We all need to be heard for a little while.

tea_lover

Q. Why was WaSp partying with the bathroom mushrooms?


A. Because he's a fun guy!

lostinrates

Pyxis wrote: »

Re. The non-marrying OH, have you sorted things out like a will, so that you have your rights protected re. the house, insurances and other assets? Not to mention pension rights?

If those things are watertight, then would a simple ceremony of commitment, without any 'legal' validity, fit the bill for you?




Edit. Yes, it was me that did the silversmithing! Very satisfying!

This would be be important to me too.

I didn't care about marriage but I did care about commitment. I have been clear and open with my partners with whom I have considered this at the outset of our relationship though ( nothing like laying your cards on the table to scare someone off or test their mettle) and said that I do nothing I cannot walk away from within six months, and expect some future thoughts ( not decision but idea) by a year, a decision by two and three years wishy washy ness would be too long for me. It doesn't mean three years means we're married with kids, it means we're committed and on the same page. For me that would include things like paper work sorted out.

heartbreak_star

tea_lover wrote: »

I think there's a lot to be said for putting yourself first for a while. Doesn't have to be anything drastic (although a month in Barbados might help ) - even cliche things like a nice long bath, some new pjs and a good book really cheer me up.

What's the weather forecast for the weekend where you are? If it's not peeing down, maybe try a walk? A bit of fresh air and some nice scenery can help blow away the cobwebs. There's an alpaca farm near me, if it's sunny on sunday I will pop along there and laugh at their adorable little faces. Then I will treat myself to tea and cake in their cafe and just enjoy having some time to myself.

Hope you find something that works for you x.

I think at the weekend, if I can afford it, I am going to treat myself to an aquarium visit so I can see the otters I absolutely love otters (even though they stink ), they are my favourite animals in the world! I love their little faces!

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I hope the blood results aren't too bad, LIR. We miss you!

Aw, have a hug HBS. It is ok to be sad sometimes, I think everyone has things that they look at in their life that makes them feel discontent. The work situation sounds frustrating, are their any courses you could take to open new opportunities for you? We don't want a new HBS, you are perfect so no going anywhere! *clings to your leg*

The anti-psychotics knocked me out yesterday evening so of course I woke up at 3am ready to start the day. Sleep patterns are overrated. Now I have an upset stomach which is no doubt stress induced which isn't exactly helping my other little problem.

Builder update-still here but windows not replaced yet.

Mushroom update-a new one grew overnight!

I'm going to have a look at some courses I think. It seems like a good way of getting the company to help me! And awwww thank you

Sleep patterns are totally overrated. All the cool kids wake up at weird times

Pyxis wrote: »

Re. The non-marrying OH, have you sorted things out like a will, so that you have your rights protected re. the house, insurances and other assets? Not to mention pension rights?

If those things are watertight, then would a simple ceremony of commitment, without any 'legal' validity, fit the bill for you?

Edit. Yes, it was me that did the silversmithing! Very satisfying!

House documentation is sorted but we both need to rewrite our wills. I think that a ceremony of commitment might be OK. Something to think on. I'm punching so far above my weight with him and I worry he's going to leave me all the time

LIR, good to see you back and I hope you're alright.

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not being a prat, everyone. I mgiht have to have a few tears at some point!

HBS x

tea_lover

lostinrates wrote: »

This would be be important to me too.

I didn't care about marriage but I did care about commitment. I have been clear and open with my partners with whom I have considered this at the outset of our relationship though ( nothing like laying your cards on the table to scare someone off or test their mettle) and said that I do nothing I cannot walk away from within six months, and expect some future thoughts ( not decision but idea) by a year, a decision by two and three years wishy washy ness would be too long for me. It doesn't mean three years means we're married with kids, it means we're committed and on the same page. For me that would include things like paper work sorted out.

Wish I'd done that.

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahahahaha! Ok, I am giggling into my coffee now. It is quite a cute little mushroom, I am sure there will be friends joining it shortly.

WaSp and I have a bit of an odd attitude to marriage. In WaSp's case he had a very bad divorce before he met me which put him off of marriage for a long time. In my case the idea of a ceremony is terrifying even if there were just a few people present (bride under a blanket anyone?). After 26 years neither of us think of it, other than occasionally contemplating if it would make things easier paperwork-wise. Even then, neither of us have anything to leave behind (and I have no relatives to contest anything, anyway) and WaSp does have a card to my bank account so could access any available money if I died. When I was younger I did want some kind of commitment ceremony but that want has faded with time.

We both know that we are committed to each other, even to the extent of if I call the garage for WaSp I will say my husbands car and WaSp refers to me as his wife in similar circumstances just because it is easier.

(But I still want a pretty dress and a honeymoon which I know isn't the idea at all. Oops!)

seven-day-weekend

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Hahahahahaha! Ok, I am giggling into my coffee now. It is quite a cute little mushroom, I am sure there will be friends joining it shortly.

WaSp and I have a bit of an odd attitude to marriage. In WaSp's case he had a very bad divorce before he met me which put him off of marriage for a long time. In my case the idea of a ceremony is terrifying even if there were just a few people present (bride under a blanket anyone?). After 26 years neither of us think of it, other than occasionally contemplating if it would make things easier paperwork-wise. Even then, neither of us have anything to leave behind (and I have no relatives to contest anything, anyway) and WaSp does have a card to my bank account so could access any available money if I died. When I was younger I did want some kind of commitment ceremony but that want has faded with time.

We both know that we are committed to each other, even to the extent of if I call the garage for WaSp I will say my husbands car and WaSp refers to me as his wife in similar circumstances just because it is easier.

(But I still want a pretty dress and a honeymoon which I know isn't the idea at all. Oops!)

Some friends of mine, who sound in their attitude to marriage pretty much the same as yourself and WaS, are getting married this summer, to celebrate thirty years together, with all their children (3) and grandchildren (several) in attendance, as well as their friends. And yes, she is wearing a white dress and they are having a honeymoon.

I think it's great :T:T

seven-day-weekend

Heartbreak star, have you told him how much you would like to be married to him? Would it make any difference?

idea

heartbreak_star wrote: »

House documentation is sorted but we both need to rewrite our wills. I think that a ceremony of commitment might be OK. Something to think on. I'm punching so far above my weight with him and I worry he's going to leave me all the time

Coming out of lurkdom to give HBS a hug and pull her up on this comment....punching above your weight? Err....do you know what a lovely person you are and everything you bring to your relationship?

Whatever your man is like, I wouldn't dream for a minute your man doesn't want to be with you.

Idea xx

heartbreak_star

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Heartbreak star, have you told him how much you would like to be married to him? Would it make any difference?

It's come up in conversation, but it appears he's of the opinion that as long as the paperwork is sorted it's a bit of a waste of money.

I can see where he's coming from, as I wouldn't change my name and we don't want children...but still. It would be nice.

HBS x

heartbreak_star

idea wrote: »

Coming out of lurkdom to give HBS a hug and pull her up on this comment....punching above your weight? Err....do you know what a lovely person you are and everything you bring to your relationship?

Whatever your man is like, I wouldn't dream for a minute your man doesn't want to be with you.

Idea xx

Thanks Idea He does tell me that he likes "my brand of silly" and other incredibly sweet things, but I've actually known him for years and all his ex's are tall, slim, blonde and in their twenties whereas I'm a little older than him and shaped like a spud

Most of me knows he loves me. But there's always going to be the bit in the back of my mind that says I'm not good enough. It's the same bit that says I'm not good enough for anything.

HBS x