone else and adores you for it. It wouldn't surprise me if he thinks he is punching above his weight with you sometimes, you really do have so much to offer.

This has nearly made me cry. He has said that he doesn't care what I look like because I have a beautiful heart and he wishes I would spend a little more time and money on myself because I deserve it. Bless him

He has also said his favourite thing is that I haven't tried to change him, make him look/dress differently, or push him into social events that he doesn't want to do. I've known him for a long time and always found him attractive, so why would I want to change that?

tea_lover wrote: »

It would probably be cheaper to get married than to pay for the legal expenses of re-creating it via other paperwork.. iyswim.

Yup. OH is silly.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My husband and I had precisely that over forty years ago. Good luck xx

Honestly, I believe the simple and joyous weddings are the best. I went to a super-expensive one (in a charity shop designer dress :T ) and everyone was just far too worried about acting posh than enjoying themselves.

My favourite was a service in a lovely little church followed by a buffet and a very good ceilidh - riotous fun! Everyone kicked off their shoes and nobody wanted to go back to the hotel we were all suffering the next day though!

The other lovely one was last year...the couple had the simplest civil ceremony possible the Wednesday before their event (they called it "signing the documents") and then hired a small Scout camp for the weekend. They had a handfasting where they wrote their own vows (well, the groom improv'd!) and had the bar from our larp events and lawn games and a band (this was "the wedding"). It was great.

HBS x

Waves_and_Smiles

Exactly HBS it is very important to accept partners as they are. Like your OH WaSp loves that he can be himself with me and doesn't feel under pressure. When he was with his wife he always had to look very smart to attend her work functions, act very professionally, wear clothes she bought for him and basically support her career. They had money and lots of material things but were constantly under pressure to keep up appearances for others. He found this very wearing and has said he never felt good enough. She obviously, because her career was dependent on looking good was very obsessed with how people looked. On her days off she still expected him to look smart, to do things for her so she didn't break a nail and spent most of the time giving herself beauty treatments so that she could continue to work. Their whole life was based on appearances.

Then he met me who is fine with him if he wants to wear an old t-shirt and jogging pants, skips shaving, plays computer games for a day and generally allows him to relax as he wishes. I could never match his wife looks-wise, she is stunning but he tells me I am far more beautiful to him than she ever was.

Don't discount how much your OH appreciates your acceptance of him, I know from WaSp that is very important in a relationship. I bet he wouldn't change you for the world, you allow him to be the real him and still love him just as he is, that's priceless. You are no doubt incredibly beautiful to him and I bet he loves you exactly as you are.

tea_lover

Awww, am tearing up here guys! You lot are all so lovely to each other xx

heartbreak_star

Thank you so much everyone

HBS x